Chris wolstenholme
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“We tried to get Chris to act as Mrs. Punch, but he told us to piss off, sadly.”
~ Dominic Howard on Chris Wolstenholme
“Beer.”
~ Chris Wolstenholme on daily procedures
Christopher Troy Wolstenholme was born in the late 9th century, in a peasant village in the nation of Yugoslavia. His mother was a Unicorn and his father smelled of sex and alcohol. His favorite past times include eating feces, talking to the invisible people in the sky, and playing the rusty trombone in alien space rock band Muse.
[edit] Early Life
Chris started learning ass when he was still inside the womb. This was very uncomfortable for his father and an emergency operation had to be conducted. He went to school on Jupiter, where he made friends and had perfectly straight hair.
[edit] Forming of Muse
Chris met fellow band members Matt My-bell-end-and-me and Demonic Coward in a brothel. Matt and Dom where chatting in a corner. Chris told Dom to put some pants on and a friendship was instantly formed.
Six orgies with native african men later, Matt asked Chris if he would like to make some fun together. Chris, assuming it was a metaphor, told him to "bugger off, you stupid poof." Dom explained what Matt really meant, and the next day they wrote their first song, "Small things in me".
[edit] Family
Chris is married and has twenty-seven slaves, all named Dave. Actually, three of these slaves were fathered by Matt. The Matt-bastards can be distinguished by their weasel-like tendancies, as well as the fact that they will eat nothing but pork rinds.
