Cedric Diggory

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“A job well done, Cedric. Have a cookie.”

~ Lord Voldemort

“I have no liking for dead people.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Cedric Diggory

Cedric's dead, baby!

Cedric Dickery, better known by his stage name, Cedric Diggory (b. 1865, died in the stock market crash of 1932 and 1945), attended Voldemort's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry during the early twentieth century. He is renowned for his contributions to the world of neuroscience, having discovered that cell phones cause sudden adult onset stupidity after beating himself over the head with one repeatedly and forgetting Mandarin Chinese. After having escaped from Alcatraz, the worst and grimiest of all the Wizard prisons run by J.K. Rowling, he briefly participated in the running of the bulls, where soon after, the Wicked Witch of the West and her right-hand man, Lefty, performed the Avada Kedavra curse on him and promptly turned him into a zombie.

He spends most of his free time trudging about England offering Zombie! Hugs to all the little zombie children of the nation. At Christmas time, he gives kids everywhere ever copies of his favorite book of all time, Lord Voldemort and the Wankiest Wizard of All Time, in which the demigod, Lord Voldemort, vanguishes the mortal, the wanky Harry Potter, once and for all.

According to fans of the Harry Potter series, his favorite color is Pallid Grey, his favorite food is Brain-Filled Hot Pockets, and his favorite movie of all time is Professor Snape On A Plane.

“He frequently dazzles me.”

~ Voldemort on Robert Pattinson

1 Early Life
2 Theories
- 2.1 Cedric Is Dead
- 2.2 Cedric Is Not Dead
3 Cedric's Possessions

[edit] Early Life

Cedric Diggory was born Cedric the Entertainer at the same exact moment Abraham Lincoln shot John Wilkes Boothy in the complex conjugate universe. Throughout his childhood, his fathers toiled endlessly to ensure he wouldn't grow up to become a zombie. Ironically, he did become one, but not right away, so they kind of did a good job.

[edit] Theories

There are actually discrepancies over whether or not Cedric is dead. Of course, he is dead, but there are in fact people who believe Cedric is not dead.

[edit] Cedric Is Dead

This, of course, is true. Cedric is no more. (Well, he's a zombie.) He's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. Cedric is an ex-wizard. Which just plainly sucks, doesn't it?

[edit] Cedric Is Not Dead

Many reason that since Cedric isn't aware of his death, then he cannot be dead. But they don't understand what a zombie is now, do they? People these days...

[edit] Cedric's Possessions

Cedric's possessions can be found on display at the Metropolitian Museum of Art. They are listed below:

His collection of over 1000 zombie movies.
His collection of his favorite books ever, the Lord Voldemort books.
His LPs of Sgt. Pete's Lonely Heart's Club Band.
His Sony diePod.
A copy of his very own biopic, Harry Potter and the Goblet of CEDRIC'S DEAD on DVD.
The underwear he wore during the entire filimg of Harry Potter and the Goblet of CEDRIC'S DEAD.
The underwear he wore during the entire filimg of Harry Potter and the Chamber of CEDRIC'S NOT DEAD YET AND HE HAS APPEARED FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Hairy Gay Potty
Characters	Hairy Potter · Ron Weasley · Albus Dumbledore · Rubeus Hagrid · Severus Snape · Cedric Diggory · Bellatrix Lestrange · Sirius Black
Books	List of Harry Potter Books · J.K. Rowling · First Draft · Catholic Church Version
Places	Hogwarts · Inquisitorial Squad
Misc.	Spells · Syndrome · Ripoffs · Snape kills Dumbledore · Dumbledore's closet · Potter's Sexuality · Inevitable Musical