Cheese ninja warriors
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“Bob Dole just likes hearing Bob Dole talk about Bob Dole”
~ Bob Dole on Bob Dole
“Y'see folks, The Cheese is the thing that comes out of the cow and the warriors do the shoobeby blah and my father would always do things like this (Incoherent babbling).”
~ Bill Cosby on Cheese
“Who the heck are they? You're a jerk!”
~ Tom Cruise on CnW9
“In Soviet Russia, cheese eats YOU!!”
~ Soviet Union on Cheese
“We will fight them for the cheese”
~ Winston Churchill on CNW9's Enemies
Cheese Ninja Warriors is the theoried evil and twisted cult/secret society behind the production and protection of cheese. They are little more then a few harmless people and one of them is a communist....2.....3..well just about all of them are communists. All have sworn to protect cheese with their life. As some people might know they are harmless, unless you try to eliminate cheese or do anything with it besides If death is the chosen punishment, the warriors will come and shuriken the crap out of you or beat you to death with kendo sticks and small marsupials. This is the best case scenario, chances are you will be liquified into a slimey goop or slowly eaten by purple mice.
You may think this name Cheese Ninja Warriors is quite grammatically absurd due to the ninja warrior part. You may also find that their language is grammatically absurd due to there strange dialect used (See Dialect). That is none of your concern so be gone with you.
Cnw9 are trained by the seven cheese gods in the art of stealth and can be in the same room as you and you wont even know they are! And in an instant they could kill you or someone you know around you!(They are damn good at what they do).
You'll never notice a Cnw9 until he is ontop of you stabbing you in the throat with a blunt object or throwing shurikens from a roof top or beating you with a kendo stick.
Contents |
[edit] History
The Cheese ninja warriors were founded by a man known as Ivan Cheesonovich. A Russian who traveled back in time to ancient Europe using a magical portal he called Cheese Rift of Ras. This was totally accidental and he devoted his life to explore the mysteries of cheese (The key ingredient in mapel syrup and The Cheese Rift of Ras) and what it could do. After his 50 years of researching in the ancient time he had many followers and his research turned into a religion who follow the Gods of Cheese. The follower's devotion brought this society to thrive and last even today. During the creation of the Great wall of Cheese; his research was destroyed by his mortal enemies; The Cheese Haters. There was a great war that still continues today known obviously as the Cheese War. By the time the cheese ninja warriors reached Ivan’s real time. He was assassinated which caused a gigantic time paradox and destroyed the entire members of the CnW9 cult. But some survived...What? It's possible I tell you! Now, the year being 2008. The Cheese Ninja Warriors are back and fight for cheese and the revenge of Cheeseonovich. Cheese Ninja Warriors are now a force not to be reckoned with. With a masterful General (Known As General Striiker)and it's lower-in-rank leaders the CnW9 will have their revenge and will take down the cheese haters because as said before they are not a force to be reckoned with.
A deeper insight on Ivan Cheesonovich He really liked cheese, More than any of the cult. He even tried cross breeding with it to form a super race of cheese people (which of course failed miserably). That man was a king among men - swiss cheese among regular cheese. A LEGEND.
[edit] The Mythology of The Gods
Some insight to the gods of cheese; The Cnw9 believe that the gods will favour their decisions of bloody massacre to eliminate cheese haters. The almighty god-king of the gods Chues strikes his foes (the so called heretic cheese wrong doers) down with his mighty cheese hammer creating a powerful blast bigger than Chuck Norris being born. This sends them to Grimaleese, The cheese-god of death with his dragon like appearance and sythe. He then tortures them for all eternity. Other less important gods include:
- Esseasis: The god of War, weapon of choise is a katana made of blue vein cheese.
