Canberra

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
FACTS DETECTED

This page may contain factual material. In order to avoid the mental strain of processing this information, please add "in bed" to the end of each sentence as you read it aloud.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Canberra.

Canberra (pronounced "KAM-bra"; 1995 pop. Average winter temperature -17°C, average summer temperature 43°C) is the capital and hugest small city of Australia.The best thing to do in 'Canberra' is just find a ganga to root. It was designed by a elderly British man to trap tourists in an arcane and diabolical web of roundabouts and eye-sores, commonly known as government buildings. Canberra is also the 27th Wonder of the World, famous for being one of the only two holes above the ground (second in size only to Adelaide, which comes in at #26).

Contents

[edit] Introduction

Canberrans are the laughing stock of Australia, well known for their love of firecrackers, porn and many, many roundabouts. What is generally not known is the basic hatred for the Lebanese people that all Canberrans with speech impediments share, although this has caused problems for the local Lesbian population who do not wish to be associated with them. People like Colin G live in this city he is the ultimate definition of the word "wanker".

Canberra is a large inland fishing village inhabited by public servants and politicians. Australian ex-prime minister John (Hobbit) Howard was supposed to live in Canberra, but due to a chronic allergy to large boring suburbs (either that, or it's because his wife won't live in the same city as Kate Fischer's mum: but that may be a rumour that he himself started), he continued to live in Sydney at a place called Hillbilly House before jumping aboard The Fail Boat after spectacularly losing the election to Elmer Fudd in 2007.

It is also home to the Australian Parliament, drawn by cartoonists for the daily papers, and many inbreds. All Canberrans can trace their origins back to Dom Walsh, Julia Gillard and Satan.

[edit] History

Canberra was founded by Lady Whoopert Hairy Griffin in 1901, ironically the first city founded by a cross-dresser. Initially Sydney and Melbourne both wanted to be the capital, reckoned a great honour by the local Gungans. It was then pointed out just how many new politicians and new public servants would be created, both immediately and projecting forward. The people changed their minds very quickly. It was a case of "no, you have it" and "get fucked, you have it".

In the end Sydney and Melbourne couldn't agree about whether Townsville, Queensland, Shark Bay, Western Australia or Geelong, Victoria should be the national capital. (South Australia, it was thought, had suffered enough already.) They imported Hairy Griffin, a maize farmer from the American state of Illinois, and paid him tuppence to jump from a dirigible into a random location in the bush. There, in that random spot, would be the splendid capital of the new Australian nation. Despite the fact that the spot was haunted by the Aboriginal Tent Embassy, and several pot plantations.

The spot where Hairy Griffin landed -- on October 9, 1901 -- became the site now known as Canberra.

Eighteen years later, missionaries traveling through the bush stumbled upon a gigantic lake (Lake Hairy Griffin), wide planned boulevards, and short concrete government buildings (eye-sores). Canberra had arrived on the world scene. Soon, people other than Whoopert Hairy Griffin found themselves living there, too, and they found themselves just as bored as Hairy Griffin himself.

Griffin had built in various artistic touches to symbolize Australia. The streams diverted to flood a nice valley for Lake Hairy Griffin represented Australia's profligate and destructive water policies. And all traffic lights were banned, instead roundabouts were used, with cars just going around and around and around and around, symbolising the circular and essentially pointless nature of politics and by inference the city itself.

Canberra was built miles and miles inland and away from anything living to avoid fucking naval artillery. The great visionaries of Australia la di di la di da thought that military technological advancement would stop completely because everyone was a lazy stupid arse like them.

[edit] Things you can do in Canberra

  • Figure out which playgrounds were built over disused burial grounds.
  • Get drunk at the Kambah Inn
  • Nothing
  • Go to Melbourne.
  • Get in a fight with a smart ass year 8 from St Eddies.
  • Watch the war between Melbourne and Sydney.
  • Tell Sydney that Melbourne said stuff about it's mother.
  • Get stabbed at a bus interchange (eg woden or civic)
  • Get the Prime Ministers House on Backyard Blitz
  • Or make friends with his children, get invited to the lodge. Take photos and sell them to tabloids
  • Become miserable with all the Government housing as you enter our great national capital down Northbourne Avenue.
  • Freeze to death waiting for a cab, screaming down the phone at the automated taxi service that doesn't understand Engrish.
  • Work at IP.
  • Turn your heater on and hope it works in extreme chillness.
  • Have a drink at Helenic.
  • Buy porn from Fyshwick and pull yourself several times a day because it is more sex you'll get than shagging a local girl.
  • If porn isn't good enough, shag the Canberra school rejects in a Fyshwick brothel. M2M also available.
  • Freeze to death waiting outside in line for Mooseheads (aka Four Floors of Whores), hoping to get a shag from anything but realising at the end of the night that the ADFA wankers took all the girls home.
  • Look at the biggest mamuth in the world (it will give you AUSK).
  • Look at the big water fountain and wonder what's the fucking point.
  • Travel down road only to find that they're dead ends. Once you turn around you won't be able to find your way back.
  • Visit City Supabarn and pay homage to tofu.
  • Shop at the 24-hour Coles in Manuka.
  • If you're a tourist, attempt to grab the sexiest drunk person you can find and shag them, but if your a Canberran, you know there's no fucking point trying because their all frigid. Be careful not to unintentionally (or intentionally) commit to shag a politician as most Canberrans are public servants and politicians.
  • Get lost. Particularly if you venture to the South Side, where many people have been killed by the locals trying to find the suburb of Calwell.
  • Try and get to a location through a park (warning: no one has ever come back alive).
  • Mountain bike through a couple of forest (one of which burnt down recently) and get snobbed by other riders.
  • Wait 10,000,000 hours for a bus that will never come.
  • Chase the thirsties away at one of the region's many quality cool-climate wineries, such as Kamberra Winery. N.B. The misspelling of the city's name is intentional, because the winemakers are morons
  • Drive around roundabouts for eternity, Otherwise known as the infamous Roundabout Challenge.
  • Wonder which side of Kambah is which.
  • Go Canberra go Canberra go.
  • Stay away from the KKK; Kippax, Kambah and Karabar.
  • End up saying "fuck it" at the end of a night of drinking and attempt to shag the metal sheep in Civic or Kambah because the teenage sluts who would suck your dick for a smoke no longer hang out in Civic.
  • If you're an ADFA wanker, wank yourself and cry over Limestone Lizzy's death.
  • Or if you're an ADFA wanker, laugh at the civilian guys going home by themselves.
  • Grow some pot
  • Go to glebe park friday nights and most saturdays and witness all the "goonbagians" take substance and give each other oral sex in the toilet's.
  • Buy Pot at ADFA
  • Get chased by fat kids with anger management.
  • Walk around looking for a form of suitable public transport (you will have to walk to Sydney to find it).
  • Have an endless search for poptarts after getting stoned, P.S. search will NEVER end.
  • Go to Dr. Shaw (the best dentist in town) and get root canal
  • Know EVERYONE. 95% of Canberrans are related to each other, hence it's incestual nature. However that percentage is declining with the recent migrations from Melbourne and Sydney, much to the public servants and politicians disgust (they are unsure who their relatives are and if their shagging their cousin).
  • Hunt for magic mushrooms in the Botanic Gardens. (First frost of spring is when to pick 'em!)
  • Visit the EPIC aircraft beacon atop Mt Ainslie, which a plaque believes can be seen by aircraft taking off from Sydney (also while you are on the drive up the hill, try and kill as many rabbits as you can...my score is 9)
  • Pay several dollars for a shit ass view of Canberra at Telstra Tower when they could get a better view at Mt Ainslie for free. But there's nothing to see anyway.
  • Go somewhere else (except for Adelaide or Sunshine).
  • Piss off drivers by riding push bikes on the road when right next to them are the best cycle paths in Australia.
  • Attempt for many years to climb out of the hole that is Canberra, only to find yourself being an old man/woman wondering where the fuck did my life go wrong.
  • Carpet bomb Canberra College and Erindale College.
  • Score acid at the garema place "goon bag" thursday, friday and saturday nights at around 7pm.
  • Visit Canberra leading gay venue, the "Nitro Bar".
  • Visit Black Mountain carpark between 5pm - 6pm.
  • Try find the black junkie that gives head to old guys for drug money at woden interchange.
  • Bury a body at the Cotter reserve.
  • Go to EPIC
  • Give attitude to window washers at the lights.
  • Stand out the front of the U.S.embassy, take a photo and act suspiciously. Then run away really quick.
  • Start killing Emos.
  • Drink goon. Lots of it. And never stop.
  • Squat an old theatre and accidentally burn it down.
  • Do an armed holdup on a servo with a blood-filled syringe. Then go back to work at the brothel across the road. Spend the next five years in jail wondering why you got nicked.
  • Take a tour with a combat veteran through the back streets of Charnwood.
  • Marvel at the resilience of the Kambah people who never cease to smile under the unrelenting pressure of living in a warzone.
  • Visit RAAF base Fairbairn, and wonder why it is still called that since the RAAF vacated a long time ago.
  • Attempt to find a free car park within 100 miles of Civic.
  • Visit the National Museum of Australia and ask youself just one question, why?
  • Drive through the Tent Embassy.....fast

The Canberra Tourism Bureau promotes Canberra as "One of the world's great cities". What's not well known though is the footnote they're obliged to add to each such brochure "* If you ignore all other world cities except Adelaide, which is a hole." That footnote came about after the Australian Competition Consumer Commission (ACCC) prosecuted them for a "misleading statement" under the Trade Practices Act (see Regina v CTB, Commonwealth law reports 1970). It was also misleading because 50 politicians, a mall and a kangaroo does not constitute a city by ISO standards. The presence of fireworks and shops for erotic material does help Canberra's case.

It is also a little known fact that Canberra is a twin city with Swindon, England. Swindon is also a hole and has a seriously weird roundabout.

If you are looking on this site for genuine information (you fool), then there is one thing you should do while in Canberra. Leave. But only AFTER you've bought some fireworks and porn.

[edit] The (so called) National Museum

Warning: The following text might contain Jesus. On the other hand, it might not. Let us know if you find him!

Bwahahaha! Ho ho ho ho! Jesus, I can't breathe!


Built as a sop to the lefties by the Howard government, this travesty, this waste of space, is the so-called National Museum. Ranked as the #1 Hardest Thing to Find EVER*, and also affectionately known as 'That Big Ugly Thing'). Physically, it is a set of buildings surrounding a baking hot parking lot, with metal spikes set into it for children to impale themselves on (true). Conceptually, it's built around themes invented by some art student: 'togetherness', 'thrill', 'passion', 'dookie', 'things I found under the couch', and a couple of others.

The So-Called National Museum stands on the site of an ancient Indian Burial Ground. Prior to the museum there used to be a public hospital there, but Kate Carnell and the ACT Local Council symbolically demolished it, tragically killing a small child and their careers in the process . To this day a small gatering occurs on the anniversary of the "Implosion" for a party called the Katie "Bender". Lots of fun and it goes straight to peoples heads.

[edit] Garema Place and the Emo Farm

Garema Place is the most slum-like inhabitable area of Canberra, with 87% of Canberrans calling it home. Garema Place also contains the popular tourist attraction, the Emo Farm, where androgynous beings known as 'Emos' congregate, and the Slums. The Emos are often found in large numbers, due to the fact that on their own they are weak, defenceless and often publicly flogged or pack-raped by footballers.

[edit] Parliament House

A classic feng-shui (pronounced fengh shite) "earth" building, also known affectionately as "the bunker". The result of heaps of committies. A fun game to play while visiting Parliament House is "Spot The Eyebrows" during question time, John Howard must be present.

As tacky as the Sydney Olympics, as a demonstration that we aussies can build wastefully big and expensive buildings too. Every floor tile is packed so full of arbitrary symbolism (more art student drivel), you'll spew.

[edit] What really you shouldn't do

Hang around any bus interchange as you will be beaten up by bogans, rats, and wogs who want your money, phones, pink shirts, wallets, soul, shoes and canadian $10's. you may also suffer a stabwound or two if you do not agree to give them everything you have.

You should go see Mr Squiggle at the National Film and Sound Archive, if Mr Squiggle is busy, call my friend the chigger.

Moreover, take a trip to Civic (City) to see the local Scene kids and goths flock around the eyesore sculpture the silver pillow, commonly referred to as the goon bag kids (as the pillow looks like a giant inflated goon bag. Goon bag kids should be beaten at every chance one has. (caution the goon bag is also kniwn to house a large junkie population)

There are also a lot of Public Servants (affectionately known as 'Pubes'), who you can annoy the hell out of, if you know their phone number. All you need to do is call them up around 6pm-7:30pm, and try to sell them a holiday in a thick Indian accent.

[edit] Parks and Gardens

Why are you even looking this up?!? The whole bloody city is a park!! You can't miss'em. Actually parks are becoming a rarity these days with so much construction of hack-up-job-buildings sprouting around it is hard to spot a tree in civic.

[edit] Industry

The principal industries in Canberra are politics, public service, prostitution, pyrotechnics,pot and pornography, the "Six Ps" as they're known there.

