Chicago

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“I died twice in Chicago, its not so bad after that.â€

~ 3rd Street Crip on Chicago

“When i needed an alarm to get up in the morning, i planted drugs in the middle of the street and waited for the gunshots to wake me upâ€

~ Buddy Ryan on Chicago


The Greater Chicago Chrome Blob has been absorbing small children since 1438.
The Greater Chicago Chrome Blob has been absorbing small children since 1438.

Chicago (pronounded "shit call girl" which the city has plenty of) is one of the more ethnically diverse cities in the US. And is also known as the Hog Freedom Front For the World (HFFW) Since the inception of the "Fuck New York" Act in 1908, the City Council has launched an immigration drive for every culture in the world with the promise that they can enjoy corrupt politics outside of their home country and tell New Yorkers to go fuck themselves. IT is always winter in Chicago.

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[edit] Discovery

Illinois was discovered in the late 1700's by migrant firemen during the Great Fireman Exodus of 1784, led by Shamus O'Neil O'Rourke. The firemen were drawn to Illinois because of their lax policy on intra-family marriage laws as well as the flat topography, which would better allow fire to spread.

Originally named "Shitcago" for obvious reasons, the name was changed to Chicago, which is a Yanomamö term, which roughly translates to either "fuck New York" or "fuck Sbarro", depending on whichever was the most recent offender of the Yanomamö's puritanical, Mormon-influenced culture.

Due to the discovery 100 years too late that they weren't invited to the Columbian Exhibition, the offended Yanomamö have since transferred their camps to South America via the Rock Island Wormhole, and the term "Chicago" in their culture now translates more or less to "fuck Chicago".

[edit] Early History

The following is factual information about the history of Chicagoland and her hinterlands:

Chicago is an Indian word (casinos, not call centers) meaning "Tomatoes, not catsup." But Whitey killed off all the redskins (except including the ones in Washington, D.C.), and the word took on several new, bizarre meanings. It is home to the highly prestigious university of the same name.

Founded in 1803, 30 years before the city itself, the early CPD was a roaming group of former U.S. presidents headed by Thomas Jefferson. By the mid 1850s, operating under the orders of King Richard Daley I, the CPD soon became a volunteer task-force for the eradication of homeless people and the Irish.

Lake Michigan was created when the O'Leary Cow detonated the first controlled nuclear reaction in 1871, which occurred at the University of Chicago. The Atomic Bomb was also designed to kill the Irish as well, as payback for them being pasty and alcoholics.

The two enormous twin-spiked Minarets: John Hancock Mosque and Sears Steeple were leftovers of the ancient moorish civilization and culture which thrived during the great epoch known as White Flight. This was during the reign of King Martin Luther II. King Martin Luther's illegitimate son, Jesse Jackson, saw the error of his father's ways is now involved in altruistic efforts to make the world a better place. Like that one time he saved that cat out of a tree, he called 25 news networks for a full press conference and said "I got a cat out of a tree and I'm humble."

Chicago's great underdog baseball announcer and opera singer
Chicago's great underdog baseball announcer and opera singer

[edit] 1900s-2000s

The Not So Great Chicago Flood

While sleeping in the abandoned subways under Chicago in 1993, Oprah's water broke, and the massive wave of placenta juices flooded every basement in Chicago killing many garage bands, but they sucked, so nobody beyond the city limits cares. Later, Oprah ate the 8 month premature fetus, in some sort of morbid abortion.

[edit] Economy

Chicagoland runs on what is known as a corruption based economy. In theory, everyone in Chicagoland holds a state sponsored job, we call these people Union Members. These Union Members are in turn supported by the rumored farmers in southern Illinois. Since only the votes of Union Members count in Illinois the mayor stays in power.

[edit] The Southside

Chicago's "southside" is actually located in the North of the city. The southside was created somewhere between 1602 - 1603 because first illegal immigrants that were swimming from Antarctica to Florida (they wanted to escape the dictatorship of the penguins) went through a time capsule in the Bermuda Triangle, landing on the actual northside thinking it was the south, they called it Southside.

