Catwoman
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Catwoman, born the 34th September 1934, is a cat/human hybrid and sometimes villain of Batman
“Best 25 cents I ever spent!”
~ Batman on Catwoman's famous clawed tuggies
“Guys, stop calling me Catwoman!!!”
~ Matt May
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| Gender: | Transsexual |
| Height: | 5'9" |
| Weight: | 85 lbs. |
| Eyes: | Brown |
| Ass: | That cherry's been plucked. Sorry, gents. |
| Hair: | Leather |
| Species: | Feline/Human DNA fuckup |
| Occupation: | Thief, whore, porn star, sex toy designer, assassin. |
| Base of operations: | Gotham City's Red Light District or Hot Topic |
| Status: | Sexually Active |
Contents |
[edit] Origin
Moscow, Russia: Septober the 34th, 1934, Catherine Wu-Men was born. His father, Samuel L. Jackson, and his mother, NEDM, were pleased to see that their efforts of Super Cat/Human fornication paid off. The birth took place on a plane full of snakes an' shit.
"This is some good shit, son," informs Samuel L. Jackson while on the 747 aircraft, "now it's time to get this muthafucking kid off this muthafucking plane!"
"NEDM," replied NEDM as sparks flew in every direction followed by a spectacular show of laser beams and Rave Techno. The plane soon plummeted into dense forest and everybody but Samuel, NEDM, and Catherine died horrifically.
[edit] The Pursuit of Happiness
At the age of four (in Universal Cat Years), Catherine was abandoned by his parents who went on to pursue fad careers at YTMND. During this time, because of his half-cat status, people tried to huff him several times. Many near-huffed experiences left him Bat Fuck Insane.
Dazed and confused, Catherine stumbled into an alley where he was immediately raped by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Near the end of the rape, when Leonardo was having his turn, Catherine went further into his Bat Fuck Insanity and raped them back. After the counter-rape, Catherine headed to the nearest plastic surgeon for a sex change.
Now legally female, Catherine went out with many douchebags who she thought would bring her some sanity. Her first date was with Spider-Man, but to her displeasure, he was a polygamist and married to Mary-Jane Watson and Barbara Streisand. Her second attempt was with Batman, but he was a neo-nazi and she was not of the Aryan race. Her last, and most successful attempt was with Superman, who she married in the span of one week. Sadly, four years later, Superman was killed by a horse.
Widowed, drunken, and poor, Catherine attempted suicide 36 times in the same evening, but to no avail - she failed each time. She decided that her destiny did not involve killing herself, so she went and looked for our Galactic Overlord, Tom Cruise.
She was successful in obtaining wisdom from Tom. She finally gained her sanity.
The End?
[edit] Death
To our great discontent, Catwoman dies tomorrow. Why??? Because a tiger on drugs will infect her with rabies.
[edit] Sources