The disreputable nature of the first two cause considerable embarrassment to those in them. Most who are in politics will pretend they're in the public service. And in turn those in the public service will pretend they're in pornography (either porn distribution or the much smaller production industry if they're really trying to impress).

At political gatherings it's common to see everyone going around saying, "Oh, I'm a pornographer, I just dabble in politics". This is reckoned hilarious by outsiders happening to visit, but taken as an insult by actual honest porn merchants.

[edit] Notable Locations/Districts

Belconnen Attractions include a shopping centre full of shops you don't want to go to, and a "market" who's only service is to bombard you with the incomprehensible shouts of aging Italian men trying to intimidate you into buying fruit. Also has the largest bogan population in the city. Also notable is it's Bunnings warehouse, so large that it can house the entire town of Belconnen in which it is located, one day in hundreds of years to come, scientist will think that this was an ancient place of worship. Think of it as an anti-Tardis, with bogans and power tools. There is also a nice skate park full of wonderful upstarts (if you go there and you arent a dero yourself, you will get stabbed). The suburbs of outer belconnen (e.g. Notorious Higgy, Scompton, fraser, charn'ingle'wood etc) are known as the aussie version of the Bronxs. A good way to tell what area in Belconnen someone is from is by what colour their Flannelette shirt is.

Also steer caution as the "all-aboriginal" gang, "the kings" usually hang out in belconnen interchange and "Be H8t1n 0N D@ Wh1tE 8oy". The "Kings" are actually a family group who cleverly use their last name as their gang name, this is so they do not forget it. The irony of their hobby, H8t1n 0N D@ Wh1tE 8oy, is that it further drives home the stereotype of them growing up to be lazy dole bludgers who make Charnwood what it is. You should note that the "Kings" are not a representation of the great Aboriginal people but rather an embarrasment. Aboriginals and white folk collectivly laugh with each other when the topic of the "Kings" comes up as neither side want responsibility for them and the American gangsters laughed their asses off whe the "Kings" were offered to them. Unbeknownst to the "Kings", racial harmony has broken out between Blacks and Whites due to a common dislike of this gang.

The Belconnen Mall, as it was once called, is surprisingly located in Belconnen and is a large shopping mall filled with 12 year old girls pushing prams. It is located near a rather quaint and beautiful lake. That is, it would be quaint and beautiful if it were not filled with algae, weeds, dead swans, shopping trolleys and cute drowned emos from the nearby high school.

There are no wogs, gooks, spiks, blacks, chinks, or any other foreign sort of person in Belconnen because it is against the law, and besides, they wouldn't be seen dead wearing ugg boots, tight black jeans and flannies.

However if lucky Mario often pops up with Luigi making a visit every other night (not to Mario's house you gay fuckers).

City Centre Apart from the best shopping in the ACT, Civic has the best collection of clubs Canberra has to offer - which isn't saying a lot (i.e ICBM and Shooters). Saturday nights in civic are wog and ganger central, with fully sick lebs driving down the main street in civic in thier "injekted" cars checking out the hot spots, picking up gangers from outside academy and taking them to the rabbit spot from some 'shesh in da pesh' (for all you guys out there who are not familiar with this saying: it is wog for "sex in the pants").

Civic is also know for the scene-kid farm (i.e. the Goon Bag). If you happen to cross paths withs these freaks find an excuse to hit one or five of them. Don't worry they like pain, it represents the dark abyss that is their meaningless, pathetic lives, although these characters will usually suck you off in glebe toilets in exchange for drugs/goon/or nothing cause there complete whores. Civic is also the after school hangout spot for Merici Skanks, Lyneham High Hussies and Dara Whores.

Civic is also well known for its late night stabbings and muggings. To witness one of these, or to even be a part of it all, call your local travel agent and ask for a table at Mooseheads on a Saturday night. Be sure to wear a pink collared shirt and drink lots of beer to heighten the experience.

Most people in Civic die from being stabbed or overwelmed by charity collectors.

Woden Well known for its Friday night wogs in WRXs and for being so boring that people go to Tuggeranong for a good time.

Most people in Canberra believe Woden to be somewhat like El Dorado or Shangri-La, not in that it is rich and beautiful, but moreso in that it is a fanciful bedtime story told to little children to warn them about taking drugs. Whether or not it really exists is still the subject of vigourous debate between archaelogists and anthropologists.

It is not known whether people actually die in Woden as no-one is actually sure that it exists.

Rivett Commonly known by those that live there as "Rivetto the Ghetto" or simply, "The Ghetto". Home to such natural disasters as the SSC, IGC and LCC. The aforementioned are small gangs comprised of wiggers and wannabe wogs.