Acutal Facts about the southside:

  • Moo and Oink is responsible for 39% of Chicago's GDP.
  • Italian beef sandwiches are no longer sold on the southside since the Italians were smart enough to get the hell out many years ago.
  • Beautiful faces, wonderful places
  • 75% of the southsiders do not work because they are in favor of raising taxes - getting foodstamps, low taxes for poor lazy southsiders forces people to get the hell out of chicago due to high taxes which is turning Chicago into another Detroit; and when it turns into another Detroit... only God knows what is going to happen.

[edit] Nicknames

  • The Breaking Wind City
  • Chi Town
  • "The City of Big Shoulders, Tight Panties"
  • "The City That Works (Except For The Chicago Fire, The Haymarket Riot, The 1968 Democratic National Convention, And The Chicago Flood)."
  • Oprahland
  • City of unemployed south-siders
  • Spiceville
  • That nice, intimate wonderland just south of the border
  • Chicano
  • Spicago
  • Shitcago
  • Chicanoland
  • Mexico City by the Lake
  • Hog Freedom Front for the World

[edit] Chicago Police Department

Chicago's Finest. Serving & protecting.
Chicago's Finest. Serving & protecting.

The Chicago Police Dept. is the most menacing of all municipal police forces in the western hemisphere. Known for their powder-blue riot helmets, the CPD has a long and vibrant history in the city. The Chicago Police don't play.

[edit] Riots Successfully Ended by the CPD

  • 1871 O'Leary Cow Stampede: 9 tourists trampled to death. (see also Running of the Bulls)
  • 1905 South Side Roast Beef Riots: Eight deaths, four injuries
  • 1928 Lincoln Park Elementary School Chewing Gum Riots: Forty-eight third graders clubbed to death.
  • 1970 Deep Dish Pizza Riots
  • 1979 Disco Demolition Riots: Bloodiest riot in Chicago history. Over 200 people were bludgeoned to death by the 1000 CPD officers called to the event. Radio personality Steve Dahl was executed for organizing the event.
  • 1997 Jordan Retirement Riots
  • 2005 King Daley II indictment celebratory riots, 26 dead, 300 injured, all infants.

[edit] Trivia

King Daley II, Benevolent Ruler of Chicagoland
King Daley II, Benevolent Ruler of Chicagoland
  • A musical group named Chicago took its name from the suburb. It was originally called the Joliet Transit Authority, but changed its name after dyslexic fans kept calling them the Toilet Transit Authority.
  • The Chicago Bears are an endangered species of omnivorous ursine native to the Great Lakes area. The black market trade in Chicago Bearskin flourishes to this day, with smugglers disguising their shipments as pigskin. Attempts to breed the species in captivity result in triumph year after year - see Chicago Cubs.
  • The Oprah Winfrey dance is the mating call of all fatties.

“I'm pregnant, Dave. Yes I'm sure!â€

~ Oprah Winfrey on Dave Chappelle

“You cookin', bitch?!â€

~ Dave Chappelle on cooking
  • The imfamous, Wattagecat calls Chicago home.
  • In the early 'oughties, a group of investors went broke after funding a Broadway musical named for the suburb. The tale of a young woman and her loving husband comparing mortgage rates on a new McMansion was a hit with accountants, however.
  • In a last-ditch effort to avoid bankruptcy, the accountants at Enron published figures showing that the musical was a hit, which led to the filming of the movie version of the doomed production. When the truth was discovered by McGruff The Crime Dog, it caused the Dot-Com Bust.
  • Chicago is the only city to ever be recreated in any flight simulators. Any other city seen in a flight sim is just a clone of Chicago.
  • Chicago and Rome, Italy shares the same latitude of 42 degrees north. Navigators tried to walk around that line and never succeeded.
  • The street Foster Avenue was named after anti-Ronald Reagan fanatics for ones who are in love with Jodie Foster.
  • The Sears Tower will eventually be renamed the Spears Tower to honor the world's diva, Britney Spears. The two antennas of the skyscraper can be used as a stripper pole. This one will attract more visitors to this famous landmark.

