Child Abuse
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“It's the best gift in the world to share your bed with a child”
~ Michael Jackson on Child Molestation
“Don't run away Billy! I either beat you or your mother, and she'd take me to court!”
~ An alcoholic father on Child/Wife beating
Child abuse can come in many forms. Abusing children, still an extremely popular practice no matter where in the world you go, can help make you fit in to the popular society and help you become a respected man about town.
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[edit] The Forms of Child Abuse
Today, nearly 85% of the world's parents abuse their children on a regular basis. Some do it for fun, others for respect, but whatever the reason, The question every parent who is just starting to discover this form of entertainment must ask themselves is: "What are the best ways to abuse my child?" Some popular forms of child abuse include:
- Physical violence (Only try this one if you are sure not to leave any marks. We wouldn't want you arrested now would we?)
- Molestation (Contact Michael Jackson for the...um...most creative methods here.)
- Verbal abuse (not as much fun as the others)
- Psychological abuse (not as widely used because of its great difficulty but extremely effective.)
- Life threataning abuse (Be careful with this one. If you use it you will most likely end up in jail. Only use it if you don't give a shit anymore because those urchins are just draining you.)
[edit] Abuse Without Detection
If you use any of the most popular methods for child abuse (listed above), you will most likely need to find a way to stop the little buggers from blabbing, or if they do blab, at least from being able to prove anything. With careful planning and concentration, child abuse can be a safe and fun activity.
- First, if you chose the physical violence abuse method, we must remember that this is the hardest one to cover up. You must be sure to hit the child hard, but not enough to leave a mark, or just hit them somewhere nobody will see. Remember, if you child goes around blabbing, they are not scared enough of you and should be abused even more.
1. The molestation abuse method is the second easiest one to cover up. You child won't go around flashing that part of them (unless they are whorish in which case it could hardly be considered abusse could it?) and even if they do, it is very unlikely there will be very much, if any, evidence of abuse.
2. Verbal abuse is the absolute easiest to cover up because it does not involve you touching your child in anyway, thus eliminating the possibility of any marks. Also, if your child goes around blabbing, all you need to do is deny it and nothing will go wrong.
3. Psychological abuse is also extremely easy to cover up as, again, it also does not need to involve any physical contact. If you child blabs about psychological abuse (which shouldn't happen if you've done it properly) there is no evidence. If the shrink asks about the state of the childs life at home, just give a typical description that you could have just gotten from reading Dennis the Menace.
4. As stated above, life-threatening abuse is by far the most difficult to cover up, and, if you still care about covering it up, then you should NOT be using this method as you most assuredly go to jail.
[edit] Benefits of Child Abuse
If you are reading this article and thinking, "Well, I'd like to try child abuse but I don't see anything I get out of it." , then you have not been paying good enough attention you bastard. There are several benefits to child abuse. So here they are so you dont have to go back look for them for hours and then not even see them:
- Makes you feel better
- You can finally be able to fit in with the rest of the guys (or girls)
- You assert your authority over the child
- It's just plain fun
- You don't wanna have to pay for the little fucker to go to college do you?
- Makes you look tough
- Helps you relate better to your father
The extreme amount of benefits produced by child abuse are enough to make any parent wish to do it.
[edit] See Also
For more information about child abuse and just abuse in general please view:
