Christian Logic
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“Being an atheist makes no sense because EVERYTHING requires a creator. That creator is God. God requires no creator because... that is the rule I made up... just now.”
~ A Christian on atheism
“That sounds like an oxymoron to me.”
~ A Some Random on Christian Logic
“So, you believe that a cosmic zombie (who was his own father), born from a 'virgin', can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept his as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in all humans because a woman (made from a rib) was convinced by a talking snake (with legs) to eat from a magical tree and thereby pissing off an invisible wizard who lives in the sky (who couldn't find the only 2 humans on Earth)? Yeah....makes perfect sense. ”
~ Your Mom
“If P then Q is true where P is an Uncyclopedia article, and Q is an Oscar Wilde quote.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Logic
Along with American Intelligence, Christian Logic is an oxymoron and a paradox of modern cognitive reasoning. In the main it appears to be a form of Socratic thinking answering often complex questions with another question, frequently "What Would Jesus Do?"
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[edit] Overview
Christian logic is a form of reasoning that is used to justify belief in the Bible. It is also used to justify certain things in the Bible such as the killing of homosexuals, genocide, the mention of slavery, and the belief that all people who die believing in the incorrect version of God will be tortured forever.
It is important when examining the Bible to remember that not all the stories are supposed to be literally true except for the parts that are supposed to be. An example of this would be when the Bible states the earth was created in six days. One can determine what parts are supposed to be literal by relying on a intricate analysis system that consists of guessing, thinking about it, and relying on what your parents told you was true when you were a young child. Also all parts of the Bible are true until science proves the opposite and then they aren't true and never were meant to be taken literally.
[edit] The central idea
The main theory of Christian Logic is that there is an invisible Wizard living up in the sky.This wizard created one and a half million species of insects and stars millions of lightyears away. This Wizard somehow teleports all Christians after their death to a heaven.The Wizard also somehow manage to send atheists, liberals and other heathen sum to a frying pan called hell. The Wizard also hears prayers from thousands of people from every corner of the earth at every instant while being on a tight schedule of creating tornadoes and earthquakes. The thoughts from the heads of seven billion people in this world get converted into electromagnetic waves and they penetrate the skull, concrete and air reach this wizard so that he knows what you are thinking at this very moment.
[edit] An Exercise in Christian Logic
Can you use Christian logic to determine which of these events actually happened?
A) Moon splits apart
B) Man walks on water
C) Man is given golden plates by an angel
D) A man's staff is turned into a snake
E) Man is taken into Heaven on a horse with wings
F) A woman is turned into salt
G) Mr. T does not want to go on a plane because he hates flying, so he's given drugged milk to put him to sleep so his team can finish the mission
Give up? Try to unsramble this sentence for a hint:
FI OUY LPAY ETH INKP OYLDF ALBUM THWI ETH IZARDW FO ZO, OUY ILLW EB DISAPOINTDE ECAUSBE SIT OTN THTA IMPREVSSIE. I OTG BROED ATFER ETH IRSTF IVEF INUTEMS NDA I ASW IGHH.
[edit] Cherry Picking
Cherry Picking refers to the method of deciding which parts of the Old and New Testaments to follow and which ones to ignore.
According to the Bible, Jesus said that he came not to abolish the law of the prophets, but to fulfill them. What many people do not realize was that there was an asterisk (*) at the end of that sentence and that Jesus originally intended for Christians to arbitrarily decide what to follow based on how they were feeling that day, but a smudge of peanut butter accidentally covered the asterisk, thus creating more confusion.
Examples of Cherry Picking would be ignoring kosher dietary laws. Christians would contend that Jesus died for our sins and because of this, we no longer have to follow those Old Testament laws except for those Old Testament laws that we still have to follow.
It is particularly important that Jesus be loved and revered, and that his words be ignored.
[edit] Proof that God Exists
For Christians this is easy. They start with the some very simple reasoning. Something must have created the universe and so there must be God. QED.
