Chris Chocola
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Chris "The Count" Chocola (R-PACs) is a Congressman representing himself from Indiana's second Congressional district. He believes that the role of a Congressman is a full-time position playing the 18-hole "Blue" course at the Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, Maryland. Chocola first ran in 2000 losing to Tim Roemer. In 2002 Chocola won office by carding a 73 at Q school.
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[edit] Family History
Chris Chocola is the direct descendant of Count Chocula, the famous vampire lord who once ruled all of eastern Europe. The Chocula family immigrated from Transylvania to America in 1923 because godless commies were going around killing all their Counts just because they lived in God-granted luxury while the peasants had to live in mud huts. The entire Romanian nobility were also vampires who drank the blood of virgins, but that really had nothing to do with it. Upon arriving in America the family name was immediately changed from "Chocula" to "Chocola" under the Immigrant Name Butchering Act of 1857. They quickly became a prominent family in the Vampire Mafia, a.k.a the Republican Party.
[edit] Early Life
Born in Michigan, Chris grew up living in the ghettos of Detroit while his parents eked out a pitiable existence working as janitors — totally kidding! Chocola is so wealthy that he paid another child to be born with his silver spoon in his mouth. Growing up wealthy gave Chris a unique perspective on poverty: he didn't know poor people existed until his second term in Congress.
[edit] Career
In 2000 Chocola carded a 79 after a double bogey on the eleventh at Medina. He also made a totally insane comment about privatizing Social Security.
In 2002 Chocola shot a 73 to beat his opponent at the Q School qualifier, Beth Page. After arriving in Washington he was disappointed to learn that Congressmen are expected to interrupt their golf game to do something called "vote." He became fast friends with another noted golfer, Tom Delay, who convinced him to stay.
In 2004 Chocola was challenged by Joe Donnelly. While it was close for a few holes, Chocola was able to defeat Donnelly on the sixteenth green by replacing his Titleist with one of those gag exploding balls.
[edit] The Present
Currently facing Donnelly in a rematch in 2006, Chocola has fallen behind after hitting into a sand trap on the eighth hole. Better known as Iraq, this bunker is very deep, and often referred to as a quagmire. Chocola attempted to throw his ball onto the green while misdirecting everyone with allegations that Donnelly hadn't paid his green's fee. Later it was found out that Chocola had failed to tip his caddy.
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