Carson Kressley
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Carson Kressley is a television personality best known as the "smartest" cast member of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and also for his Emmy-winning performance as Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton on C-Span's blockbuster comedy hit Love That Hillary!
When not acting on TV, he works at the local Wal-Mart (see photo), where he enjoys threatening young female customers with "a slow, painful, fiery death" if they are caught shoplifting on camera.
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[edit] TV Appearances
- Kressley has also appeared at the Olympics on a horse, dressed in a very snappy outfit.
- In March 2002, Kressley was featured on A&E's Biography, during which it was revealed that he is actually heterosexual, and only plays a gay man on TV "for the money."
- Kressley was set to star in his own sitcom, tentatively entitled Huff My Kitty. However, network executives declined to pick up the series after viewing the utterly disgusting pilot episode, which used advanced CGI special effects to show Kressley tearing out his own liver and feeding it to his pet cat.
[edit] Queerness
He has had surgery on his balloon knot to allow 15 penises to enter, Know to have a tattoo above his ass saying 24 hour parking - Trucks welcome. He has never seen a female vagina because he doesn't trust anything that can bleed for 5 days and not die.He is so gay he shits a rainbow. His mum is so fat she jumped on the rainbow, skittles popped out. His parents has said on numerous occasions if they had know he would be a poo pusher they would have had that abortion. It is believed that his mum tried to have an mexican abortion that involves being hit like a Piñata. He made medical history when he fell out his mums ass during birth.
[edit] Favorite Activities
- In his spare time, Kressley is married to part-time nice person Rosie O'Donnell, but has never touched her, because she's creepy and possibly bi-polar.
- Kressley enjoys dressing up as Paris Hilton in order to frighten his parents, in hopes of inducing fatal heart attacks. So far, Kressley's parents have been unable to tell the difference and are still alive.
- Few people know that Kressley is a champion pole vaulter. At parties held at private homes, he has been known to produce, seemingly from out of nowhere, a competition-standard 4-meter pole which he then uses to vault himself onto the roof, where he then beats his chest King Kong-style while loudly singing George Michael songs a cappella. No one has yet to determine where he keeps the pole, however.