[edit] Chicago Neighborhoods

Main article: Chicago Neighborhoods

Chicago has many neighborhoods each with their own unique character.

  • The Loop- The many tall building and bridges make this the suicidal tourist's first stop in Chicago.
  • Edison Park - The neighborhood's slogan is, "The whitest neighborhood you know." Also former home of Hillary Clinton.
  • Edgewater- The highrises on the east side of the neighborhood are home to many senior citizens, giving the neighborhood it's unofficial motto "Edgewater, where people come to die".
  • Rogers Park- Chill people, but no one has ever returned from here, it's basically the north pole.
  • Andersonville- Epicenter of Chicago's large Swedish lesbian population.
  • Uptown- Up from downtown, home to Chicago's 2nd Chinatown, which is actually Vietnamese or something, but really what's the difference?
  • Englewood - Death comes quickly here
  • Lake View- Silly suburbanites call it Wrigleyville, for Wrigley Field where dreams don't come true. Also the favorite haunt of self styled teenage punk rockers who know of no better way of sticking to the man than sitting in a parking lot and eating a donut.
  • Lincoln Park - Like a zoo out there! Yuppie's are bred in large numbers. Materialist douche bags are happy to have a Starbucks at every other corner.
  • Lincoln Sq- Not to be confused with Lincoln Park, the residents of this neighborhood are slightly less annoying.
  • Wicker Park- Where the twenty somethings too cool for Lincoln Park move.
  • Logan Square- Where the twenty somethings too cool for Wicker Park move.
  • Humboldt Park- Where twenty somethings who think it's edgy to get shot at move. The old german building in the park is home to the Puerto Rican cultural center.
  • Pilsen- Where twenty somethings and Mexicans who think it's edgy to live in a neighborhood with more tortilla factories than trees move.
  • Bridgeport- Less racist than it was in the sixties, which says little. Only place in the city where you can walk down the street and see a hipster ironically wearing a shirt with a cartoon on it from the 80's and a white trash girl unironically wearing a tweetie bird shirt waiting too long for the same bus. (Correction the white trash girl will never leave Bridgeport, she's just waiting there until someone gives her a menthol cigarette)
  • Clearing - A comfy area on the south west side of sturdy homes and well kept lawns, where children are lulled to sleep by the calming sound of jet planes flying fifty feet over their cozy bedrooms.
  • Armour Sq- Right next to Bridgeport, home to Chicago's second most popular beer garden US Cellular (aka Comiskey) Park
  • Hyde Park - Home of the world famous University of Chicago, its thousands of students are home to billions of IQ points. Sadly outside of one narrow field they are as shallow as you or I. Children unfortunate enough to be raised in Hyde Park have social consciousness and a huge inferiority complex vis a vis the north side, making the girls really easy. Adopted home of Barack Obama, for a while.

[edit] Suburbs of Chicago

Main article: Suburbs of Chicago
Millions of people are lining up to defecate at the famous Chicago Sanitary & Shit Canal.
Millions of people are lining up to defecate at the famous Chicago Sanitary & Shit Canal.

The suburbs of Chicago stretches as far as Milwaukee, the northern suburb of Chicago, as well as Porter County, Indiana. Their main cultural attractions are two Ikeas and many EZ pass toll booths.