Many professors of mathematicians, logic and philosophy say that this proof is flawed and they produce “rigorous” busts to the above argument but Christians know these objections are easily dealt with - you can’t apply that sort of logic to God, you have to experience Him.
Equally Christians understand that time had to start somewhere but that would be impossible, time can’t just start, therefore there has to be a God to start it. Physicists and mathematicians who produce asymptotic theories of time clearly do not live in the real world and have not watched a clock go round so must be wrong.
Above all there is a book that says God exists that was written by a follower/prophet of God himself, so it must be true. Therefore God exists.
This book, the Bible, (Muslims substitute the Koran) contains the one truth and says that God is the only true God and all other “gods” are false and must not be worshipped.
Christians also find it easy to dispel common objections to the existence of God.
“There are so many different gods in the world. They can’t all exist. Why do you believe in your god?” This line of reasoning overlooks that God can manifest himself in many different and mysterious ways and that all followers of religion in a sense can be seen to follow the same God, just in a different way.
“There does not seem to be any concrete evidence that God exists. He’s just a figment of your imagination.” So many people believe in God it must be true. And you have to experience Him to understand. If you are closed minded you cannot experience Him. You are closed minded therefore you don’t understand. Therefore God exists.
“Religion, including Christianity, causes great harm in the world.” That is a real shame. But never mind, it is more important to have faith and deal with the consequences.
“But other religions came earlier and Islam will soon have more followers.” See above arguments on multiple religions.
“But didn’t you say yours is the only true god? Isn’t that in the Bible?” This is far too literary an argument and misses the point that in some sense all gods are the same but at the same time are completely different and there is one true god. You have to look at this on a higher level than simple logic. Believers of all religions understand this, only atheists don’t.
[edit] Criticism on Christian Logic
See Common Sense
[edit] The Gaping Holes
Some christian logic is rather acceptable however it is always let down by 'The Gaping hole syndrome' meaning when it is safe to assume, that there is a christian belief that is feasible, unfortunately there is a christian belief that is not. For example, Christian logic states, there are no such thing as ghosts. Feasible. This is because we all go to this cloudy place with God or you go to a burny place with Satan. Not so feasible. Long ago, a man named Jesus was executed by the Romans for preaching christianity. Feasible. He had superhuman powers. Not so feasible. At one point in human existence everyone was sinful. Feasible. A pensioner built a gigantic boat with his family and somehow collected two of every animal, to survive a worldwide flood that would kill everyone and start things again. Not so feasible.
[edit] Teaching of Christian Logic
Few people change their religious beliefs after the age of 7 so Christians find it is best to start teaching it early. They recommend to teach Christian Logic to children of 5 years old or even younger, at home and in the school, when they are best able to weigh up the pros and cons of the complex arguments for and against the existence of God and to separate fantasy from reality.
Teaching by constant repetition of a few points and not allowing any questioning of key premises is also seen as critical. Dissenters should be publically humiliated in class for being so silly. Daily prayers are used to reinforce these points as they create a powerful subliminal message. Christians draw a distinction between these methods of those of Islam, cults and some dictatorships because Christianity is Good and the others are Evil.
[edit] Number of Christians
There is some dispute over which religion has how many followers. China is particularly difficult to assess. However, it is generally accepted that Christianity is the most prevalent religion in the world. The list below shows the most accurate picture available for the world excluding China.
Christians: 2bn; Muslims: 1.8bn; Hindis: 1bn; other religions outside of China: 0.8bn
World population excluding China: 5.2bn.
Therefore number of atheists outside of china = minus 0.4 bn.
Which proves again that atheists are wrong and Christians are right.
And atheism is very popular in France. So it can’t be right. Christianity is the most popular religion in France which is an atheist country. So Christianity must be right.
But remember religion is not a popularity contest. It is a tool for politicians to win popularity contests happens to galvanise large parts of the population and wise and selfless people like US politicians connect with Christianity and promote it for the common good. Not themselves at all. Really.
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