Carl Sagan
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Famed as one of the originators of the Artificial Pseudoscientology movement, Carl Sagan is considered by many as the Thinking Man's Scientist. Due to creating the Big/Small Ray (an idea he took from his friend Isaac Asimov ( The father of Robbie The Robot)some also consider him the Shrinking Man's Scientist. Others, thanks to his large donations to Hoboerotic Charities prefer to think of him as the Stinking Man's Scientist. Alcoholics are frequently too pissed to give him any thought.
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[edit] Life and Subsequent Death
Carl Sagan lived for billions and billions of years, starting on November 9th of every year since he was born. His death has been depicted in the famous painting above, and in many plays and films, most notably Hamlet and Top Gun. He created Google and invented space travel. During his frequent trips, he took a picture of the Earth from very far away, and no one has told him it was all a conspiracy yet, so don't resurrect him and tell him, okay?
[edit] Big Bang
Carl Sagan was a burger flipper at McDonalds and McDonalds was selling more burgers than they could count. After McDonalds counted over 999 Million, there was not a word invented yet for that high a number. Carl Sagan had a speech problem back then due to the tightness of his turtleneck sweaters, and mistakenly pronounced his Ms as Bs, which caused him to say billions.
Then they asked him about how many stars are in the sky, he mispronounced his B's and D's as G's and he meant to say kit and ka boodle and instead made a word called Google, which was later turned into googolplex and a popular quilt maker. He went on to coauthor the Peabody winning documentary-slash-musical Cosmos with Stephen Hawking.
[edit] Ex terra lucem
New science had their own scientists who figured that Sagan was stupid enough to join their ranks, and awarded him honorary deluxe junior woodchuck astronomy scientist for life. He received a pay raise, and started his own TV show on PBS called Cosmos after writing a book of the same name and having his speech problems fixed. The show was long and boring, but it won Sagan a Nobel Peace Prize and a Nobel War Prize. He subsequently starred in a seven-part television series of his earlier book Bonjour Tristesse, in which he played himself both before and after the temporal fissure that caused a split of his being into two distinct identities: the original, and one that traversed the multiverse solving mysteries in a hippie bus, although this has yet to be proven or made into a hit movie.
After he became famous, Apple Computer wanted to name their next Macintosh in his honour, but he objected to it, and then Apple nicknamed him "Butthead Astronomer". This upset Sagan, and he decided to go on a rampage and invent the word pseudoscience to discredit anyone he did not like. The New science scientists liked this phrase, and use it to attack and bash anyone who was not stupid like they were.
Many people dislike Carl Sagan. This is due to the fact that he has been able to out-reason even the most reasonable of philosophers simply by pointing out the fact that they were making the stuff up off of the top of their heads. Few shared the same tenacity that Sagan had displayed thus.
[edit] Trivia
- Carl Sagan was the basis for the Bob Dylan song "Hey Mister Tambourine Man"
- Though all scientists are mad, Carl Sagan gets even.
- Carl Sagan does it 6 and a half days a year.
- New Scientists have all the features of old scientists but with kung fu action.
- Carl Sagan once managed a apartment complex on Mars. Why? I dunno.
- After many years he finally quit life.
- Carl Sagan coauthored and starred in his very own musical showcase.
- Scientifically the most handsome man in science
- Farms dandelions, just so he can grab the seeds and let the wind pull on them until he sets them free
- Has a spaceship, though no one is allowed inside because he doesn't want anyone "messing with his shit"
- Started the trend of wearing turtleneck sweaters and courduroy jackets in men of science
[edit] See also
