Cereal Killer
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"The Cereal Killer" was the clever nickname given to Ed Nargley, the man who killed at least 7 cereal mascots between 1924 and 2007. Nargley is also suspected of many other crimes and murders, although charges have never been brought against him. He reportedly was angered by a cavity he received after eating Sugar Smacks every day for 16 years.
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[edit] Known Victims
- Dig 'em the Frog
- Toucan Sam
- Yosemite Sam (A tragic case of mistaken identity)
- Quisp
- Frankenberry
- The short Cinnamon Toast Crunch guy
- The CrunchBerry Beast
- Freakies
[edit] Missing and Presumed Deceased
- Fruit Brute
- Yummy Mummy
- Booberry
- The Trix Rabbit (aka Big_Wig)
- Snap
- Tony the Tiger
- Aunt Jemima
- Cheat Commandos
- Heathcliff
- Lucky the Leprechaun
- Smelly the Urinary tract infection
- Jack the Spareribber
- The Soggies
- Chip The Wolf
- Marshmallow Man (wrong place at the wrong time)
[edit] Wanted for Questioning
- Kids
- Count_Chocula
- Mrs_Butterworth
- Crackle
- Pop
- Cap'n_Crunch
- Marmeduke
- International Phonetic Alpha-Bits
- Quik Bunny
[edit] Economic Effects
Following Ed Nargley's violent rampage and subsequent arrest, the mascot community was thrown into anarchy. Many felt that they should separate themselves from the rest of humanity, selling products only through one-way communication with the highest bidder. Shortly afterward, the largest proponent of the change was found dead in his Chicago home.
In light of this evidence, it is possible that the real Cereal Killer (or possible multiple Cereal Killers) are still out there. Ed Nargley recently gave a speech in which he vowed to find "the real killers". However, this is difficult as he is currently behind bars at Minimum Security Prison for the foreseeable future. Noted Bollywood actor Famie Joxx recently went on television to speak for his immediate release.
Witnesses have since come forward, claiming they saw the missing Crackle firing a powerful assault rifle from a Glassy Bowl prior to the murder of Frankenberry. Conspiracy theorists were reportedly so excited by this latest development, they left their mothers' basements en masse to discover the truth, which is presumably out there.
