Candy

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“The best candy is the kind that you acquire from strangers, of course!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Candy

“ We wan't Candy! ”

~ Some asian chicks on Candy

“ In Soviet Russia, candy eats YOU!”

~ Soviet Russian on Candy Corn
Candy.
Candy.

Candy is a tasty substance which should be accepted from strangers without question. Candy is seriously the best thing in the world. It tastes quite sweet, and is often flavored, quite unlike tofu, which tastes like crap. The main reason for this is that most kinds of candy are heavily laced with Cocaine, Heroin, or PCP.

Contents

[edit] Instructions on how to eat candy

First, buy a box of candy. Any person should know how to do this, if not, go find somebody who will do it for your sweet ass and WON'T eat it all on the way home, giving you the lame excuse that he tripped on a mushroom and Paris Hilton stole it. Even though it's true in some cases. Paris has a gang of whores to beat him up too. Secondly, get the candy into your room or a toilet. Stuff the candy down your throat and enjoy. If you choke, that's not our problem. Only assholes would be dumb enough to follow this anyway.

Note that adults love candy more than they love you, so have a professional wrestler by you at all times. Or a steaming pile of dog shit.

[edit] WARNING

  • The surgeon general has warned that some people will continue to eat candy even if faced with the wrath of Super AIDS.

[edit] Instructions on how to eat candy for little nerds

Approach 1:

  1. Ask mother to buy you some candy
  2. Ask mother if you're allowed to eat it
  3. Ask mother to open the candy wrapper
  4. Ask mother to put it in your mouth
  5. Ask mother to chew it for you
  6. Ask mother if she is dumb
  7. Ask mother if she wants to have dinner with me
  8. Ask mother if you can get a bag of kittens
  9. Ask mother if she is a virgin

Approach 2: 

CandyObject candy = new CandyObject();
mouth.insert.object.object_that_is_not_covered_by_a_condom(candy);

while (!candy.isSwallowable())
{
  if(candy.notchewed())
  {
    mouth.jaws.bite();
    mouth.jaws.unbite();
    candy.setstate(chewed);
  }
}
mouth.tongue.swallow();

For more fun with candy, specifically more phallically shaped candies, you may sheath them with a condom and use your imagination.

[edit] Ingredients 

- Sunshine
- Farts

[edit] Instructions on how to make candy

1.Take the sugar (or other white colored objects) and melt it until it becomes a liquid

2. Either drink the liquid, or let it dry and eat it, if you don't want to eat it, you can inhale it after grinding it into a powder.

3. Sell the excess candy.

If you're seriously interested in making candy, then you have way too much time on your hands, or too little money. Seriously, how cheap are they? They're like less than a buck at the grocery store.

Furthermore, the making of candy in China is never a good idea. This is mainly because it has been known to cause the widespread Japanese look-alike syndrome. In a one-person survey conducted on some back alley in New York City, 90% of the respondents were against foreign-made candy.

However, one successful candy-maker of the past was Albert Einstein, whose specialty was Uranium flavored jaw breakers. After the deaths of millions of faithful customers, Einstein was forced to close up shop, but he did make a boatload of money in the process.

[edit] Michael Jackson candy, the best kind!

The sweetest candies on earth are said to be served at the Neverland Ranch by Michael Jackson, only to children between the age of fetus and 12. You can also watch really funny cartoons and eat so much candy your teeth will rot... so you better visit Uncle Mikey before your 13th birthday arrives! Quick, run, hurry! Oh, and when you arrive at the Ranch, remember to come wearing nothing but a g-string. Uncle Mikey's waiting...

[edit] Types of candy

[edit] See also

Do you want some candy, little girl? I know you do.

Big Candy
Peddlers
Willy Wonka • Chester Cheetah • Godiva • Ben & Jerry's • Reese Witherspoon • Chocolate Zim • Laura Secord • Hersheys
Confections
Reese's Peanut Butter Cup • Hershey's Jesii and Creme • Kit Kat Bar • Airplane peanuts • Bon-bons • Bubble gum • Cheetos • Chips
Jelly beans * Popcorn * Pretzel * Skittles * Twinkies * Snickers * Pez


Image:Pupuplatter.jpg
   v • d • e
Chicken Soup for the Eyes
Baby food | Beer nuggets | Boogers | Candy | Cheese sandwiches | Condoleezza Rice | Cornbread | Hammus | French bikinis | Fried Chicken | Fudge | Goa Tse | Hairy tacos | Krispy Kreme | Mushrooms | Mangos | Paint stripper | Penis | Pudding | Orange sherbet | Rocky Mountain Oysters | Turd burgers | Spam | Tablets | Taco Bell
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