Chairman Mao

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Roflmao!

== Chairman Mao had the majority of his anus excavated in 1953, because he feared that his shit would turn against his upon egestion ==

1 he raped his mum and sister and ran away with their vaginas in his mouth. This made it easy for him to Da Fei Gei, as he would just put his mouth in between his legs
2 Chairman Mao
3 Emo Life
4 Discography
5 Selected Filmography
6 See Also

[edit] he raped his mum and sister and ran away with their vaginas in his mouth. This made it easy for him to Da Fei Gei, as he would just put his mouth in between his legs

Chairman My Ass Off, also known improperly as Mao Zedong, was the "communist" leader of the People's "Republic" of China and its "Communist" party (also known as Coprophilia party). He is reachable by the international phone number 2-424-762-6626 (CHAIRMAN-MAO). His painted portrait hanging on the Gate of Heavenly Peace in Tiananmen Square continues to haunt Beijing to this day, and it is debated by historians on whether China's leadership is actually governed by the whims of this maniacal painting of Mao. Countering this view, the CIA has come to the conclusion that Tibet is in fact in control of China, and on January 18, 2019 plans to unleash its horde of genetically-altered cyborg soldiers created in the likeness of Mao Zedong (and each carrying a Little Red Book, the content of which is really the Anarchist Cookbook). To secure the sovereignty of the United States and the commercial alliance with Wal-Mart in China, 800th President George W. Bush has vowed to nuke Tibet before the decade is over. The ghost of Mao in the painted portrait reportedly smiled in approval.

he loves lovesticks

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Total Nutcase.

[edit] Chairman Mao

Zombie Chairman Mao getting his first hand job

"The Idiot Memorial" Wow! Mao is really up there!!!

"Mao Yao" is a famous saying created by the infamous Mao Zedong. It translates into the english phrase "do not" or "don't". Commonly used at the local TOKYO PEKING, this phrase has now attracted world wide media attention. Chairman Mao (1850-1976) was a famous poet from the East, credited with the invention of the magical fairyland known as China. Born as Rofl Mao Tse-Tung (hence the expression ROFLMAO) was the first born of Lol and Lorf Tse-Tung. Made In China Stickers, VTEC and accidental establishment of the Maniac Club (Communist Party of China) and widely considered to be the father of modern homosexuality. Disputes after his death about whether he was the legitimate grandfather of Britney Spears are currently being debated in the Party Council, and consensus will probably be reached by 2008 when Britney Spears gives birth to her second child. Remember, in the East, people write their last names before the first (after the Great Leap Backwards), so "Chairman Mao" in English would be "Mao of the family Chairman". Leading scholars of Eastern studies, noting that "Chairman" is not a particularly Eastern-sounding surname, believe that Mao's ancestors were Jews.

[edit] Emo Life

Mao in his emo years.

Although many deny it, it is true! Mao was indeed an emo as a teenager. As a teenager, it was hard for mao, kids used to laugh at him for his girl pants, fag hair, and little mole. Mao was left scarred for life. The only thing he could do was cut his wrists and listen to Hawthorne Heights. It eventually got so bad that he couldn't get through listening to "saying sorry" without crying. Eventually though, he gave up his girl pants for the communist party.

[edit] Early Life

Mao just looked like an idiot when he was young. He also looked very effeminate. This picture shows him dreaming of becoming an evil dicktator. See also: Stalin

Poerty has obviously become an art form that many have learned to be-little or 'make fun of'. This horrible form of bullying was carried into the life of Mao Zedong. He constantly wrote wonderful forms and sonnets of poetry, based on many images presented later in this text. However, Mao was tortured for his art. He was thrown through windows and rolled down stairs in trash cans. At one time, Mao was scarred for life. Mao had started drinking at 3 in the afternoon and by 12 that bight was completely hammered and passed out laying with his face up. A fellow bully "t-bagged" Mao. This is the act of sticking one's male genitalia into the others face or mouth. Mao was scarred forever. Mao was born in Human Province (we're still not talking about Chairman Miao) to Max and Hannah Chairman, two bankers (armchair communists). The rural scenes surrounding him where he grew up inspired him to take up poetry. However, because poetry does not pay well, his traditional Eastern parents forced him to learn hockey. In the East at the time, the Civil Service System was still strong, requiring anyone who wanted a mountable ox that paid more than starvation to pass a test that's, like, at least twice as long and hard as the ones in school these days. Mao failed the test, drawing little "Yuan Shi-kai is a big poopy head" doodles instead of essay answers. His parents disowned him, and young Mao took to the hills as one of the East's famous roaming bands of scholar-brigands who beat young travellers up for their lunch money and perfected their warrior skills at the local mall's Dance Dance Revolution machine.

Mao's early life was filled with much confusion. He insisted upon spelling his name "Tse Tung", pronounced "I see dung", but his mother preferred the spelling "Zedong", pronounced "the dung" or "tzher dong" in a Scottish accent. This would trouble the great leader in later life, as half of his followers preferred one spelling over the other. (A recent internet poll shows that those who prefer "Zedong" also prefer to use "Catsup" instead of "Ketchup")

[edit] Poetry

Big Brother is watching you.

