Celebrity Big Brother
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“In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!!.”
~ Russian reversal on Big Brother
Celebrity Big Brother (or I'm A Celebrity, Please Please Please Please Please Get Me Back On The Telly and also known as I'm Not Actually A Celebrity But Who Cares, No One Actually Watches This Trollop Anyway or "Celebrity" Big Brother wink, wink) is a TV show aired in the UK. Each week, a Z-list celebrity is filmed 24 hours a day as they become the shadowy figurehead of a government that controls every aspect of its citizens life, including their thoughts.
The name is, in fact a bit of a lie as few have actually heard of the participants... those who have need a life
Contents |
[edit] Rules
Successful contestants on the show become universally adored by the public while it is airing, only to quickly fade into obscurity once it finishes. The increased media attention briefly increases their earning power while they search for another reality TV show to appear on.
Contestants who fail become trapped as an ordinary citizen of the world, and once a successful contestant appears they are shot in the back of the head as they come to realise that they do indeed love the new contestant, who is 'Big Brother' for that week.
[edit] Contestants
[edit] Season 1
- Sid Owen -Successful
- Lee Otway - Failed (dead)
- Calum Best - Successful
- Abi Titmus - Failed (dead)
- Jodie Marsh - Failed (dead)
- Ross Kemp - Successful
- Ian Wright - Failed (awaiting successful contestant)
- Saddam Hussein - Seized by US Special Forces (would have won otherwise)
- Robert Kilroy Silk - Successful (No one would vote for him)
[edit] Season 2
- Pikachu - Evicted (Day 17)
- Tony Blair - Evicted (Day 10 Downing Street)
- Kermit The Frog - Evicted (Day 32)
- NEDM - Chapsticked (Day 56)
- Zombie Princess Diana - Evicted for eating too many brains (Day 15)
- 9/11 - Evicted (Day 9.11)
- Hitler - Shot Himself, could stand the Big Brother house no longer (Year 1945)
- Hitler's Men - Were Killed by a Hand grenade because Hitler Died (Year 1945)
- Poland - Ejected for raping Michael (Day 1000)
- Paris Hilton - Evicted (Day 1, Hour 1, Minute 1, Second 1, Month 1, Year 1, Week 1)
- Spongebob SquarePants - Eaten by Tyrannosaurus Rex (Day 9)
- Ronald Mcdonald - Lol, Evicted (Lol, Day 666)
- Clint Eastwood - Had his head chopped off and died.
- Michael Jordan - WINNER
- P!nk - Runner up
- Jesus - Evicted
- Satan - Evicted day 666
- Your ex-wife - Evicted for being a lesbian
- Emo - Evicted for hiding a Razor blade and Black hair dye and whien he/she was evicted, he/she forgot to take them home
- A Saber-Tooth Cat - Evicted day 764346523789087654
- 50 Cent - Recently Evicted, recenly Returned, recently evicted
- Tyrannosaurus rex - evicted Dinosaur Month
- Mr. Hankey - Eaten by Tyrannosaurus Rex (Day 5)
- Chef - evicted
[edit] Season 3
- The Boogeyman - Evicted but as always returned.
- Dracula - He chartered a ship to take him to England, criticised for spending too much time on a reality show and not enough time in movies.
- The Countess - despite bathing in virgin blood was evicted when people realised she was old.
- Bugs Bunny - Evicted 1st.
- Wilt - Died of Hunger (Day 10)
- Louie Louie (Evicted 2nd)
- Lee Bead - WINNER
- Oprah Winfrey - Evicted 3rd
- Justin Lee Collins RUNNER UP
- God - Eviced last
- Zeus - 4th Place
- Rosie O'Donnell - Evicted 6th
- Bella Goth - Abducted By aliens in the UFO Spotting Task
- Yo Mama's Pet Platypus - Evicted 100th
- Canaries 1-5 - Evicted 65th at the same time
- You - Evicted 1000th
- Peter Griffin - Evicted
[edit] Season 4
- Yo mama - Evicted 5th for bein' such a ho
- David Schwimmer- Evicted 2nd
- Osama Bin Laden - Runner up
- Noel Edmonds - Evicted 3rd for being homosexual
- Shrek - Evicted 4th
- Shipla Poppadom - Evicted 1st.
- Michael Jackson - WINNER
- Chris Tarrant - Evicted 6th
- Anne Frank - Evicted 7th
- Richard Gere-3rd Place
[edit] 5th Season
The 5th Season ran for 50 days in early 2007. Oscar Wilde was convinced to take part. Producers asked him to be on the show as he would likely produce more "best bits" than any other contestant in the show's history. Controversial politicians such as Boris "Bozzer" Johnson and Ian "Corn Flake" Terry were asked to take part. Producers are being criticized for yet again allowing mentally unstable contestants in, such as the flesh-hungry grue Domo.