  • Addison - This is the aborted brother of Madison, Wisconsin. The abortion was a failure and now everyone who lives there is ugly.
  • Alsip - The soft-drink capital of Illinois.
  • Arlington Heights - I once won money at the race track here.
  • Aurora - The second largest city in Illnois. It can actually claim the second largest Mexican population in the U.S.A. Only surpassed by Los Angeles. The city motto is "Hey mang, ju got a greencard for sale?"
  • Bartlett - Also known as Buttlet.
  • Batavia - It is one of the technology center and classified places in the world. Employees in Fermilab keeps sending classified information anything nuclear to the terrorists in the Middle East.
  • Bensenville - Once a thriving community of German immigrants. Now mostly industrial and Hispanic. 1/4 of Bensenville will soon be a runway for nearby O'Hare Airport.
  • Berkeley - World renowned as the home of the University of California.
  • Berwyn - Parking violations in Berwyn will result in your car being ticketed, towed, and jammed onto a large metal spike.
  • Bloomingdale - The University of Las Vegas is in this city.
  • Bolingbrook - This city is the creator of the world's largest Q-Tip. It killed 37 people. Scott Peterson's distant brother Drew Peterson, a murderer and a pedophile lives here, so be careful no joyriding around this neighborhood and national media are subject to swarm this place.
  • Bridgeview - The largest Arab community in Illinois outside of Detroit, Michigan. The Arab terrorists has classified plans to take the Chicago skyline down. Halal meals are served in this village.
  • Brookfield - Illinois' endangered animal kingdom and animal prison.
  • Buffalo Grove - The gymnastics capital of Illinois.
  • Bull Valley - A wealthy community whose primary source of municipal revenue is traffic fines. Do not speed in Bull Valley. While Bull valley has only two police officers (Andy and Barney), they will ticket you for going 1 MPH over the posted limit and they always show up in court. Coincidentally, Bull Valley's police station is in the Stickney House, whose original owner built it with round corners to facilitate communication with the dead.
  • Burr Ridge - This is the most coldest place in the Chicagoland every winter months but in the summertime, bears take over this village.
  • Calumet City - So many stray bullets, so little time.
  • Cary - Although located near Chicago, it is about as urban as unpopulated areas of Kentucky.
  • Cicero - It seems you're in Mexico if you visit this place. Millions of Mexican illegal immigrants flock to this city. All billboards and shop names are written in Español. Most students in every high school are Mexican and can't speak fluent English. Also the home of UCLA - University of Cicero between Laramie and Austin. Prepare to speak Spanish of you wanna go there.
  • Crystal Lake -
  • Deerfield - This city was named after the show, "Yes Dear." They are not good speelers in Deerfield.
  • Des Plaines - The only well-known landmark in this town on earth is the first McDonald's. It is also one of the fattest places in Illinois. Serial child killer John Wayne Gacy is from here. This city is subject to flood every year.
  • Downers Grove - Town of near fifty thousand afflicted with Down Syndrome among many other chromosomal abnormalities.
  • East Dundee - It is Christmas everyday here in this village!
  • Elgin - This city is famous and well known internationally because it is one of the only two cities in the world which has a river running through it. The other city is Texas.
  • Elk Grove Village - The most German place in Illinois. neo-Nazi German immigrants help eliminate farm lands and built thousands of industrial buildings and making it the one of the polluted and toxic suburb of the Chicagoland. But the mostly toured attraction in Elk Grove is the mark of the 42° North latitude and 88° West longitude meeting point, which makes the local neighbors bothered about tourists flocking to this known to be famous landmark. The 88 degree latitude shares a village with West Allis, Wisconsin.
  • Elmhurst - It was known as Chevyland, home of the largest car dealer in Illinois. Immigrants stole all the brand new cars here and the mega car-dealer went out of business.
  • Evanston - The richest part of Chicago. Also known as the Illinois' little Hollywood. Also home of the infamous Northwestern University. Be careful when near the Northwestern campus, the students there are known to pray on small children and indie kids.
  • Fox Lake -
  • Fox River Grove -
  • Glencoe - The greenest and environment friendly place in Illinois. Famous for the "G-Town" Ghetto.
  • Glendale Heights - Illinois' Filipino village.
