Cheese Jesus

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Cheddar Cheesus preaching to the crackers

Cheese Jesus (most popularly known as Cheddar Jesus or Cheesus Christ) is a popular action figure sold by Pizza Hut. It is classed as a minor Jesii due to slightly undersatisfactory quantities of bejesus and, as such, can only perform seven minor miracles. However, that's still seven more than pepperoni can muster.

[edit] The Seven Chesii

Even Jesus loved the 12 Fundamental Cheeses!

There were seven versions of the Cheesy Jesii, each able to perform its own miracle action. The versions are as follows:

• Cheddar Cheesus - savory original
• Edam Adam (and Eve) - sinfully delicious
• American Allah - exploding with flavor
• Gouda Buddha - mellow and mild
• Mozzarella Moses - pairs the red sauce
• Pepper-Jack Judas - sliced and spicy
• Savior Swiss - the holiest of cheesus
• Cheesus of Nazareth, Wisconsin

[edit] Ingredients

Pizza Hut refuses to give out the full ingredients of the Cheese Jesii, fearing that might bring on the Second Coming a bit earlier than expected, preventing them from releasing the new, improved Stuffed Cheesus Chrust™ next year. However, a slice of Cheddar Cheesus has been analysed by scientists with nothing better to do, and they have discovered that the principle ingredient of all Cheese Jesii is, in fact, cheese. This scientific revelation was so important that five of the six scientists working on this project were promoted into upper management a day after the release of these findings.

[edit] Six Degrees of Cheesus

1. Cheesism is not the religion that worships the God, Cheese Jesus. Christianity is.
2. When Cheesus was born, he was given different types of cheese from the 3 Blind Mice.
3. They have made many movies about Cheesus, including The Cheesetrix, where the main character, Cheo, is The Cheesen One.
4. Because he is very wealthy with fridges and fridges full of valuable Cheese, he can afford to drive around in his car called a Cherrari.
5. One of Cheesus' best friends, Choa, built an Ark because there was a flood of Mascapone, so he got 2 of every cheese and saved them
6. Cheesus' arch nemisis is The Chevil, who lives in a hole underground. If a Cherson was evil, they go to Chell.

Popular Cheesus Promotional Graphics:

[edit] Cheesus in Christianity

Cheesus was said to be the second person in the Divine Trinity, and also the Messiah (Greek: Chrust) prophesied in the Old Testament (or Hebrew Bible). Cheesus did not die on the cross - instead, he was impaled on a cocktail stick, onto which a pineapple was placed, as if to mock him. Cheesus was brought back to life in a mysterious incident involving a ball of Edam, a small wheel of Jarlsberg, and a spotty man from Scunthorpe called Gerald.

Other historians have been quick in their attempts to debunk this theory. For a start, the documents do not note what kind of cheese Cheesus was God of - nor do they explain why someone called Gerald from Scunthorpe was present at his resurrection. However, there is one thing that every historian is sure of - the new, improved Stuffed Cheesus Chrust™ is going to be out of this world! Get your Cheese Jesii from Pizza Hut, without delay!

		The 12 Fundamental Cheeses
		Blue	Brie	Cheddar	Cheesus
		Chucky	Cream	Fromunda	Gouda
		Holy*	Jarlsberg	Swiss	Velveeta
		*Not to be confused with "Holey" Cheese
		The 3 Noble Cheeses
		Gourmet	No Gouda*	Whiz
		*Also known as "Negative Cheese" or "Dark Dematta"

[edit] Cheesus Christ

Cheesus Christ is the delicous cheesy snack, that Cheese Jesus ate at the Last Supper with his disciples. It's so delcicous that it saved me, & it can save you! Pounds on your grocery bill! Buy Cheesus Christ today! It won't make you fat! Honest! Disclaimer - Cheesus Christ may actually make you fat.

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