Christ family
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The Christ family, officially the Demi-Theos-Goddus-Christ Surnæmei, is the family of true Gods who have been known to live in 5 different locations:
- Theos-Christ: Mount Olympus
- Deus-Goddus-Christ: Heaven
- Goddus-Christ: Mars
- Deus-Christ: God-Knows-Where
- Theos-Deus Christ: The Sun - Leet Gods
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[edit] Origins
The first Christ was Supergod El Christ, sometimes Sugerpod Ei-Hrlst (but that is only true in Leetia), and was born from the combined powers of Oscar Wilde, Mr. T, Friedrich Nietzsche and Bob. How this was is unclear, but appears to be the result of a Temporal paradox.
[edit] The Greek Gods (Theos-Christ)
The first of the Theos-Christ sect of the Christ family was Chaos Dis-A-Star Christ, who in turn bore Saturn Jupiter-Cronos Christ, who bore Zeus Dios Christ (and the lesser Hera Godmother-June Christ), and from them came Hermes Godfather Christ and Sophia Haiku Christ. Antithe Notgod Christ and Athe Nogod Christ were also daughters of Hera, but through This Guy, who went to heaven after running out of kittens. Other purported children of Zeus include Pan Peter Christ, Athena Minerva Christ and Venus Cupid Christ.
[edit] The Godzi (Goddus-Christ)
From Hermes and Sophia came the Godzi, a race of God-Lizards who had nothing better to do than running around crushing random cities, until 1956, when Godzilla Yahweh Christ and Godzillo Hermes-Godzi Christ came to Earth to bear God. A few years later the other Godzi, Yoshi Yoshisaurus Christ and Barney Purpledinosaur Christ, decided to clone themselves. The result was The MC Escher Lizards.
[edit] God's Family (Deus-Christ)
It is unknown how God Deus Christ managed to have children, but a theoretical Mother-Goddess Freudianphilosophy Christ is blamed. Others say that God raped a random woman from Nazereth, known as Mary Mother-Of-God Jew. Her children include Jesus Harold-Sonofgod Christ, Satan Devil Christ, Stan Demon Christ and Alien Martian Ooogleboogle Christ. The former, Jesus, has been reincarnated approximately 385 times.
[edit] Jesus's family (Deus-Goddus-Christ)
In 30 B.C. Jesus married Mary Magdalene even though she was by profession a whore. The two had a total of five children: Your Mother Daughter-of-God Christ, George Bush Christ, Albert Einstein Christ, Neils Bohr Christ, and Joan Arcadia Christ. He was then fried on a steak (not crucified, that is an untrue rumour) and fed to the dinosaurs.
“Mmm... Jesus steaks...”
~ Dinosaurs on Jesus Steak
Afterards Jesus was reincarnated as Jebus, but was accidentally sent back in time to be Jesus's younger brother.
[edit] Family Trees
[edit] FT1: Ancient Greek Scroll from 3756 BC
Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Chaos═╤═Chaos ┌───┴───┬───────────┐ Amor═╤═Gaea Tyber Zann │ │ ┌───Oranos═╤═Gaea Corruption │ │ │ ┌────┴────┐ │ Zeus══╤══Kronos │ Chaos══╪══Mewtwo Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ┌─────────────┴────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ Clam │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────┴───┬──────────────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother═╤═Wyatt══╤══Poseidon │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┬────┬──┤ Carl Sagan╧══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell╧═God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └───Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ PS Man Cecil Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ │ │ │ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your Mom │ │ │ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ │ │ │ Mewtwo │ Transvesta Corruption ┌───────┤ │ │ Harry Potter │ Splenda═╤═Wilford Brimley │ │ ...And you... │ ┌────┴─────┐ Diabeetis Meow Mix
[edit] FT2: Tree compiled by Mythologists in 2006 AC
Evolution of The Gods (with guest appearances by Jesus and the Letters of the Alphabet) Supergod-Oprah / \ APE---Αβ Chaos GoC | | Leet Gods Saturn____________________ | | | Zeus & Hera Hades Poseidon | Antithe___Athe___Pan*|_Venus___Hermes___Sophia___Athena - Greek Gods | Godzillo___Godzilla_|_Oprah___Yoshi___Barney - Godzi | ------God------ | | | *Believed to be Peter Pan. Satan Jesii Aliens
[edit] See Also
Leet Gods
Gods
God
Evolution of E
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Categories: Greek gods | Religion | Gods | Goddesses | Coherent | One True Gods
