Chewbacca defence

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Chewbacca Defense.

Oh i have soooo much more money than him

~ Jewbacca on Chewbacca

The Chewbacca Defense is one of the greatest legal tactics ever devised by men. It can be used in any and all situations including but not limited to:

  • RIAA lawsuits
  • Patriot Act Spying
  • Losing at Zork
  • Being Eaten by a Grue (Hasn't been tested yet, feel free to try and report back)
  • Washing the Dishes
  • The film Donnie Darko
  • and Achieving Escape Velocity

[edit] Premise and History

"Look at this, does this make any sense?"
"Look at this, does this make any sense?"

The basic premise of the Chewbacca Defense is that this is a picture of a Godzilla. This lizard creature lives in the Ocean. But for some reason it decides to raid Japan every few months. Now please think about that for a second, a Giant Lizard raiding Japan? Does that make any Sense? No Ladies and Gentlemen, that does not make any sense.

Since it's inception, the Chewbacca Defense has been used in many important cases including but not limited to Godzilla is what, 50 meters tall? Why in the world would he care about a bunch of average height Japanese people? I mean, he can live underwater! That makes no sense at all! But more importantly you're probably wondering what in the world this has to do with the Chewbacca Defense. Not a thing. That's right, this has nothing to do with the Chewbacca Defense at all.

"I'm not making any sense!"
"I'm not making any sense!"

The Chewbacca defense was named after the famous actor Chewbacca. You know what though? You're reading an article that has nothing to do with what you wanted to read! That Does Not Make Any Sense! None of this makes any sense. And so remember, when you sit back and consider whether you learned anything to ask yourself, does it make any sense? No, it does not! It makes no sense! Since Godzilla lives in the ocean and raids Japan you must aquit!

[edit] General Strategy

The general strategy of the Chewbacca Defense is to confuse the jury using random nonsensical data in a way that makes no sense. Since it makes no sense you have to decide whether or not to continue reading. I know it seems useless but ladies and gentlemen you've seen Godzilla. Now think about that for a moment, why would I be referring to Godzilla again when he clearly makes no sense in the context of this article? Why, I'll tell you why, because it doesn't make any sense! It Doesn't Make Any Sense!

"Dude, I'm a little busy here."
"Dude, I'm a little busy here."

Look! Look! It's a Monkey! Look at the Monkey! Your Head Asplode

[edit] Famous People that used the Chewbacca Defense

  • Johnnie Cochran
  • Gloria Allred
  • Kobe Bryant's attorney
  • Chewbacca
  • Michael Vick's attorney (Vick's attorney wasn't jewish)
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