Chad (country)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Country of Hobos And Deros
The Commy People's Democratic Capatilist Free Republic of Chad
Chad

(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: It never rains in Chad. It has never rained in Chad. And it never will rain in Chad.
Anthem: The Ballad of Chad; God Save Chad
Capital	The City of Chad
Largest city	None
Official languages
Government	Dictatorship
-Il Chad	Chad
National Hero(es)	Chad (duh)
Declaration
Currency	The Chad
Religion	Unknown, but definitely everyone's desperately praying for food and water.
Population	46,000 (90% nomadic, because any given piece of land in Chad is too horrible to stay at for long, so they leave and keep moving)
Area	Many square kilometres, all of them worthless.
Ethnic groups	Starving Chads: 100.0 %
Major exports	The first name of Chad, Chad runes
Major imports	Military dictatorships
Favourite pastime	Waterskiing

“I remember the good old days in Chad... oh wait, you're talking about the country”

~ Oscar Wilde on Chad

“There's nothing to say about Chad.”

~ The Prime Minister of Chad on Chad

Chad is a little known country in northern central Africa, that's nothing but a big chunk of the Sahara Desert, and maybe a few people. However, it is home of the popular first name; Chad.

Being a completely desolate waste land, its only residents are currently living overseas, and may have become citizens for the sole purpose of setting up an illegal bank account.

[edit] History

Chad's name originated from the little known acronym: Country of Hobos And Deros, which was the statement Alexander the Great was said to have uttered, in reference to its only citizen at the time. From these humble beginnings, Chad went on to officially become the World's most useless country. A widespread pandemic erupted in Chad in 1329, killing off all of its 3 inhabitants. Despite this, Chad went on to become one of the worlds largest cocaine exporters. People born in Chad are often referred to as Chadians (not to be confused with Canadians), or simply Chad. This posed a large problem in early Chadic society, as last names had not been invented. Enventually, supreme emperor Chad decreed what is refeered to as the Time of Moving, and ordered every last Chadian to leave the country. As most of the people had alrady left, the remainder needed no encouragement. This resulted in the widespread popularity of the name Chad across the globe, as well as the introduction of 732 new forms of STIs into the first world.

In the 1980s, Libyan leader Qadaffi declared war on Chad and invaded with a whole shitload of Soviet-made tanks. Chad's army, despite having only a bunch of Toyota trucks, and crippled by the fact that France was on their side, too, completely destroyed the Libyan army. No, this is totally legit, I swear. Look it up in Wikipedia!

The Chad government collapsed in 1998 after the realisation that they were losing money from their tax system, and that Lake Chad, the source of all their water, turned out to be a mirage. Although all controlling bodies have vacated the land, the original banks, Casinos and Brothels have remained, resulting in an influx of foreign interest into the country, mostly from deposed dictators.

Chad continues to set new standards of uselessness to this day, and is unparralleled in its lack of natural resources; even the sand is low quality. Perhaps the only useful thing ever to have been achieved by Chad is the invention of the Chad Rune, a mystical item founded in the depths of lake chad (20mm in the wet season) said to bestow all of Chad's powers of uselessness onto the owner. The only known Chad rune is currently in the possession of George Bush.

Alex Whitney is in the market for purchasing Chad.

[edit] People

Unable to farm without water, the impoverished Chaddish people starve they then the leave their failed attempts to farm and become nomads or commit suicide (see: Hanging Chads). But just because you're a nomad doesn't mean you don't need food and water to survive. Oh, and Chad lacks any industry whatsoever. There is no food in Chad. There is no water in Chad. And as if that weren't enough, there is no money in Chad. As a result, the people of Chad started killing each other. While the outside world has seen this as an evil and bloody civil war, if you visit Chad, you will learn that in reality they're killing each other to put them out of their misery. Just goes to show that it sucks to live in Chad. Chad does however have a very high birth rate because there is little else to do but sex (seeL pregnant Chads) however due to the death rate in Chad (caused by thirst/starvation/mercy killing), it is projected by the UN that there will be nobody still living in Chad in 2010. Or, at most, 17 people. The only reason anyone's living in Chad right now is because your local desperate charity is sending food and water there.

[edit] Tourist Attractions

"In spite of everything else about our rotten country, we hold claim to the World's Largest Sand Dune! It's three kilometres across! Please remember to bring your own water, and that it costs money. All profits will immediately be used by Chad's people for food/water." -- Message from Chad's Board of Tourism.

Warning: Anyone who visits Chad not carrying lots of food and water on his back shall be sentenced to death.

[edit] Country Profile of Chad

Man settled Chad thousands of years ago. It turned out to be one of the stupidest decisions anyone has ever made. Chad has the most worthless land of any country in Africa. Chad is a very desperate country, even by African standards. It doesn't rain in Chad, except in one town known as Verywetville, which has 1 millimeter of rainfall every year. In Chad, that's considered a flood. kjmnnkhjhuhjihu gy7h 1800's. They soon realised it was "le place worthlese", and left.

• Annual Precipitation: Zero
• Average Tempeature: 35C/100F
• Literacy Rate: About 1% of the population can read
• Starvation Rate: 100% of Chad's population is starving
• Major Cities: None
• Major Bodies of Water: None
• Major industry: None
• Major agriculture: None
• GDP: Zero
• Where most of Chad makes its food: It doesn't
• Major Religions: Unknown, but definitely everyone's desperately praying for food and water
• Resources: Nothing but sand.
• Where to Drink Water: Nowhere.