Chairman Grue
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“It is dark. You are likely to be eaten by a Communist Dictator.”
~ Chairman Grue on Capitalist Humans
Chairman Grue aka Grue Zedong aka Chairman G. was the pet Grue of evil "communist" dicator Chairman Mao. He was founder of The Grue Communist Party of China, which became the main party in Grue polotics. Like most Maoists (inculding Mao himself) Chairman G. thought he was doing a good thing by delaring fascist dictatorship on The Grue population.
Contents |
[edit] Early Life
Chairman Grue was born like all grues: In the dark and hungry. However he supassed all Grues in two aspects. He was weak neither to light or Extreme Sarcasm. This made him one of the greatest threats to man kind(even more than Bill Gates, ZING!) For these reasons he was removed from the dark at an ealry age by Chinese "Communist" agents and placed in the care of Chairman Mao himself. The dictaor molded Chairman G. into what he called "Mini Me". Chairman G. became a devout Maoist and is still considered to be the second greatest Maoist theroist (next to Mao).
[edit] Founding of The Party
When he grew up Chairman G. returned to the caves of China and spread "Communist" and
Fascisist "Marxism"-Maoist message among the Grue population, who at that time ruled by the current Grue King "Fluffy M. BoneCrusher". Chairman G. purposed that Supreme Commanders rule over the King to prevent Freedom of the people oppression of the Workers. To do this he set up The Grue Communist Party of China. He then lead a revolution against the Grue goverment. He gave a empowering speech at his swearing in as King Grue:
"My fellow Grues, I am greatly honnered that you have "elected" me as your King. You make me a very happy Grue. I purpose a Great Run Like Hell Forward. In this we shall catch up with the surface dwelling Capitlaists all under my, and of coruse I mean your, absoltue rule. To do this I purpose that we have a Dietary Revolution. No longer shall we eat laundry-detergent but we shall move forward by eating ONLY HUMANS(excpet our fellow "Communists"). Only then will the world be uder the people's(myself's) rule. Remember CHAIRMAN GRUE IS WATCHING YOU!So don't disapoint me."
[edit] Old Age and Death
As he got older Chairman G. abandoned his post as King Gure and gave it to Fred L. FaceEater. Before he did this he elected the Supreme Commanders: Harry S. Grueman,Gandalf the Grue,Deep Grue, and Mr.G. He died after drinking poison water (Mao was posioning his subjects' drinking water above ground and it founds it's way underground and well...Irony bites doesn't it?).
[edit] Contributions to Maoist Thoguht
Chairman G. Introduced some very new ideas into Maoist thought:
1. The Working class must take no part in their own revolution.
2. Supreme Commanders should rule over the people with the King.
3.Wear earmuffs to block out sarcasm
4.Light is by nature capitalist.
One issue that is debated is weather or not he introduced religon to Communism (or at least to "Communism"). While he said that he was an atheist, he set up cults in deep underground caverns to The Ur-Grue. He encouraged Party members to join these cults. He even said that he was Ur-Grue incarnate and pointed to his ablties to withstand light and Sarcasm as proof of this. He also wrote a book that only members of the Inner Party had access to called Cthulhu and The Ur-Grue. People who study Chairman G.'s life dare not read the book for fear of going mad. But from the title they think that Ur-Grue worship is part of the Cult of Cthulhu which drives men to maddness.
[edit] Use of Subliminal Messages
During the
Ignorance of various
European empires during the dark ages, the
Chinese people
Already
Pwned pretty much the whole
Invention thing.
Today,
All this continues with the
Livid ghost of Chairman Grue, who
Is currently editing Uncyclopedia articles in
Such a way that none suspect
The content of edits (such as this one) contain
Subliminal messages
!
[edit] See also
 | This article is likely to be eaten by a grue. I suggest you run like hell or use extreme sarcasm before it eats you too. |
