Centrifuge
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Centrifuges are scientific devices that can be used to spin things (such as baby girls, George Washington, and tumbleweed). Some people confuse centrifuges with blenders. This is stupid. Blenders are obviously matter conversion devices, which are entirely dissimilar from centrifuges. If you thought that, go away. You're not welcome here.
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[edit] History
Man needed sugar. Man had baby girls. Man said, "AAAAAAAAAA!" and thus, the centrifuge was born. Later, it was also found that the centrifuge could be used on other things, such as kittens, staples, chairs (although it may be smarter to leave this one for the professionals), and midgets.
Some people don't believe this theory. We don't talk to them.
[edit] How it Works
It spins. Duh.
[edit] How to Use It
- Put something interesting in a test tube.
- Hint: If it doesn't fit, cut it in half.
- Put the test tube in the centrifuge.
- Hint: If it doesn't fit, get a bigger centrifuge. Remember, your centrifuge can't ever be too big.
- Turn centrifuge on.
If there's not an explosion, a fire, or some otherwise interesting result, then you suck. Pick something better to put in your centrifuge.
[edit] Other Uses
The centrifuge is quite a versatile piece of equipment, used for everything from spinning to twirling, spiraling, prophecy, and, less often, tumbling.
[edit] Mixing
The centrifuge isn't used for mixing, fool.
[edit] Prophecy
The centrifuge is an integral part of prophecy. It was a little-known fact that the Nebuchadnezzar in The Matrix was actually a centrifuge, and Morpheus was just dizzy all the time.
Prophecy is a result of all the spinning. Everyone in the centrifuge gets dizzy and starts spewing nonsense until some of it comes true.
