Captain Understatement

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"This is not actually a picture of me."

“I don't think he was a very nice man.”

~ Captain Understatement on Caligula

“I've heard it's relatively big.”

~ Captain Understatement on The Universe

“It was a bit loud.”

~ Captain Understatement on the Big Bang

“This man is an utter fuckwit, who deserves to have his head impaled on a long rusty stake, and then cooked and eaten by the occupants of his own country. Subsequently, his scrotum should be cut off and used as a contreception for feral dogs or cats (or preferably both).”

~ Captain Understatement on George W. Bush

Captain Understatement is a supervillain whose overall abilities — such as intelligence and manipulation skills — are generally superior than those of the average person, but quite short of superhero standards. He usually fights individuals of rather good intentions, who aim to pose a sort of threat to his virtually not benign plans to harm the Earth or the Universe. He is often accompanied by his loyal sidekick, Professor Subtle, who helps him complete his statements of neutrality. Being Captain Obvious's adversary, he generally responds to his statements by making them more politically correct and fights him on several occasions of quite large proportions, which usually result in a slight setback in his plans of damaging some entity. He sometimes reappears and rechallenges Captain Obvious after a fixed period of time, which is slightly different in each fandom.

[edit] Life

Captain Understatement was born while simultaneously causing a specific amount of inconvenience to his mother and father, to the former during the birth, and to the latter after it. Having achieved relatively few goals during his childhood, his parents feared that he could possibly be of somewhat low intelligence. However, during puberty, he enrolled in a military school against his will, after a negligible fight with his parents concerning some rather subtle homosexual tendencies. There, he was involved in a minor nuclear incident. The majority of people would not survive such an event, but by a mildly surprising stroke of luck, Captain Understatement gained his superpowers through a process still not understood fully by some human biologists. After attaining his abilities, he was struck rather quickly with the generic idea of conquering the world, which he has never achieved fully.

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