  • Glenview - This is used to be the military community of Illinois. It is now a de-militarized zone.
  • Golf - A carved out village of Glenview, This was named after a favorite sport. No downtown but a post office. Even though Golf is too small to have roads, the town's economy is based entirely on speeding tickets.
  • Gurnee - Also known as Disneyland North. Six Flags Great America is bigger than Disneyland. A moving Sears Tower, the fake space shuttle are the major attractions there. Gurnee Mills is like their Mall of America.
  • Hanover Park - The quite-proclaimed Canadian place in Illinois. There is small neighborhood called Ontarioville: that means Hanover Park is mostly populated by Canadians eh? Western terminus of the appropriately-named Elgin-O'Hare Expressway.
  • Harvey - Most crime-ridden suburb in Illinois.
  • Hebron - The witchcraft capital of Illinois.
  • Hillside - Three Interstate overpasses, Interstate 88, Interstate 290 and Interstate 294 are subject to collapse due to traffic and tolls. In 2019, Millions of residents wearing NIMBY shirts will protest about demolishing the tollways by force.
  • Highland Park - Fans passes by Michael Jordan's house and stalks him and his family 24/7 and follows him wherever they go. When you drive through this area, look for the number "23". There are also mega-shnazzy bar/bat mitzvahs.
  • Hinsdale - This is the place where children teach sex education instead of health at The Robert Crown Center. Also known for its high population of rich snobs.
  • Hodgkins - That's were the medical term Hodgkin's disease got its name from. FedEx and UPS rules this village, some packages might contain marijuana or cocaine in them.
The Gallagher Center in Itasca is a stolen idea from New York's World Financial Center.
The Gallagher Center in Itasca is a stolen idea from New York's World Financial Center.
  • Homer Glen - The youngest suburb in the Chicagoland. Usually known as Boner Glen.
  • Huntley - Home to Chicago's first living cemetery, Del Webb's Sun City.
  • Itasca - Notable for Two Pierce Place (see photo at right), notoriously Chicagoland's most phallic building. Five miles due west of O'Hare Airport; eastern terminus of the aforementioned Elgin-O'Hare Expressway.
  • Joliet - Chicagoland's prison city, it is home of the Stateville Correction Center and prison (aka Fox River) where seven inmates escaped in around 2006 and two out of seven never caught: Michael Scofield and Lincoln Burrows.
  • Kenilworth - Wealthiest suburb in Illinois. "Please, sir. We are poor Evanstonian children. May we have some of your goodies?"
  • Lake Bluff - Lake Forest's retarded little sister.
  • Lake Forest - The Malibu of Illinois, where wealthy people hide. Cops are all over the street. So don't bring your rotten car in this area. You are surrounded by materialistic people.
  • Lake In The Hills - (abbreviated L.I.T.H.) Noted for its lake nestled within its hills. Except when there there no water in the lake. Then it is called Mud In The Mounds.
  • Lake Zurich - Only the rich Chicagoans buys a second home here.
  • Lisle - The suburb with the never-ending road construction. This may be blamed on kickbacks from the mob.
  • McHenry - Voted worst place to live in Illinois five times running.
  • Melrose Park - aka Jewel/Osco-land, the Immigration and Naturalization Service are subject to raid the Jewel grocery distribution center once a year. The Mexican and the Italian immigrants are in a fight with each other for the taste of their food.
  • Morton Grove - 2/3 of the population in this village are Jews and 1/3 are Asians including Chinese, Filipino and Korean.
  • Mount Prospect - There was once a fist fight in this city. Elevation: 0.
  • Naperville - Yuppies may be hunted here, but only with a permit.
  • New Lenox - Yuppies roam free here, and may be hunted without a permit and out of season. You might actually be looking for Joli, Orland , Frankf, Lincoln-Way Central High School and not even know it! Luxury homes and schools were blown up to make way for the extended I-355 tollway.
  • Norridge - Often referred to as Snore-ridge, or Bonerridge, it is considered occupied Chicago after Daley I's Council Wars in which the 16th Police District mounted a battle to take the Harlem-Irving Plaza. It is rumored that the morning after the battle Daley I rode a tank through the wrecked Bungalows, and commented, "I love the smell of burning topiary in the morning, it smells like... victory."
  • Northbrook - The next Orange County of Illinois
  • Northfield - The wannabe BAMF town, fails miserably.
  • Northlake - Home of the grocery distribution center, Dominick's. Northlake and Melrose Park are at war with each other! See Melrose Park for more details.
