Catsup

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Catsup (originally spelled 'Catsoop') was first invented by Mike Hunt in 1916 while sucking on a tooberfish in the trenches of French. He sold the rights to his discovery to the Illuminati, who sold catsup to support their chicanery.

[edit] Modern creation

Because of how drastically the tooberfish has been overfished, modern companies must use synthetic procedures, of which there are many.

Most common is a procedure called "arachabutryfication," which involves taking the livers of winged insects and putting them in peanut butter. The peanut-butter-winged-insect-liver combination is then fed to ravenous mountain lions that have been doused in warm oil. After two weeks of regular peanut-butter-winged-insect-liver feeding, the mountain lions are allowed to romp in fields of daffodils and set free. (It is precisely this romping that prepares the daffodils for harvest.) The daffodils are inserted stem-first into a trifer (see note at end) for mixing (with bat guano) and processing into catslop.

[edit] Common Myths

It is commonly believed that catsup is good on French fries. This unfounded myth was originated by the Illuminati, and remains to this day. Those "in the know" know that malt vinegar is far superior as a French Fry additive, as it is less likely to contain bat guano.

It is also commonly believed that catsup is identical to ketchup but only spelled differently; however, this is not true and is merely a non-truth circulating in the World as a result of a conspiracy on the part of the Ketchup and Military Consortium. The United States Supreme Court decision in Ketchup v. Catsup conclusively decided for dictionary purposes within the territorial limits of the United States (including Guam) that catsup and ketchup are different, distinct and non-overlapping.

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