Contestants:
- Ian Terry - WINNER
- Bill Cosby - RUNNER-UP
- Boris Johnson - 3rd Place
- Bai Ling - 4th Place
- Michael Myers - 5th Place
- David Hasselhoff - Evicted (Day 46)
- Stuart Scott - Evicted (Day 42)
- Carole Malone - Evicted (Day 35)
- Oscar Wilde - Evicted (Day 28)
- Tina Fey - Evicted (Day 21)
- Tara Reid - Evicted (Day 14)
- Domo - Evicted (Day 7)
- Spongebob Squarepants - Eaten by Domo (Day 5)
- Shilpa Shetty - Eaten by Domo(Day 3)
[edit] Nominations
| Day 6 | Day 12 | Day 19 | Day 26 | Day 34 | Day 41 | Day 45 | Finals (Day 50) | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ian | Stuart Carole | Stuart Tara | Stuart Tina | Stuart Oscar | Stuart Carole | Stuart David | Michael David | Winner |
| Bill | Domo Carole | Banned | Carole Tina | Carole Oscar | No nominations | Michael Stuart | David Michael | Runner-up |
| Boris | Domo Carole | Banned | Tina Carole | Carole Oscar | No nominations | David Stuart | David Michael | 3rd Place |
| Bai | Not in house | Exempt | David Bill | 4th Place | ||||
| Michael | Domo Carole | Tara Bill | Bill Tina | Oscar Carole | No nominations | Ian Bill | Ian Boris | 5th Place |
| David | Domo Ian | Ian Bill | Ian Bill | Ian Oscar | No nominations | Ian Stuart | Ian Boris | Evicted (Day 47) |
| Stuart | Domo Ian | Ian Tara | Ian Tina | Ian Carole | No nominations | Ian Michael | Evicted (Day 42) | |
| Carole | Domo Ian | Banned | Ian Bill | Ian Oscar | No nominations | Evicted (Day 35) | ||
| Oscar | Domo Ian | Ian Bill | Bill Tina | Ian Carole | Evicted (Day 28) | |||
| Tina | Domo Ian | Bill Tara | Ian Bill | Evicted (Day 21) | ||||
| Tara | Domo Carole | Ian Bill | Evicted (Day 14) | |||||
| Domo | Stuart Carole | Evicted (Day 7) | ||||||
| Spongebob | Eaten by Domo (Day 5) | |||||||
| Shilpa | Eaten by Domo (Day 3) | |||||||
| Against public vote | Domo Carole | Bill Ian Tara | Bill Tina | Oscar Carole | Stuart Carole | Ian Stuart | Michael David | Bill Boris Ian Mike Bai |
| Evicted | Domo
50.01% | Tara
61.4% | Tina
54.2% | Oscar
46.7% | Carole
77.4% | Stuart
56.3% | David
66.1% | Michael 6.6% (out of 5) |
| Bai 10.6% (out of 4) | ||||||||
| Boris 24% (out of 3) | ||||||||
| Bill 37% (out of 2) | ||||||||
| Ian 63% (to win) | ||||||||
- There were no nominations in week five. Instead, Big Brother gave an endurance challenge entitled "Locked in a room with Limburger." Ian spent the longest time in the limburger room, and won the right to choose the week's nominees.
[edit] Current Season
Contestants:
- Anna Nicole Smith - in her next life as a Chicken. ; Evicted 1st (Day 10)
- Bert - Evicted 5th (Day 35)
- Winnie the Poo Poo (Evicted 4th (Day 28)
- Micel Foucalt (4th Place in the Finale)
- Sarkozy (Evicted 2nd, day 18)
- Mr. Bean (WINNER)
- The Fat Controller (Evicted 3rd, day 22)
- Parrot (Flew away)
- London (EJECTED)
- Mumble from Happy Feet (Evicted 6th, day 40)
- Willy Wonka (RUNNER UP)
- Ariel Sharon (3rd place in the finale)
- Barbie 6th place in the final
- Winston Churchill (WALKED)
- Sanjaya (Evicted 8th, day 100)
- Elton John (Evicted 7th, day 96)
- William Hung (5th place in the finale)
