Champ Bailey
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“Maybe my darker instincts are correct about Champ Bailey . Maybe the knowledge that I deny is the truth... the knowledge the Champ Bailey is dark and willing to destroy all things.”
—Martin Heidegger on Champ Bailey
“I shit in my cereal when I hear Champ Bailey, I piss in my little white booties when I hear Champ Bailey, I cry to myself in the corner when I hear Champ Bailey. I used to call him dad.”
~ Alex Kohse on Champ Bailey
[edit] Why he is so Dangerous
A former owner of Las Vegas, Champ Bailey is indeed a force to be reckoned with. It's not his money, his fame, his cars or his militia of Jamie Kennedy look alikes that make him so dangerous. It's the fact that HE CAN HANG OUT WITH EVERYONE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. And the fact that he is better friends with everyone then you are. He has met every single person in the world and whether you're aware of it or not, he is a lot tighter with them then you are. So if you say shit about him he will know, and will send his militia of homosexuals to pillage and rape you. When Alan Greenspan allegedly called him a stupid jewbag, Bailey had his greencard taken away so Greenspan could not go down to the cafeteria and eat food. Greenspan later starved to death.
[edit] How is he so Damn Fuzzy?
“SCIENCE!!!!!”
~ Bill Nye's Hypothesis
“He ain't fuzzy. He a broke ass, with his joke ass. Nigga owe me and he don't even know me.”
~ Slim Thug on blatantly lying
Obviously it's an issue of right place right time right people. Nothing we can do but sit here and hate on a G like Champ Bailey. He lights up a room with his charisma and keeps us enraptured with his anecdotes and our sides splitting with his funny jokes. Plus he is friendly to everyone.
Without Bailey this would be pretty awkward, but because Bailey is present it isn't and this guy will get laid. HUZZAH!