Mao's strict Greek upbringing instilled in him a great love (whether a normal human urge or not) for 7-11 slurpees and wolf skin coats. Like many young Jews of his time, he set out to rebel against his father's generation by turning to strange and new ideologies that, like the Hebrew faith preached covert subversion of the world's governments. He was drawn to Communism not only by its subversiveness, but also because his favorite poet was ee cummings (from his blow job days), well-known as the Orange Poet Laureate. Mao's two most famous works are "New Year's Day" written in 1930, and "Snow" written in 1996. The two poems are translated from the original erotic, vulgar and sick use of vocabulary here:

New Year's Day
Ninghua, Qingliu, Guihua --
What narrow paths, deep woods and slippery moss!
Whither are we bound today?
Straight to the foot of Wuyi Mountain.
To the mountain, the foot of the mountain,
Red fags stream in the wind in a blaze of glory.

Snow
What's up man hey yo what's up
Yeah what's goin' on here
Sick an' tired of five-oh runnin' up on the block here
You know what I'm sayin'
Yo Snow they came around here lookin' for you the other day
Word word bust it
Informer you no say daddy me Snow me I'll go blame
A licky boom boom down
Detective mon said daddy me Snow me stab someone down the lane
A licky Boom Boom Down.
Police them come an' now they blow down me door
One him come crawl through through my window
So then they put me in the back the car at the station
From that point on me reach my destination
When the destination reached it was the east detention
Where them whipped down me pants looked up me bottom so
Bigger they are they think they have more power
They're on the phone me say that on (every) hour
Me for want to use it once an' now me call me lover
Lover who I'll be callin is the one Tammy
An' me love her in me heart down to my belly
Yes me daddy me Snow me I feel cool an' deadly
As the one MC Shan an' the one daddy Snow
Together we-a love 'em as a Tor-Na-Do

Girl from China

I once knew a girl from China
Who had a lollipop in her vagina
Well, I had a go
And for those o' who'd like to know
The lollipop tasted like banana
Laa-la-la-la-la-laa (2x)

[edit] Interpretations

Scholars of Mao's life believe that in his early years as a poet, his love for all-day sex in nature scenes and war metaphors were an outgrowth of his retarded involvement in the Communist "Orange Revolution" following World War 17. In contrast, his later trash (work) reflects his disillusion with the country life and his desire for, as the poet himself said, "mad Canadian honeys, yo! Hey, you ever been to Toronto?"

[edit] Other Hobbies, Interests, atrocities, etc.

A portrait of Mao's Big Brother, taken 1984 AD. Was known for talking like he was high on kittens.

Murder
Persecution
Jihad
Robot rape
Atheism
Robbing the Rich to feed the richer.
Sending the Kuomintang into exile. Can't blame him.
Propaganda
Incest
Spiking babies. (This hobby was ended when Eddie Izzard filed a lawsuit.)
Performing frottage with silicone rubber models of Bea Arthur's hands
Kicking the White Men out of China and brought fear to even Chinese people in Hong Kong
Teaching racist hate of Japland (next to Lapland)
Dungeons and Dragons
Raising Chairman Grue
Yakov Smirnov Jokes
His Favorite: " In Communist China, peasants mass murder YOU!!"
Playing chess with Hitler
He loves cats and eats them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He's known to snack on kittens too.
Generally making a mess of whatever he got involved with.

[edit] The Sayings of Chairman Mao

The "Orange Book of the Sayings of Chairman Mao" was all the vogue in the early days of post-Revolution China. Teenager boys would even use lines from the Orange Book to woo teenage girls, even if neither one's family name was Woo.

However, after the Multicultural Revolution which ushered in the De Facto Unbridled Capitalism system, the Orange Book sadly fell into neglect. The "Purple Book of Quatrains" by Oscar Wilde now tops the best-seller lists in China.

Mao’s Famous speech “Spread Legs and The Cultural Revolution a Chinese Women’s Duty”

[edit] Famous Mao Quotes

"Chinese people are not retards, therefore no one should follow me. However, I am one, so that makes every difference in the world" October 1, 1949. Establishment of People's Republic of China speech

"The Great Leap Backward was an absolute success! Only about one million citizens starved to death! Much less than the expected 1.1 billion." Mao after reading the paper on Great Leap Backward

"Communism shall stand as long as the capitalist Twin Towers!" September 11,1970, after realizing the fact that two towers like that existed

"Chinese citizens! Our Communist Party has hope! President Nixon just promised me yesterday that he supports Marxism totally!" April 2, 1982, at Morale Speech

"In Communist China, you don't re-educate peasants, peasants re-educate you! Oh wait, that makes sense..."

"Religion is a drug capitalists use to freeze the brains of peasant! Of course, not nearly as strong as the coke we take before performing incest every Sunday night..." April 6, 1945, a drunk Mao found in his daughter's bed.

