Chaos And Creation In The Backyard

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“McCartney is not a wife beater. Trust me, Linda used to beat him at croquet all the time.”

~ Rod Stewart on Paul McCartney's Chaos and Creation in the Backyard

“So, let me get this straight? Did he create chaos or create creation? If he created chaos in the backyard then what he really caused was destruction, not creation, but then if he was creating then he wasn't destroying...so he would have to create before he destroyed, not destroy and then create, otherwise it should be creation and chaos and...AW FUCK IT!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Paul McCartney's Chaos and Creation in the Backyard

Chaos And Creation In The Backyard is yet another album by British rock musician Paul McCartney. This album was recorded in merely 4 days by Paul alone, since not even his wife Heather wanted to help him with it. Many newspapers claim that Paul got into a fight with Heather after the release of his album I'll Never Play in China Again because Heather was unhappy with the amount of money that the album made (a mere $17 million)- but in reality, the two simply decided to practice boxing after Heather was offered a role in a sequel to Million Dollar Baby. Heather, however, got so out of control that she eventually ended up breaking every window in the studio and setting electrical equipment on fire. When they saw the place was in flames, Heather and Paul went to the backyard to continue fighting. The police detained them after some crazy dumb lady who wants to run for president noticed what she saw as "violence" from the house next door. Many people are wondering what the hell she was doing in England, although it is rumored she was working on a secret plot to ban video games from existence. Heather Mills was set free from all charges, since she didn't have any money to pay for the damage to the studio anyway. Paul, however, has to give away all the money that I'll Never Play in China Again has made to his company MPL. Heather decided that since Paul now had no money to give her from his album sales, he wasn't a fun person to be with anymore and so she has filed for divorce to take every pound he has left.

Paul contacted John Lennon, who told Paul that there were many people on Myspace and Youtube who wanted to get audio or video files of Paul and Heather's fight, and so it was that Paul McCartney found a way to end his financial trouble. Chaos and Creation in the Backyard features ten new compositions by Paul, most of which are to protest against Heather for taking his money and breaking the studio, and against Hillary Clinton for being so fuckin' nosy. One of the featured songs is a new version of an old song Paul wrote sometime in the 1980s but nobody remembers - It's Not True. In this new version of the song, Paul answers Heather Mills' claims of physical abuse. Mills had told the media that Paul purposely hit her during the fight. Paul replies with this song that, well, it's not true...'cause he has horrible aim and kept missing Heather every time (and besides, they were BOXING!!). Another highlight of the album is You Must Be Frickin' High, which features not only the Detroit Symphony Orchestra but also an appearance by Eminem and D12, who take on the job of talking crap about Paul's wife Heather and Eminem's wife Kim for the whole song. Apparently, the only thing McCartney wrote was the music - Eminem sang so fast and so much that Paul couldn't even speak a word.

The second side of the CD is a recording of Paul and Heather's fight, obtained by courtesy of George W. Bush's wiretapping program. Tony Blair got word from George Bush a few days before the release of I'll Never Play in China Again that Heather Mills was dangerous and could be siding with terrorists, so Blair installed hidden cameras, microphones, and phone taps in McCartney's studio. He wasn't very good at hiding them, though, since Paul began to use them all as his own music equipment. Nonetheless, McCartney left a comment on Tony Blair's Myspace asking him for a copy of the recording of the fight. Tony Blair refused initially, but he eventually accepted after Yoko Ono and a crowd of followers showed up at his doorstep singing Power to the people, right on. Yoko's singing was so horrible that Blair told Paul he could have as many copies as he wanted just as long as he made her shut up. Paul gave Yoko a lollypop and she shut up, so Paul got his recording.

[edit] Tracks

[edit] CD Side 1

1. You Never Give Me Your Money (So Quit Trying to Take Mine) {McCartney}
2. You're A Bastard (McCartney)
3. Hillary's Artillery (McCartney)
4. Broken Wine Bottle (Domestic Abuse) (Mills)
5. It's Not True (McCartney)
6. How Kind Of You To Fuck Me Up (McCartney)
7. I Got Burnt {McCartney}
8. Mind Your Own Business, Clinton {McCartney)
9. I Owe You One John (But I Still Write Better Music) {McCartney}
10. You Hit Me (Mills)
11. (That's A Freakin') Lie Lie Lie (McCartney)
12. Behold My (Broken) Heart (Mills)
13. You Must Be Frickin' High (McCartney/Matters)

[edit] CD Side 2 (Go figure how they got a side two on the CD, maybe they were smoking weed.)

1. Chaos and Creation in The Backyard of the MPL Studio (Heather and Paul's Fight) 77:51{McCartney/Mills/Blair/Bush/Lennon/Ono)