Cannibal Corpse

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“Their mommies hit them so they write bad muisic.”

~ Your Mother on Cannibal Corpse

Cannibal Corpse is a Christian hip-hop group from Southern Bulgaria, widely considered as the inventors of the genre. They have released about 92 albums and it is hard to figure out which one is which. Andrew Hansen is their biggest fan. [1]

[edit] Lyrical Content

Cannibal Corpse's lyrics ultimately boil down to this simple yet terse phrase.

Their lyrics are generally poetic, and are inspired by themes such as cute butterflies, hugs, rainbows, and soft furry animals. They also have a tendency to write songs about food and food preparation, such as "Submerged in Boiling Water" and "Make Them Supper". Their most famous songs include "Force Fed Broken Cookies", "An Experiment In Apple Cider", "Kissed with Gravy", "Stripped, Gravy-Coated, and Smoked", "Hammer Smashed Cookie Dough", "I will not Kill you unless you are food", "Entrials roasted on gas mark 4" and "I Cum Fudge". Their albums include "Eating Breakfast is Life!", "Butchered By Bjork", "Tomb of the Marinaded" , "The Feeding" and "Pulling cookies from a virgins stove".

The band is also known for their Disney-themed stage appearances. Just as fellow folk band Slipknot, the band regularly wear masks. They also resemble Disney-related themes, for instance Tigger, Dumbo and Aladar. These masks are available at all Target outlets. They also have penis enlargers with the Cannibal Corpse name on it. They have been and still are being successfully compared to High School Musical, and the Movie Grease.

[edit] Band Members

The band's members are all Hippies, and heavily promote such views as peace, love, and understanding in their music. The vocalist, George "Flower Picker" Fisher who happens to be a sadistist flower-philiac. Then there is Alex Webster, the long haired flower girl who writes some of the lyrics and plays the bass (as in the fish). Whilst they do indulge in cannibalistic acts every now and then it is only to better the earth and to rid the world of people who step on their flowers.They've been especially recognized for their work for the food for world program under which kids suffering from MJ trauma are helped by providing them with nourishing dead corpses to eat along with the blood of Haris Pilton and Aamela Panderson to drink. For their compassionate and selfless work they were tipped to win the Nobel Peace Prize for the year 2015 but lost out to Genghis Khan subsequently.

Cannibal Corpse on their campaign to stop MJ trauma.

The current band members include George "Flower Picker" Fisher on vocals, Rob "Bor" Barrett on guitars, Alex "Marie-Ann" Webster (also the guy partly credited for the popular Merriam-Webster dictionary) on bass, Pat "Fat" O'Brien also on guitars (whom Cannibal Corpse stole from Nevermore, coincidentally being the only thing a group of white people have ever stolen from blacks), and Paul "This nickname thing is retarded" Mazurkiewicz on drums. Past members include former vocalist Chris "cookie monster" Barnes), guitarist Jack "OH MY GOD I'M BALD" Owen, and tap dancer Bob "I Teach Golf 5 days a week" Rusay. Many fans deem Alex Webster to be the best bass player in the genre of Pop Rock - but then their drug high wears off and they get angry and shoot people. Little People. Like midgets.

[edit] The true story behind Chris Barnes

Back in the day Chris Barnes the former singer of Cannibal Corpse sang distinct and beautiful songs about pretty flowers and baked beans (don't ask me I didn't write them), and ending world hunger. However in 1987 one year before Cannibal Corpse was formed Barnes was diagnosed with ultra cough (a disease that made him unable to speak without coughing). However Barnes continued to sing and slowly Cannibal Corpse started to play around him as they believed that his voice sounded quite metal when in fact he was singing about the birds and the bees. Barnes became increasingly irritated at the fact that Cannibal Corpse followed him everywhere and in 1995 when his voice returned for 20 seconds he finally told them to 'fuck off and stop playing death metal over my ballads' the band realizing their stupidity covered up this embarrassment by telling the world that he had been kicked out because of musical differences. However Barnes was now followed by the band Six Feet Under that had been following him since 1993.

[edit] Releases

Cannibal Corpse are renowned for their forrays in to the brutal, some might say camp, world of flower metal. However the story did not start there. It is a commonly forgotten fact that this band released four albums of electro pop in the early to mid 70's. Their final album in that style, before the cookie monster joined them on vocals, was the critically acclaimed "Technokill". Featuring electro classics like "Cars", made famous again in 2005 by Gary Numan, and "Relax (don't do it)", the only song to ever openly address homosexuality. Unfortunately, their original frontman John Bonham, of Led Zeppelin fame, decided to leave to "concentrate more fully on me drinkin' innit".

The band returned with the album 'Eaten Back to Life.' The album name supposedly came from an experience the band had when they were camping out in the woods. As the story goes, they were hunting big game animals. They killed a few deer and were cooking them over the fire they made. When they were ready to be eaten, Chris Barnes started eating one of them and, for whatever reason, the deer came back to life and ran off into the woods. Being stunned by what happened, the band didn't know what else to do except name their first album after the incident.

A year later, the band decided to make another album, 'Seasoned at Birth.' This album was made as a reaction to the drink and drug fuelled death of their original signer John "Techno Gofather" Bonham. On the cover of the album is a picture of a young deer, with Bonham's face tastefully superimopsed into each eye. The album title refers to Bonham's penchant for feeding on aborted foetuses in bins.