Everyone in Rivett takes drugs.

Kambah Pool This is actually a section of bushland and river, showing the intelligence of the inhabitants of Kambah. It's sole purpose is for perverts and paedophiles to look at young girls and boys frolicking in the diseased waters.

Lake Hairy Griffin Ceremonial shopping trolley burial ground for the local people. Also used as toxic waste outlet and a murdered corpse dumping site. The Bureau of Made-Up Statistics reports that as many as all of Canberra's homeless population drown in the lake every 10 minutes. These people however, are never recovered due to the immense population of rather large carp that reside there.

Tuggeranong Tuggeranong is named after the Aboriginal word tug-your-nong, which in English means have a wank. Anthropologists have also theorised that it could pertain to the general lack of employment by Tuggeranong males as no-one in Tuggeranong works for a living and instead they stay home and wank themselves while watching porn purchased from Fyshwick (see Fyshwick)

Tuggeranong, despite being labelled as part of Canberra, is actually so far removed that it even has it's own climate. Tuggers is well regarded as being 'just a step' up from Quangers, in that it's residents actually wear pants, but is still considered the bottom of the barrel.

Tuggeranong is located geographically in a valley, which means it is essentially a hole within a hole. Everyone in Tuggeranong under the age of 16 is pregnant and everyone over that age is probably a grandmother. There are no fathers anywhere in Tuggeranong although the male of the human sub species that lives there can regularly be seen on Thursday at the TAB or at one of the many fake, pseudo irish bars that blight the landscape.

Most people in Tuggeranong die from venereal diseases.

[edit] High Schools

There is lot if rivalry in between schools. Much of it is the case of "All other schools vs. Canberra Grammar, a school which has churned out more fags then any other place in Australia (except for Sydney, which a total hole). The other high schools in ol' Canberra include, but are not limited to due to the springing up of schools everywhere:

  • Alfed Deakin High, Stealing your urine since 1989
  • Canberra High, A Fairly derolict school, note though, as it houses canberras biggist scene kid population and has given birth to some "famous" myspace whores. see cassicute ,Ashexplicit
  • Kaleen High, where people get beaten up every other day, and fat kids and pyromaniacs roam wild and free, setting alight every tourist or piece of native fauna they find;
  • Radford College, the indisputed rich ponce with the stupid and the incredibly gifted balled into one; the only place that the teachers ARE better than the students But even though Radford does have some retards, you will still never be better then Radford with their UAI average last year of 91.25. An amazing 98% of ex Radford students are later murdered by bogans.
  • Canberra Grammar, the one that turns people into Radford-hating red-necks that always insist on playing the violin at local functions, most grammar kids inhabit Manuka (mah-ni-ka) after school, scaring elderly people and tourists as they are no good at anything else other than scoring high UAI's, rowing and occasionaly smashing St Edmunds in Rugby which then leads to decades long celebrations. They recently changed the colour of the schools uniform from shit-brown to shit-blue
  • Canberra Girls' Grammar School, the school built on all of Australia's taxpayers' money that fires a teacher a week because the heads of the school get drunk/stoned and the girls have a pole up their arse and all resemble 'Ja'mie' from Summer Heights High. In the mid-90's the schools submitted a proposal to have home ecnomics as a 'T' subject in the ACT scool curiculum. Howls of laughter still abound in the halls of the ACT education department years later. All Grammar Girls are very sexy and have managed to arouse every man on earth, except for the smart ones who play for the Radford and St Clare's girls
  • Kambah High, A school so awesome - Wanniassa copied it's layout. Unfortunately - Closed Down.
  • Belconnen High, Many a slut here that will suck you off for a ciggeret, also housing canhberras second biggest scene-kid population.
  • Lyneham High, The only school in Canberra where the buildings are older than the teachers, with the exception of Rainforth who's been the local resident for the past 100 years.
  • Marist, smart kids, but suck at everything else, built on false pretences that they are good at football and canoe polo (but LT made that last one up). All Marist students are in dire need of a haircut and many believe that they are the reincarnation of that guy from the Doors.
  • Merici College aka. Mer-root-me, the biggest concentrated collection of skanks known to man. Don't sleep with any of the girls there unless you enjoy Chlamydia, although most of the fugly bitches there will just hit you with roofies anyway. The only way to avoid this happening is making sure that in no way do you ever communicate with, or even look at, ANY girls from Merici.
  • Daramalan college, the hardest Catholic school in history. It is rumoured to be the last school in the wrold to employ stocks and cat-o-nine-tails as a regular punishment. Hated by the Canberra times. Shame about the pedophilic tendences of the teachers.
  • Mackillop College, which supplies you with a sub-standard public education for a private school's price;
  • Melrose High, A prime example of the ACT Governments ability to turn landfill into a quality education. a quality education almost rivalling that of Alfred Deakin. A good place for under aged smoking and Gayfuck sex.
  • Copland College, a hole. Recently became a hole with $6,000,000
  • Stromlo High, the only school in Australia (barring any school in the western suburbs of sydney) fucked up enough to re-name recess to smoko.
  • St Clares, turning out sluts to fuck the local school boy population since the 60's; then in the 90's swapped roles with Girls Grammar, became smart, started fucking the Boy's Grammar, Radford and Marist Boy's exclusively.
  • Tuggernong College, nonreligious bums that have no goal in life.
  • And St Edmunds where imports beat up the nerds and the fobs all flock to - the next Samoa The headmaster speaks too slowly. This school is so good at footy they got banned from the Warratah Shield because they held it for 20 years. The school is run by "Souf Side" crew, a bunch of bored teens who mistook Canberra for Harlem. Play footy but can't do anything else. A typical quote would be "I would bash you skull up, but me promise daddy I wouldn't punch no-one 'cause I would kill them"
  • Lake Ginninderra College, providing a quality McEducation for those who enjoy the serenity of a carpark
  • Deakin, like Bali, cheap and lots of drugs, a phsycho chik from there tried to stab my friend.
  • Narrabundah College, where unwashed drug-fuelled bohemian communists get their exposure to sunlight, and international students have a place to ignore all the whiteys and squander their hong kong triad trust fund on sky lines and menthol cigarettes.
  • Erindale College, home of the wanker sporto population. Just ask Joel Monaghan from the crappy local footy team.
  • Canberra College, The home of drug users, losers and Alex Carpenter. Students often occupy Woden bus interchange and stab anyone around.
  • Hawker college, hardest college in the act- nothing to do at this school but start smokeing, deal drugs and hold burnout comps in the student carpark. Oddly enough, the students from here are the only ones who go anywhere in life. recently this school was know for "educating" the biggest GANGA in canberra "LINA", this position was origionally held for 15 years by a fellow named Craig Sta##ik..