[edit] Next Season
Contestants:
- Mufasa - Came back from the dead - Evicted 4th
- De Horn the Buffalo - Evicted 6th
- Homer Simpson - WINNER
- One of Gordon Brown's Slaves (RavonX) - Evicted 2nd
- George W Bush - Left the Big brother house cos' he did not have time to stay in the house
- R. Kelly - Evicted 5th
- Vlad the Impala - Evicted 8th
- Elvis - RUNNER UP
- Yeti - 4th Place in the Finale
- Shrek - evicted 9th
- Santa Claus - Evicted 7th
- Snoopy - Evicted 1st
- Taz - 3rd Place in the Finale
- Charles Darwin - Evicted 3rd
[edit] New Season
- The Queen (Evicted 6th)
- Bill Gates (Evicted 2nd)
- Mr. Stingray(1st Evictee)
- Gordon Brown (Evicted 3rd)
- Borat (Evicted 7th)
- Gay Aiken (Evicted 4th)
- Patrick Star (Evicted 5th)
- Domo-Kun (Assassinated)
- Captain Obvious (Eaten By Domo-Kun)
- Albert Einstein (Evicted Last)
- Wikipedia (Evicted Last)
- Goar the Zebra (3rd)
- Your Dad (Runner up)
- Your mom (WINNER)
[edit] Nomination Table
| Day 5 | Day 10 | Day 15 | Day 20 | Day 25 | Day 30 | Day 35 | Finals (Day 40) | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Gay | Gordon Patrick | Domo Wikipedia | Albert Goar | Liz Borat | Evicted Day 25 | |||||||||
| Patrick | Not in House | Bill Gay | Banned | Gay Liz | Domo Albert | Evicted Day 30 | ||||||||
| Your Mom | Stingray Patrick | Bill Wikipedia | Yeti George Charles | Taz Mufasa | No Nominations | Vlad Taz | No Nominations | |||||||
| RavonX | Punished For Nominating due to a Broken Rule | Banned | Evicted Day 12 | |||||||||||
| George | Banned | Not Enigible | No Nominations | Mufasa De Horn | Walked Day 26 | |||||||||
| R | RavonX Snoopy | RavonX Vlad | No Nominations | Vlad Mufasa | No Nominations | Evicted Day 34 | ||||||||
| Vlad | De Horn Snoopy | Yeti Elvis | No Nominations | De Horn --George-- | No Nominations | Yeti Elvis | Evicted Day 41 | |||||||
| Elvis | RavonX George | RavonX George | No Nominations | Yeti Mufasa | No Nominations | Vlad Yeti | No Nominations | |||||||
| Yeti | Mufasa Homer | RavonX George | No Nominations | De Horn Mufasa | No Nominations | Vlad Elvis | No Nominations | |||||||
| Shrek | R Elvis | George Santa | No Nominations | Homer Santa | No Nominations | Taz Vlad | Exploded Day 59 | |||||||
| Santa | Yeti RavonX | Yeti RavonX | No Nominations | Yeti --George-- | No Nominations | Evicted Day 34 | ||||||||
| Snoopy | Charles RavonX | Evicted Day 6 | ||||||||||||
| Taz | George Snoopy | George RavonX | No Nominations | Santa Shrek | No Nominations | Vlad Yeti | No Nominations | |||||||
| Charles | RavonX Snoopy | RavonX George | No Nominations | Evicted Day 19 | ||||||||||
| Against public vote | RavonX Snoopy | George RavonX Yeti | Charles George Yeti | Mufasa De Horn Yeti | All Housemates | Taz Vlad Yeti | Elvis Homer Shrek taz Yeti | |||||||
| Evicted |
45.7% |
67.9% |
5.1% |
86% |
% |
%76 |
%8.1 | (Y)%19, %24 (T) Yeti and Taz(out of 4) | ||||||
| %67 Evis(Runner up) | ||||||||||||||
| %99.5 Homer(TO WIN) | ||||||||||||||
[edit] 2008 Series
- Lord Voldemort - Alien Evicted 1st
- Hurricane Katrina - Hurricane Left the house because it wanted to cause Havoc.
