Chewing gum
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| General | ||||||
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| Name | Chewinggum | |||||
| Symbol | Cg | |||||
| number | 1000 | |||||
| Physical Properties | ||||||
| Melting point | 286 °C, or maybe 286 °F | |||||
| Boiling point | 9991 °C, or maybe 9991 °F | |||||
| Flavor | ***** | |||||
| Appearance | Pink and springy, ideal for wedging into roommate's doors | |||||
| Natural Habitat | mouths of Americans/French masterminds posing as Americans | |||||
| Known Isotopes | CgFresh Mint CgFruity | |||||
Chewinggum is a chemical element on the Idiotic Table of the Elements. Commonly pink and so delicious to have in one's mouth, chewinggum is an important element both in terms of being mother****ing cool and as a catalyst for immediate state-wide legal action (see: Singapore). Chewinggum is a fairly rare element, although it can be found in convenience stores and beneath the seats of movie theatres.
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[edit] Notable characteristics
Unlike most elements, compounds formed by chewinggum are mostly harmless to humans, provided that they are not swallowed. Swallowed chewinggum compounds tend to remain in the human body for 7 to 9 years, which will cause you to get larger and round (like a bubble) until you eventually a splode, and is an uncomfortable situation in general.
[edit] Applications
Aside from its use as a delightful, chewable candy, chewinggum has many industrial uses. It is commonly used to patch up small holes in various pieces of machinery. In most major cities, chewinggum is used by the police to stop criminals in their tracks. Chewinggum reacts with Bubbleonium to produce a compound commonly known as bubblegum, which is useful as an escape device. Due to its stretchy nature, bubblegum can be blown into balloons of massive sizes, which can then be used in escape attempts.
[edit] History of Chewinggum
Chewinggum was first discovered by Dr. Norman Hildebrand while he attended the 1954 premier of Them!. Upon sitting down at his designated seat, he placed his foot into a primordial solution of chewinggum. He isolated the element in 1956. It was banned in Singapore in 1957 for being "too jolly". However, more recent archaeological studies have suggested that chewing gum may be over nine thousand years old. [1]
[edit] Chewing Gum: The Plague
In the 180s, chewing gum became the stealth weapon of school rebels. Gum would be placed beneath pen1sses, lying in wait for people's hands, and would cling to people's shoes and cause a sever case of medical embarrassment. The only place to have successfully combated chewing gum is Singapore, where chewing of any sort is punishable by stuffing chunks of solidified chewing gum into a nigga's ass.