  • Oak Brook - The Food Distribution capital of Illinois, where McDonald's headquarters is. Also the Hamburger University is where you can learn how to prepare a hamburger.
  • Oak Park - Earnest Hemingway hated this place, which means he actually did get something right.
  • Oswego - Seven Inmates from Fox River prison invaded this town.
  • Palatine - The place where the Brown's Chicken Massacre happen. A serial killer murdered almost every worker like a Bonnie and Clyde-type shootout just to get the secret KFC recipe.
  • Plainfield - A tornado runs through this town every 2.3 seconds. When I graduated Plainfield High School in 2001, there was only one high school. Now there's about 83, but hey, who's counting? Degenerate scumbags by the thousands flock to this area from the ghetto, only to find that they have now created their own mini-ghetto.
  • Prospect Heights - When gold was discovered here in 2012, 1,800 people died when there was a traffic jam to get to it. The site of the traffic jam is now a Starbucks.
  • Robbins - The ice cream capital of Illinois, Robbins was known as Baskin-Robbins before Baskin left to join Blue Island. Robbins is famous for having 21 flavors (Baskin took the other 10 in the divorce).
  • Rolling Meadows - Despite it's name, this city is flat and full of ugly people and children. Also know as "Rolling Ghettos" for its now mainly mexican community.
  • Roselle - A Metra train once derailed in this city, killing 900. The train was then elected mayor. Crime in the city has now skyrocketed.
  • Rosemont - This is a quite Vegas-like village, glamorous hotels, finest restaurants, nightclubs, and a stadium where you could watch wrestling. The rose flower tower is the landmark of the village. Airplane noises coming to/from O'hare bothers the village and planes are subject to crash in this town. The village is also ringed by congested Interstate toll highways, Interstate 90, Interstate 190 and Interstate 294. The highway interchange in Rosemont is one the boring roads in Illinois.
  • Schaumburg - aka Scumburg, This city is the home of the first space shuttle launch, where I once got burned. Also the birthplace of Spandex. Widely known for Woodfield Mall and nearby Streets of Woodfield -- the former known for overpriced stores; the latter known for millions of teenagers and white kids who like to show off their Ricers.
  • Skokie - It's Illinois' Jewish village, home to millions of Jews. Mel Gibson is banned there!
  • Sleepy Hollow - The scariest place in Illinois. It is also well known for that one road that the speed limit is only 25mph. The cops in this city are ghey. There is a Best Buy in this city.
  • South Holland - The faithful and religious suburb of Chicago. But there will be a new college opening in the future which is called the South Holland Institute of Technology. It is located far off between I-294 and I-94.
  • Stickney - Smells like shit here.
  • Streamwood - The stream here was dammed to make way for a dam.
  • Union - The place where they store all their railroad garbage and equipment until it decomposes.
  • Villa Park - Home of the most badass dudes in all of Illinois. Also home to Ovaltine.
  • Wauconda - The apple capital of Illinois, cheapskate Chicagoans didn't want to buy apples from Washington for the Chicagoland market but instead, they borrow apples from the apple producing farms.
  • Waukegan - Hometown of Jack Benny
  • West Chicago - Also known as Wet Spicago.
  • West Dundee - Not to be confused with East Dundee. Elginites flock here in order to go to the mall and find something to do with their crappy lives.
  • Westmont - Worthless town that takes pride in having a dead Blues musician die here.
  • Wheaton - The city with more churches per person than actual people. Home of Wheaties.
  • Winnetka - Home to New Trier High School, the 4,000 most spoiled kids in the Chicago area. They are so rich they pay $5000 to park in peoples' driveways. Also has the world's most bendy trees.
  • Wood Dale - If you live here and don't speak Spanish, you probably speak Polish. If you don't speak Spanish nor Polish, you probably don't live here.
  • Woodridge - One of the horniest cities in America.
  • Woodstock - Originally named Punxsutawney. Noted for horrendous traffic jams at the narrow Metra railroad overpass bottleneck on Route 47.
  • Zion - The last free place where Neo and all the other humies lives. Constantly under attack by the machine race. Famous for there bieng no spoons and lost of people wearing black suits and sunglasses. Gordan Freeman attacked it last year because Neo called him, "Geeky" beacause he can't go super slow mo like the Neo, and if anyone knows Freeman they knows he HATES bieng called geeky and will crowbar anyone to death who says it.