- Céline Dion - Professional Songwriter - Evicted 5th
- Phil Collins - Professional Songwriter
- Recep Tayyip Erdogan - ??? RUNNER UP
- Willy 'The Big Nigger' Wanker - Black, Gay Man
- The Sissies (June Sissy, Victoria Sissy, Melina Sissy and Kimi Sissy) - Dirty Sluts 4RD PLACE IN THE FINAL
- Mr. Barrence Herman - Evil Substitute Teacher Evicted 2nd
- Mr. and Mrs. Penis - a Dirty Couple - Evicted 5th
- Dumbledore - Gay Wizard - Evicted 6th
- Joseph Gunya - An Idiot Evicted 3rd
- Jar Jis Jse - A fat Lesbian Slug Evicted 4th
- Kelly Kam Kam - A Lesbian - Evicted 5th
- Jabba the Hutt - A Slug-Like Hutt 5TH PLACE IN THE FINAL
- Al Gore 3RD PLACE IN THE FINALE
- Claude Speed - Some Mute Bastard WINNER
- Heath Ledger - sexy ass Brokeback mountain star♥♥♥ EVICTED 7th
- Bold - Present
- Italics - Evicted
- Nominated*
- Fake Evicted
[edit] Nominations Table
| Day 6 | Day 12 | Day 19 | Day 26 | Day 34 | Day 41 | Day 59 | Finals (Day 60) | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Mufasa | Snoopy RavonX | RavonX George | No Nominations | De Horn Taz | Evicted Day 26 | |||||||||
| De Horn | Banned | RavonX R | No Nominations | Taz Mufasa | No Nominations | Evicted Day 34 | ||||||||
| Homer | RavonX Snoopy | RavonX De Horn | Yeti George Charles | Taz Mufasa | No Nominations | Vlad Taz | No Nominations | |||||||
| RavonX | Punished For Nominating due to a Broken Rule | Banned | Evicted Day 12 | |||||||||||
| George | Banned | Not Enigible | No Nominations | Mufasa De Horn | Walked Day 26 | |||||||||
| R | RavonX Snoopy | RavonX Vlad | No Nominations | Vlad Mufasa | No Nominations | Evicted Day 34 | ||||||||
| Vlad | De Horn Snoopy | Yeti Elvis | No Nominations | De Horn --George-- | No Nominations | Yeti Elvis | Evicted Day 41 | |||||||
| Elvis | RavonX George | RavonX George | No Nominations | Yeti Mufasa | No Nominations | Vlad Yeti | No Nominations | |||||||
| Yeti | Mufasa Homer | RavonX George | No Nominations | De Horn Mufasa | No Nominations | Vlad Elvis | No Nominations | |||||||
| Shrek | R Elvis | George Santa | No Nominations | Homer Santa | No Nominations | Taz Vlad | Exploded Day 59 | |||||||
| Santa | Yeti RavonX | Yeti RavonX | No Nominations | Yeti --George-- | No Nominations | Evicted Day 34 | ||||||||
| Snoopy | Charles RavonX | Evicted Day 6 | ||||||||||||
| Taz | George Snoopy | George RavonX | No Nominations | Santa Shrek | No Nominations | Vlad Yeti | No Nominations | |||||||
| Charles | RavonX Snoopy | RavonX George | No Nominations | Evicted Day 19 | ||||||||||
| Against public vote | RavonX Snoopy | George RavonX Yeti | Charles George Yeti | Mufasa De Horn Yeti | All Housemates | Taz Vlad Yeti | Elvis Homer Shrek taz Yeti | |||||||
| Evicted |
45.7% |
67.9% |
5.1% |
86% |
% |
%76 |
%8.1 | (Y)%19, %24 (T) Yeti and Taz(out of 4) | ||||||
| %67 Evis(Runner up) | ||||||||||||||
| %99.5 Homer(TO WIN) | ||||||||||||||
W1
- De Horn and George were Disscussing Nominations, so they were banned from nominating
- RavonX Was Punished from Nominating for Being Big Brother's Slave in the Dirty House Task
W2
- George was not enigible for nominating because he failed a task
- RavonX Was Banned for Discussing Nominations
W3
- Homer Sucsessfully Passed a Task so he Got to nominate three Of His Fellow Housemates
W4
- George's Votes were not Counted because he left the house
W5
- The Housemates Failed a task so all of them face eviction
- It Will Be a TRIPLE Eviction
[edit] 2009 Series
Housemates-
[edit] Celebrity Big Gonad Removal
When everyone realised that watching people made them break things, The Producers devised a concept of an educational show, in which they packed as many celebeutantes into a crack house under the pretence of an evening ego-wanking with Madonna, and would promptly be locked in the house, chained to various parts of the room by their dicks and cliteral strings, and told that they would have to Saw these offending body parts off to escape. A sceptical audience flocked in its millions to watch this, making it the first thing Education Secretary Ruth Kelly ever did right, and making her flog herself till she got a bit horny.
The celebutantes all managed to escape and were then provided with flamethrowers, bean sprouts and jews to slaughter each other for the goal of being "the MOST pointless celebrity possessing something pointy". Jude Sarpong and Vlad the Impala. Jade Goody and Jodie Marsh and another set of boobies and a wildebeest were for the rest of the show made to do real work—by assisting The Producers in their anti-Semitic genocide, and poked with cattle-prods. The Celebrity Big Brother Genre was thus reborn.
[edit] Trivia
- All contestants on the show apply, rather than being asked.
- Robbie Williams once applied but was turned down for not being famous enough.
[edit] Yet More
Having had ageing Neo-Communist politicians, ageing ex-Hammer Horror Stars and failed comedians on, now Celebrity Big Brother UK turns to Bollywood and Shilpa Shetty, 5'10" with a Black Belt in Karate and made famous by the campaign Beaten Lonely and Abused mounted to liberate her boyfriend from years of oppression, she denies any underworld connection although she is good friends with Batman.
Also suggested as possible contestants are the femme fatale fighting force of Womens Baathists Ninja who having disobeyed their former beloved President's orders to go to the west and sexually molest western men are now feeling guilty and think Celebrity Big Brother would be a good place to start.
