Captain Oblivious

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The unperson ~~Captain Oblivious~~ never existed and was a fabrication perpetrated by Emmanuel Goldstein.

Memories of ~~Captain Oblivious~~ shall be corrected doubleplusgoodwise by Miniluv.

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Captain Oblivious to the rescue?

“What?”

~ Captain Oblivious

“I wonder why they call me that.”

~ Captain Oblivious on his name

“Uncyclopedia should write an article about me.”

~ Captain Oblivious on Captain Oblivious

“Really? He's gay?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Dale Winton

“Wait! He's dead?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Heath Ledger

1 Don't Be Oblivious and Do the Obvious by Confusing Captain Oblivious with Captain Obvious
2 The Oblivious Offspring
3 Education and Work History
4 Other Quotes on Record from Captain Oblivious
5 The Conclusion - Even Captain Oblivious Has Got an Achilles Heel

[edit] Don't Be Oblivious and Do the Obvious by Confusing Captain Oblivious with Captain Obvious

Captain Oblivious is not to be confused with Captain Obvious, who may or may not be his twin brother, as Captain Oblivious mentions in page 1 of his 2 page autobiography:

“Captain Obvious says we're related, and he seems to know a lot about our mutual childhood. Why, I don't know.”

~ Captain Oblivious

Captain Obvious verified this in his own autobiography where in page 2 he writes:

“I think he can't recognize me with this helmet on. Perhaps I should take it off.”

~ Captain Obvious on why his brother doesn't know him

[edit] The Oblivious Offspring

Captain Oblivious Jr. aka The Riddler.

“I have a son?”

~ Captain Oblivious on having a son

“I'm black?!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Being black

“What I really miss about my childhood is going fishing with my father without a rod. Or a boat. Or my father.”

~ The Riddler on his childhood

Captain Oblivious has one son he does not remember procreating. Naturally the identity of The Riddler's mother escapes Captain Oblivious, as does the whereabouts of his beloved son. Captain Oblivious also remains oblivious of the fact that The Riddler had a career as an arch-enemy of Batman. Eventually The Riddler got fired because he wore too stupid a costume, and nowadays he is pestering his poor father by sending him riddles such as "Guess whose son am I".

It is also rumored that Captain Oblivious has another son, namely Conan O'Blivious.

[edit] Education and Work History

Captain Oblivious is a freelance superhero constantly moving between superhero groups. He usually winds up kicked out after no longer than six months due to his unique condition, which is best described in his own words:

“People get really annoyed at me for some reason. I... wait a second, is today Tuesday? Was I supposed to be saving Earth today? Where am I? What is this stuff?”

~ Captain Oblivious on being interviewed in a smegma vat

He first rose through the ranks of Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters to join the X-Men. He also possesses several superpowers, including flight, although he is often seen taking a taxi for an unknown reason. His special ability is to forget his own name.

He was first brought into to the X-Men because otherwise he'd still be wandering around Xavier's mansion. Prof. X recommended they give him something to do.

“I know the bathroom was around here yesterday...”

~ Captain Oblivious on getting lost again

He was later expelled from the X-Men due to his numerous bouts of obliviousness. The final straw came when Magneto crumpled the X-Men's headquarters with his mind after Captain Oblivious told him where it was.

“Was that a secret? I thought it was pretty well-known. I mean, otherwise he could have done that at any time, right?”

~ Captain Oblivious

After he was kicked out of the X-Men, he went on to do some solo stuff, until he met his sidekick, Pedoboy. A year later, he broke up with him after the Cops taken him away.

“I had a sidekick?”

~ Captain Oblivious

[edit] Other Quotes on Record from Captain Oblivious

“What is this fiendish wizardry?? Begone, hellish gremlin!!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Computers

“I'm a big cat lover, they're so friendly and lovable. My cat knows a lot of tricks, I'm not sure where he learned them though.”

