Carrot Top

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The beautiful couple, on the day of their blessed union.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Carrot Top.

The Carrot Top singularity, as depicted by an illustrator. You can spot the black hole in the middle of it.

Carrot Top, working out to rape you in your sleep.

“I love you. I'm just not in love with you.”

~ Carrot Top on your goddamn feet

“Fuck off.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Carrot Top

Carrot "Lettuce" Top, is an American dramatist and was once a god to the Babylonian people. He is a singularity in the Uncyclopedia world. This is due to the fact that he is so weird that you cannot say anything funny about him. Also, we have not figured out yet whether it's a man or a woman. Probably both.

Come on: try to mock Carrot Top. What can you say that hasn't been already said? Ugly? Already done. Boring? Said too many times. Gay? Definitely ... that's the rumor, anyway, I wouldn't know first hand because I like girls, I swear. Love child of Chris Evans and Geri Halliwell? Damn straight! Freak? Pervert? Scary? Check, check and checkmate. As you can see, nobody can make fun of Carrot Top since he has managed to make such a ridicule of himself, that somehow, it collapsed absorbing all the ridiculousness around him.

From a quantic point of view, Carrot Top resembles a black hole. With the sole difference that he doesn't look black or hollow. However, professor Stephen Hawking has said the following about Carrot Top:

"kjshdkjheeeeeeeeeeeeeeendnllllllllll sorry, my cat was walking over the keyboard. Ah, Carrot Top. He is black and hollow. It seems to be white, but the colour is given by the small amounts of light that is generated when ridiculousness tries to escape the Carrot Top Weird Gravity Field. We have calculated that if we send an astronaut near Carrot Top, time will seem to expand to infinity. That's not related to relativity, but to the fact that any person put near Carrot Top will bore itself to death, making them feel as if time were eternal."

Carrot Top's collapse into a singularity of 4-dimensional "LaughTime" was rumored to be triggered by his divorce from Carrot Bottom.

This guy was actually the shittiest actor in "Pauly Shore is Dead". That should count for something.

[edit] Trivia

Despite selling out shows, Carrot Top has never made anyone laugh, ever. He is extremely odd.
15=73+89=67 is the symbol of Carrot Tops' giant squid master, Oogaboogah.
Carrot Top enjoys baking bread in his spare time
Carrot Top is the Founder and only member of "Squids for the Preservation of Orange Ginger" society.
Carrot Top is a great source of beta carotene. Too bad nobody would ever put him in their mouth.
Carrot Top took up bodybuilding in 2001. He now considers himself the worlds strongest platypus.
Close friend of George Lucas
He died on Friday, March 16th, 2007 with Elliot CasaKA-BOOM!!! by his side...
Carrot Top is the mastermind behind Uncyclopedia, which would explain why it isn't funny. At all.
Carrot Top had been known, while on the road, to eat 10-14 candles before each show.
Carrot Top is, in fact, a big, ghoulish woman. (Trivia point two reference.) This case was made at the Roast of Flavor Flav.
Carrot Top is quoted on the business cards of the Bunny Ranch (Nevada Brothel) "These girls love Carrot sticks."
One of the newest phobias identified in the DSM IV is the fear of running into Carrot Top in a dark alley and not being able to kick his carrot ass. CarrottNoAssKickPhobia is further enhanced by Carrot Top appearances such as those on the Roast of Flavor Flav or Mindfreak where the Red-headed terror wears tight fitting or sleeveless shirts. As the phobia grows support groups may be popping up in major metropolitan areas.
Carrot Top is also known as the king of all gingers, and their top warrior, or the "Arch Ginger".
Carrot Top is currently the Most Wanted Comedian, by the samurai, who are hell bent on finding him so that they can slit his throat to rid the world of his ridiculous propoganda. He has eluded the samurai for several hundred years, mostly by assorting with known ninja. The ninja's also taught him to master disguises, and Carrot Top is rumored to have escaped the hands of the samurai on several accounts by cleverly disguising himself as a transvestite and sleeping with the samurai before disappearing into the night. Because Carrot Top has developed the ability make himself invisible (a must since he has to go out in public) there is some speculation as to the necessity of Carrot Top's decision to sleep with samurai.