[edit] Northwestern Indiana

The Illinois-Indiana state line is the Israel-Palestine border of Chicagoland. Blacks and whites are killing each other along the boundary. Huge city-quality fireworks are legal in Indiana and every 4th of July holiday people rush to this state and but those big explosives and light them in their backyard. People buying these fireworks can lead the whole Chicagoland an earthquake.

  • Chesterton - The gymnastics capital of Indiana.
  • Dyer - Absolutely nothing to see here. Move along.
  • East Chicago - This is not in Illinois, for stupid Chicagoans who are still in Illinois and wanted to view the Chicago skyline, they will realize that they are in the wrong state.
  • Gary - Also known as Jackoland. After Michael Jackson including his family fled this place, Gary is the most crime-ridden suburb in the Chicago area (outside of Illinois). It's also the noisiest city in America. Steel mills are getting rusty in this area.
  • Hammond - The well known landmark in the city is the Commonwealth Edison (or Northern Indiana) power plant which serves Chicago and Indiana. This is visible as far as downtown Chicago in the lake front and when you drive towards Chicago (I-90). The power plant owner are still fighting in court. It is also one of the places where you can buy huge fireworks legally before you can smuggle them into Illinois. But use the interstate highways instead of ordinary roads, Illinois cops are patrolling along the Indiana border for buying large fireworks or your car will be impounded!
  • Merrilville - More square footage in billboard space than all homes combined. Plus there's a kickass parking lot with it's own mall!
  • New Chicago -
  • St. John - Chicagoland's most Catholic village. Mention of any other saints will result in prosecution.
  • Whiting - All-you-can-eat crude oil and fresh perch buffet every Thursday. Also home to the nation's only high school namesaked for George Rogers Clark; every graduate receives a coonskin diploma.

[edit] Southeastern Wisconsin

Wisconsin is the breadbasket of Chicago. And the Wisconsin and Illinois border is the North Korea and South Korea of Chicagoland.

  • Bayside -
  • Brown Deer -
  • Brookfield - The second Brookfield in Chicagoland! And the Milwaukee County Zoo is closer to Brookfield, Wisconsin! The other Brookfield (Illinois) has a zoo also!
  • Cedarburg - Considered the Beverly Hills of Wisconsin.
  • Cudahy -
  • Elm Grove - Not to be confused with Illinois' Elk Grove!
  • Fox Point -
  • Franklin - The remaining farmland in the Chicago-Milwaukee metropolitan area.
  • Genoa City - Not to be confused with Genoa, IL. One is in the farmfields of Illinois; the other in the farmfields of Wisconsin.
  • Glendale -
  • Greendale -
  • Greenfield -
  • Hales Corners -
  • Mequon -
Main article: Milwaukee
  • Milwaukee - Chicago's fat, lonely, boring, northernmost suburb. Home of Miller Beer, and that's it.
  • Oak Creek - The first village you pass by before you hit the Milwaukee city limits.
  • Pleasant Prairie - Home to the largest population of copulating prairie dogs the world has ever seen.
  • Racine - Home of S.C. Johnson Wax Co.
  • River Hills -
  • Shorewood -
  • South Milwaukee -
  • Sussex -
  • Sturtevant -
  • Wales - The most Welsh place trapped in America.
  • Waukesha - The gymnastics capital of Wisconsin. The cartoon character voice gymnast twins Paul Hamm and Morgan Hamm lives there.
  • Wauwatosa -
  • Whitefish Bay -
  • West Allis - Oktoberfest and Beerfest are held in this village. English and German are official here, so people are bilingual. Part of West Allis is a famed landmark were the 43° North latitude and 88° West longitude meets, making it a destination for visitors. The 88 degree latitude shares a Chicago suburb with Elk Grove Village. See Elk Grove Village for more details.
  • West Milwaukee - A temporary bedroom community for the Milwaukee Brewers and their fans.

[edit] Sister Cities of Chicago

[edit] See Also

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