"This is a LIE! They all are! It must be censored! Damn capitalists and their freedom of speech..." Mao after reading these quotes.

[edit] The Long March

The long march was embarked upon by Mao to avoid a long line at the Department of Motor Vehicles. The march took over eighty years and was over thirty thousand miles long. He did things with an elk while on the long march. Terrible things. During the journey he was badly wounded and was briefly involved with a Bucky the wonder elk. The long march ended some time after it began. Ending with some sort of resolving event, like a war or a revolution or something. Just ask your mother I am sure she knows.

[edit] Carrying Pictures of Chairman Mao

An example of what you have to carry if you want to get pissed off in china.

While Mao was known to get his share of poontang, attempts to carry his picture as an aphrodisiac were a distinct failure. On the contrary; they actually made it impossible to get laid. As John Lennon of The Beatles noted, "If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't gonna make it with anyone anyhow." Mr. Lennon was correct in this assessment since he recently received a lifetime achievement award for "making it" with as large a number of woman as possible.

[edit] Death

Mao surpassed all expectations of longevity, living for more than 150 years. When asked about this remarkable feat, Mao's eyes became glassy and he would give his catchphrase reply, "ME RUB YUO RONG TIME!!" Finally, though, Mao's political enemies caught up with him, and he was attacked by assassins sent by the mysterious Black Lotus sect of Kamigawa monks while touring a Chinese food manufacturing plant outside of San Francisco, CA. After a three-day firefight that caused the death of 247 Kamigawa assassins and more than ten thousand bystanders, along with a heroic attempt to leap the Golden Gate Bridge in a burning hovercraft, Mao finally succumbed to a long-dormant brain tumor. Than, he died. He was said to have been wearing a Che Guevera T-Shirt.

[edit] Legacy

Your modern day Mao.

With time, the genius of Mao Zedong has become manifest. A public devout Communist, he was in reality a closet capitalist. He knew that capitalism would ultimately bring success to his country, but he wanted to set China back 400 years with the Great Leap Backward. Some blame his failures on incontinence, and some on the Gang of Four (four blow jobs at once), but his failures were completely intentional. He wanted to permanently steer his country away from the temptations of Communism. As such, he dedicated his life to bumbling Communism so effectively as to instill a mortal terror of dance dance revolution, chaos, and managed economies into the very heart of the Chinese psyche.

Kim Jong Ill, a well known Mao admirer, ordered the production of the korean-made Ssangyoung Chairman (A recycled mercedes E-class) in 2003. Some internet forums had brainwashed buttsex members who would carry his propaganda around, such as zenhex's xxxxxxblackdragonxxxxxx, proving his legacy lives on in angry Napoleonites.

His achievements earned him the Nobel Prize in Killing People. Although sixty million would die in the short run from hiv, ultimately, it would allow China to assume its place as a major world pyaoer. (pyao means whoring in Chinese). Mao Zedong, the Great Visionary, saw this path. He is directly responsible for China's current booming prostitution and estrogenic development, instilling his place among the greatest of history's leaders.

Sieg Heil! oh wait, wrong guy.

[edit] Rebirth of Mao

Mao Zedong came back to life in 1992, just a year short of his 143rd birthday. In 1993, Mao Zedong applied for a job at Wolf Camera. He instantly got the job because the employers have been known to prefer Chinese workers. The reason is because Chinese and Japanese like working in camera stores and like to smell the scent of cameras. Mao sold and repaired cameras, but trouble came in 1994. Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, and several other political figures stormed into Mao's workplace. This is their conversation:

REAGAN: Chinaman! Come out, now!

MAO: Yeeeess. How may I, the Great Mao Zedong, assist you? Buying a camera, Mr. Reagan?

REAGAN: No, I'm not buying a camera! We're here to teach you a lesson!

MAO: Eh?

CLINTON: Yes, Chinese man. You don't kick us out of Korea. We only wanted to put an end to their quarrel. We would never fight China.

MAO: The hell you wouldn't.

CLINTON: Chinaman, this punishment is 44 years overdue!

MAO: Ah, I believe that YOUR punishment is 44 years overdue!

CLINTON: Is that so?

MAO: Yes, because you planned to nuke us!

CLINTON: Um, well, yes heheh...

MAO: How dare you? Well China is now a SUPERPOWER and you will not wanna fight us now!

Clinton and Mao got in a fistfight, but the SECRET CHINESE RED RESERVE FORCE OF CHINA IN AMERICA appeared with Type 81 assault rifles. Clinton's body guards all died for Clinton, but Clinton himself escaped.

In 1999, Mao quit his job at Wolf Camera and faded into oblivion. Nobody ever saw him again. Some say that he went to work for the People's Republic of China undercover, while others say that he wanted to build a giant statue of himself in the United States. Nevertheless, everyone is on the lookout for him.

BREAKING NEWS: Mao has made his way into the game of Clue, and the solution to every game in this version (Clue: Mao Version) is Chairman Mao in the big, huge square with the tank engine.