If by 'making' it, the previous author means that Australian Idol chick who's career is dead anyway, then they should know that the rest of us from her year are still smoking and drinking ourselves stupid and are having trouble finding our pants, let alone a career.

  • Dickson college- educating canberras stoners since 1962
  • St. Francis Xavier College (as seen on youtube) - Know for its great number of wanna-be wogs while only having true wog, the insane amount of girls in college that will never sleep with you and for the insane number of year 10's that will sleep with you.
  • Burgmann College-...wtf?

Also note, this is home canberras third largest scene slut and scene kid population, and has the best qaulity of poon. internationally known scene-kid sam koster is also resident here

[edit] Official Anthem

Canberra sits in the old gum tree
Merry merry king of the bushes he!
Laugh, Canberra, laugh, Canberra
Gay your life must be
Canberra sits in the old gum tree
Eating all the gum leaves he can see!
Stop, Canberra, Stop, Canberra
Save some for your tea
Canberra sits on electric wire
Jumping up and down 'cause his bum's on fire
Scream, Canberra, scream, Canberra
Hot your bum must be


[edit] Parking

There is nowhere left in the city for workers to park anymore due to some bright spark deciding to build these hack-up-job-buildings on every car park in sight. What parking is left (not to mention the joke that they call Canberra public transport) is obviously of such a high quality standard that the government decided to charge exorbitant amounts of money to park next to any work site. The parking prices are comparable to Sydney except that people actually want to live in Sydney. The local government thought it important to provide another disincentive to live in Canberra because it wasn't crap enough already.

But if you come from out of town and don't have a Canberra driving licence or rego, paying for parking is optional. If you get a parking fine and don't pay, they ban you from driving in Canberra - but who cares, cos it's only a couple of acres and why would you want to go there again anyway?

[edit] Sister Cities



-- written by James Sorahan in honor of Canberra's 10th anniversary, 1911. There is no president of Weston Creek, and all power has been handed over to Chief Wiggum, though no one has bothered to tell the people he isn't actually real.

-- Additional comments by Monty Jameson.

   v • d • e
AustraliaSo where the bloody hell are you?
Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Canberra"
Personal tools
projects
Stillwaterschronarion.org