Chicago Bears
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“I coached Da Bears! Da Bears are better than you! Da Bears!”
~ Mike Ditka on Da Bears
Bears have unleashed havoc in the city of Chicago, Illinois since the early 1920's. They are probably the most well-known snack associated with football in the United States of America. Many believe that they are responsible for 10 out of every 7 heart attacks, but studies have been inconclusive.
The scandal surrounding Chicago Bears began when the parent company began pushing the snacks along-side Cade McNown, Mike Ditka and Brian Urlacher, a supposedly revolutionary drug at the time. Although Ditka cured erectile dysfunction, clinical trials showed that ingestion of Ditka caused road rage, pant scrunching, and kitten huffing in a small number of cases. The public began associating Chicago Bears with kitten huffing and the company was forced to close all of their Chicago based factories and offshore them to Peotone.
As equally well-known as Chicago Bears is the fact that Peotone makes terrible Chicago Bears. The degradation in quality caused a stir of black market trading of home-grown Chicago Bears. These home-grown variety had much stronger side effects and should not be consumed without a Pants Vaporizer present.
Rex Grossman was the bears 1st string QB. He was the best QB in the NFL with a completion rate of 54.6%, 20 INT, 23 TD's. Those were some good stats. Unfortunately, Brian Griese got fed up being number two. So he shot Rex Grossman in the knee to take over the starting QB position. Unfortunatly Young Kyle Orton was fed up with his lack of playing time and decided to shot Brian Griese in the shoulder. Giving him the oppurtunity to start Week 12.