- Cheesearella: The god of love (cheesey love...OOOHHH YEAH)
- Saycheese: God of idiocy(town drunk)
- Frank the janitor(good man)
A Cheese Ninja in Full Dress uniform. Not shown- Reality
[edit] Some Other facts about CNW9
Ways to know that a Cheese Ninja Warrior is in the room:
- It smells like cheese.(90% of the time)
- There is a shuriken in your throat or a kendo stick breaking on your face.(usually after you already did something to the cheese besides eating it)
- The odd occasion that they couldn't help themselves and there is a stranger eating cheese at your kitchen table.(dont worry they'll clean up)
- Some talks about capatalism and communism
- The only thing worse then a fly kick to the face by a CnW9 is a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.(For every bite of cheese eaten by Chuck Norris, a small childs head explodes)
Three ways to avoid getting killed by a Cnw9
- Don't do anything to the cheese unless your eating it.
- Vear slightly to the left.(they'll lose sight of you for a second giving you time to follow the next point)
- Run really fast in the opposite direction (lets face it they are ninja warriors not track runners).
The daily life of a Cnw9:
- Wake up ,eat cheese
- Get dressed, eat cheese
- Train, eat cheese
- Rid the world of wrong doers, eat cheese
- Get lucky with their wife while eating cheese, eat cheese
- Sleep with dreams of communism and cheese
- Get up late at night for cheese
Enemies of the Cnw9:
- Cheese haters (man do they hate them)
- Emos (who could hate life when there's cheese)
- Steve Jobs and his unholy alliance of Apple bugs
- Windows vista
- The White Lotus Clan
- The Cheese Government Alliance
The Cnw9 fit in in our communities quite well but they are there. You won't see them until you do wrong by them you probably wont no they exist but they're out there. Defending cheese in glorious battles in the secret war in which nobody knows of and all of their enemies will see their doom. The Musical Culture of the CNW9 include genres such as Commie Metal, Cheese Metal, Progressive Cheese Rock, Cheese Rock, Cheesadelic Rock, Cheese Jazz, Chazz Funk, Blues Vein Cheese, Folk Cheese, Cheese Punk and Cheesegrass
[edit] Politics
Many members of this "not-so-secret-anymore" society have tried making it democratic, but have failed. Few government views in CNW9 Are communist, and if there would be politics there would be communism. Most members think this is just ridiculous and therefore no type of control has been given to this.
[edit] Suspected Members
Finish scientists have calculated that the below people are members of
the Cheese ninja warriors using the following equations: *
*
- Winston Churchill
- John Travolta
- Lenin
- Spiderman
- Logen Ninefingers
- Vince Noir
- Samuel L Jackson
- Jack Nicholson
- Max Payne
- Chuck Norris
- Six communist Russian sea turtles
- The one and only West Man-tooth
A CnW9's Autorockoutomater
[edit] The Great Wall of Cheese
The great wall of cheese is the greatest success of CnW9, made of solid swiss cheese the structure was built in 25bc and is 500ft high and 3ft wide, it is located at the most cheese present area on the planet, The Moon. The structure represents all the grand succeses of CnW9- Including-
- The desecration of The Great Wall of China
- The desecration of The Leaning tower of Pizza
- The desecration of The Leaning tower of Piza
- The consumption of cheese on the Empire State building
- The desecration of The Empire State building
- The desecration of The Beatles London Musuem
- The burning of the greatest enemy to cheese yet, the fondue kit
- The burning of (the league of extraordinary cheese haters)
And so on in that order- all this destruction was caused by six communist russian sea turtles. As you can see the success of CnW9 outweights the failures of the US military, however it sadly does not stand up to the grand victories achieved by the Canadian Army.
[edit] Dialect
The Cheese Ninja Warriors's language is seemed to be strange by most humans. (Humans...) There is too much to explain about their dialect but some will be listed:
- Proununciation of words and spelling of them have been altered. This has known to be partly influenced by internetification. For Example "The" is often said as "Teh". Some uninfluenced wording includes many different ways to spell and pronounce "Choice"
- Cnw9's word for anything relating to a person is "Comrade". This was established when the followers of Cheesonovich were amazed at his extreme use of the word.
- Anything else that is critisized ""IS"" a type of dialect they use.
