Chalupacabra
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Click to hear the roarnote womyn and children click at yer own rysk!
Contents |
[edit] Birth of a monster
The Chalupacabra is a rare monster that came from a dark day in history. This day you won't find in any history book, but trust me it happened. One day John, a taco maker at Taco Ball with Type G cancerous Space Herpes, was making a taco. He dropped the taco on the ground. Due to the low degree of cleanliness at that facility John had to throw it away. When he got to the trash it was full, so he went to take the trash to the dumpster. When John got to the dumpster he threw the trash into the big can. He heard a small roar. He looked into the can and saw a small chalupa. When he went to pick up the chalupa, it bit him and got Type G cancerous Space Herpes. Thus the chalupa went crazy and started trashing about, and ate the dirty taco eventually transforming into the beast. So, if you are ever attacked by the beast, you know exactly who to blame: John, that weird kid with Type G cancerous space Herpes and no upper half.
[edit] Rarest and Fiercest of the land animals
This beast is stronger than all manner of wax paper bags and hot sauce packets. It uses its ferocious claws and teeth to tear the lungs out of animals and men alike (it doesn't like the taste of womyn , so it leaves them alone) There is only one Chalupacabra in the world , and to the families of its victims that’s one too many. It lies in wait around the dark corner of the Taco Ball's of America near the dumpsters, waiting for its chance to strike. This animal rarely actually kills its prey, more often it just horribly maims them leaving them in a lifetime is misery
[edit] Victims of La Chalupacabra
As I mentioned before the beast rarely kills, just harms so a few of these names may come as a shocker seeing as some are famous people who can afford good cover-ups.
•Christopher Reeves(a.k.a. Superman)
•Stephen Hawking
•Professor Xavier
•The Phantom of the Opera
•Igor
•Ray Charles
•Pope John Paul II
•as well as lesser known Orphans, and small animals
The list goes on.... Interesting Fact: Superman has an obscene amount of blood in his body!
[edit] Features of La Chalupacabra
1. Big- Big enough to eat 1/2 of Christopher Reeves.
2. Dry- as opposed to the kraken, the Chalupacabra lives on land, thus making it dry.
3. Evil- It eats people, of course it's evil.
4. Rare- There is only evidence of one ever existing.
5. Scary- IT EATS PEOPLE, I can't stress that enough.
6. Hungry- Unlike the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, that one scene with the guy in the outhouse, this beast never gets full. It could eat 20 people in a single day if it wanted.
7. Collectable- Appeared in Pokemon Violet and Pokemon Rose.(though there is only one so it's hard to collect)
[edit] Famous Battles
1996. Chalupacabra vs. Godzilla - Winner: Chalupacabra
1999. Chalupacabra vs. Mozilla - Winner: Mozilla
2001. Chalupacabra vs. Chuck Norris- (Let's just say in Soviet Russia Chuck would stand a chance)
2004. Chalupacabra vs. A Taco Bell number 7 Winner: Chalupacabra won the fight....lost the next day
2005. Chalupacabra vs. Superman- Winner: See above to see a image of the fight, then guess who won.
Week later. Chalupacabra vs. The state of New York 8-4 ruling in favor of the state... Chalupacabra sentenced to life in prison(convicted of attempted murder of Superman)
Another week. Chalupacabra vs. Bars in prison - Winner: Chalupacabra
2009. Chalupacabra vs. Microsoft - Winner: T.B.A.
