Chemical nomenclature

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Chemical nomenclature is a systematic method of creating confusing names for otherwise simple chemical compounds. This is done to impress non-chemists during conversation.

Non-chemist: Nice day isn't it?
Chemist: Why yes it is. I noticed that the auto-non-atomic diradon tetraoxide levels were unusually high this morning.
Non-chemist: Wow you must be smart!

[edit] Rules for naming compounds

The rules for naming chemical compounds (and some types of Caffinated Beverages) are as follows:

If the compound begins with an Active Cheese, or Filler Material you write the name of the first atom backwards and end it with the suffix -aphobia.

e.g. In Ca_23.7HF₆Z, the Ca_23.7 becomes Muiraddehcaphobia (Cheddarium backwards with an -aphobia suffix.)

When the compound consists of only two atoms and it has rained in your zip code within the past 14 days, the first atom follows rule #1, and the second atom follows this rule:

If the second atom is an Allergen, Alcohol, or an Innate Ability, you must prefix it's name with the roman numeral of the atomic number of the atom directly above it in the Idiotic Table of the Elements.

For example, in Ca_23.7HF₆Z, the HF (which is an exception to rule #6) becomes just H because the F is not important. H stands for the element Hydrangea. There is no element above Hydrangea on the Idiotic Table of the Elements because Hydrangea is on the top row, so we must use the prefix Zero. Things are further complicated when you find out that there is no roman numeral for Zero. Instead we must use the latin word with the suffix -ipsum.

The FINAL compound name for Ca_23.7HF₆Z becomes

Muiraddechaphobia (Nullaipsum)Hydrangea

NOTE: Rules 3-48 use advanced Four Dimensional Geometry and were left out due to the limitations of the internet and your brain.

Rule 49 - Always follow rule 34 except when rules 9-13 apply. If rules 9, 10, 11, 12, AND 13 apply at the same time, ignore rules 19 and 20. If you are hungry for a cheeseburger, refer to rule 912 section B.