~ Captain Oblivious on The Riddler's dog

“He founded Berlinlandstan”

~ Captain Oblivious on Cat Lover

“Yes.”

~ Captain Obvious

“Hey look, there's a black man following me.”

~ Captain Oblivious on his shadow

“Hey Oscar Wilde, your wife looks sick.”

~ Captain Oblivious on Oscar Wilde's dead prostitute

“That cake's as good as mine, they're going to give it to me, any second now...”

~ Captain Oblivious on Portal

“AAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH???”

~ Captain Oblivious on fire

“I feel strange...”

~ Captain Oblivious on drugs

“I think I wet myself”

~ Captain Oblivious on swimming at his local pool

“How much is this ring?”

~ Captain Oblivious on shopping in the One Dollar Store

“What about this one?”

~ Captain Oblivious on still shopping in the One Dollar Store

“I like your ring”

~ Captain Oblivious on getting his face repeatedly punched by the One Dollar Store clerk

“Excuse me, sir! I noticed you left this briefcase in the White House!”

~ Captain Oblivious on dirty bombs

“What happened to the World Trade Center?”

~ Captain Oblivious on 9/11

“I'm awfully sorry, didn't see you there”

~ Captain Oblivious on car crash

“Wow!!!!! It's Captain Oblivious!!!”

~ Fanboy on Captain Oblivious

“Where?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the above

“Shits where?”

~ Captain Oblivious on The Bear

“Wait a minute. If all I have to do is cut the correct wire, why can't I just cut all the wires?”

~ Captain Oblivious on bomb defusing

“It's a pool of acid. Oh well, it's got nothing to do with me. Hey look, a moth.”

~ Captain Oblivious on a pool of acid that Wolverine is being hung over

“Logan, are you angry or something?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Wolverine, shortly before being admitted to the emergency room

“You see, I have this Big Gun and whenever I am about to shoot an invading alien the Gun just goes click-click. I mean do I need to load the Gun with something?”

~ Captain Oblivious on his Big Gun

“Huh? You mean that black square in the starting room was a doorway?”

~ Captain Oblivious on playing The Legend of Zelda

“I went to the movies the other day but all they had there was some sort of a big screen with a kind of moving picture reflected on it, so I left. They didn't even have lights there for crying out loud!”

~ Captain Oblivious on going to the movies

“HUH?.. Wait What?”

~ Captain Oblivious on most famous quote

“Where did the Jews go?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the Holocaust

“Those people look like ants from up here”

~ Captain Oblivious on looking at some ants

“I thought he was black”

~ Captain Oblivious on Michael Jackson

“An Eskimo? Whats an Eskimo?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Eskimos

“Huh? Oh. AAAAAAAA!”

~ Captain Oblivious on fire

“He's a little slow at understanding things and most days seems quite oblivious about what's going on around him”

~ Captain Obvious on Captain Oblivious

“The chicken did what???”

~ Captain Oblivious on Why did the chicken cross the road?

“Damnit! It's like they have a different word for everything!”

~ Captain Oblivious on the French

“Some French words are the same as English words”

~ Captain Obvious on "words 'n' stuff"

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

~ Captain Obvious on acid

“Doodle poodele Eeh hee I am here. You are There. My name is my name.”

~ Captain Obvious on Drugs

“I think he might be Batman!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Bruce Wayne, 3/4 of the way through watching Batman

“So, what's the Matrix?”

~ Captain Oblivious on The Matrix, After 6 hour long movie marathon

[edit] The Conclusion - Even Captain Oblivious Has Got an Achilles Heel

Captain Oblivious thought he ordered himself a Captain's Log and look what they brought him instead!

“I've got no Achilles heel! If I did, I'd know about it!”

~ Captain Oblivious on his Achilles heel

It wasn't long before the group became fed up with Captain Oblivious' frequent trips to "outer space" in the midst of battle, as well as his maddening inability to comprehend the seriousness of the situation at a given moment.

“Wait, that's it?”

~ Captain Oblivious