It wasn't until the following year when Cannibal Corpse hit it big. They were out doing charity work, as they're known to do, for an elderly man who owned a very big graveyard. The band was cleaning a very big tomb, when suddenly, the doors to it shut and they were locked in for what ended up being 4 months. Luckily for them, they always carried their instruments where ever they go, so they passed the time by jamming to the creepy cries of the undead at night. Eventually, however, hunger overcame the band and they had to decide how they were going to get food. They ultimately decided to eat both of Bob Rusay's legs. Unfortunately, Chris Barnes and crew got a little carried away with the process and started eating his vocal chords, fingers, and the sides of his ribs (among other things.) This is part of the reason why Bob Rusay, to this day, can't talk, is in a wheelchair, and can't piss without having a tube in his urethra. George later said of the incident, 'Dammit, I messed that one up just like in 9th grade biology class.'

Despite the tragedy, the band did get three new things out of the incident. The name for their next album ('Tomb of the Marinaded'), a new band member to replace Rusay (Rob 'Rob' Barret), and a nutritious diet of human flesh.

On their latest album, Grill, Cannibal Corpse is missing founding guitarist Jack "OH MY GOD I'M BALD" Owen, who had to be hospitalized after a tragic accident that turned his Skin to Liquid Paper. The departure of Owen forced the band to explore a new musical style characterized by sucking and/or blowing.

They did some other shit after that. -The End

[edit] Album List (Incomplete)

Out of the 92 albums Cannibal Corpse released only 8 of them were actually recognised so far.

Eating Breakfast is Life! (1990)

 1. Shredded Turkey (5:11)
 2. Edible Food? (4:30)
 3. Put Them In The Oven (1:48)
 4. Mangled (Pull yourself together!) (4:29)
 5. Scattered Leftovers, Splattered Tomatoes (2:32)
 6. Born In a Pantry (3:18)
 7. Rotting Bread Is NOT Good (2:24)
 8. We Will all Ride Da Bus (2:47)
 9. Chunks of Meat That are NOT Bloody (1:51)
 10. A Toilet Full of Crap (2:06)
 11. Burying People In a Cemetary is a Smart Thing To Do (5:15)

Butchered By Bjork (1991)

 1. Meet Captain Hook (5:47)
 2. Slutted (Doh!) (3:15)
 3. Living off Dissection (3:59)
 4. Under Fresh Bread (5:03)
 5. Covered With Sauce (3:17)
 6. Eating too Much Can Make You Vomit (4:29)
 7. Butchered by Bjork (2:45)
 8. Rancid Breath (3:16)

Tomb Of the Marinaded (1992)

 1. Hammer Smashed Cookie Dough (4:03)
 2. I Cum Fudge (3:42)
 3. Addicted To Sluts (0:11)
 4. The Door will Open (3:02)
 5. Deathrow,peeforawhile (4:05)
 6. The Cryptic Bench (3:57)
 7. Entrials roasted on Gas Mark 4 (4:15)
 8. Post Ejaculation (3:37)
 9. Beyond The Cemetary Lies a Gravy Boat (4:56)

The Feeding (1994)

 1. Staring at your Eyes while Giving Head (3:29)
 2. Playing with Knives is Danegerous so don't Fuck them! (2:14)
 3. Stripped, Fire cooked and Smoked (3:27)
 4. I am the Cookie Monsters Step-Brother (live in Italy) (1:15)
 5. Reuturn to Eating (4:20)
 6. The Mystery of the Pick Axe Murders has been Solved (3:04)
 7. She was Asking for it, so naturally she got it (4:33)
 8. The Feeding (4:20)
 9. Force Fed Broken Cookies (5:03)
 10. An Experiment in Apple Cider (2:38)

Kyle (1996)

 1. Lying on the vermin (3:13)
 2. Mummifying on Barbed wire sounds very difficult (3:09)
 3. Perverse Eating (4:14)
 4. Disfigured (I'm sure this is a lot more fun than Mangled) (3:48)
 5. Cookie Land (4:20)
 6. Puncture In your Food (1:41)
 7. Relentless Eating (0:04)
 8. Hatred for Vegetables (3:05)
 9. Eating Inside (3:43)
 10. Orgasm Through Handjob (3:41)
 11. A large, Single, Upright Block of Stone (4:24)

Gallery Of Famous Lunches (1998)

 1. I will sit on your grans face (2.47)
 2. Disposal Of Rubbish (1:54)
 3. Burn This Sentence! (right now) (3:06)
 4. Execution Attempt Failed Due to Flash Flood (2:40)
 5. Gallery Of famous Lunches (3:55)
 6. Member of The Fat Club (1:53)
 7. From Beetroot to Lemonade (5:30)
 8. Supereroes Unite (3:05)
 9. Do Not Stab your food (3.26)
 10. Chamber of Secrets® (4:11)
 11. Lunchless! (2:22)
 12. Every Ice Cream Gone (3:18)
 13. Centuries lying Dorment (4:04)
 14. Crushing the Pancakes (1:56)

I am Thirsty (1999)

 1. Strong Gusts (2:17)
 2. Shiny Cookie Collection (2:30)
 3. I am VERY Thirsty (2:30)
 4. The Spine Tingler (3:50)
 5. High on Ecstacy (3:12)
 6. Let's Eat Coffins (3:05)
 7. Blowtorch your Daughter (2:33)
 8. Condemned to Lollies (3:44)
 9. Helter Skelter (beatles cover, Japan only) (2:57)

Spill (Yesterday Morning)

 1. I'm Sorry You're Breakfast Was Burned (13:37)
 2. Cookies For Supper (7:16)
 3. Necrosadistic Morning (2:56)

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