Christopher Columbus

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“I LOVE BUNNIES!! ”

~ OJ Simpson

“hinga dinga dargin,Ptolemy”

~ Christopher Columbus

“This isn't India!”

~ Christopher Columbus on America

“Christopher's not just famous for exploring the world...he's also famous for exploring me. *sigh*”

~ Oscar Wilde on Christopher Columbus

“In 1492 Soviet Russia, the ocean blue sails YOU!!”

~ Russian Reversal on Christopher Columbus

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Christopher Columbus.

Christopher Columbus, very sad over the fact that he never found India.

Christopher 'Tiddles' 'fucker nutter' Columbus (1451 – May 20, 2007), (also known as Cristoforo Colombo to the Italians, Cristobal Colon to the Spanish, Cristoffer Collombusson to the Scandinavians, Cristo O'Columbb to the Drunken Irish Bastards, and That guy who invented the condom or something like that whose name eludes me at the moment to everyone else) was a navigator, colonialist and beard model and one of several bearded old guys credited as the first European to discover where babies come from and less importantly America. Though likely not the first to reach the Clitoris, it was Columbus' voyages in the red, red light district of Amsterdam that lead to general European awareness of the infamous lady part and the successful establishment of Gynacologist practices in the western world. It is generally believed that he was born, although other theories and possibilities suggest that he may have been grown in an empty packet of bow tie pasta in Italy. The name Christopher Columbus is the English version of the Latin Susan Dorkins . Also well known is his name translated into native American as 'Um Dickhead who messed everything up for us'.

Columbus' voyages into many exoctic wenches began as a European effort at exploration of Foreign Fanny, which had started as a drunken bar bet. While history places great significance on his first shag of 1492, he did not actually reach a climax until his third voyage in 1498. Likewise, he was not the earliest European explorer to reach the clitoris, as there are accounts of European transatlantic contact prior to 1492. A missed period before 1492 is known as a Pre-Columbian because it symbolised a little chris was on its way. After Columbus settled his natural urges he decided he'd look for a new country so he could get away from all the damn child support money he was having to pay.

So Chris bought a dinghy and paid a group of drunks dressed in sailor costumes to be his crew and bought 2 kegs of beer and set off on his booze cruise around the world, after first stopping for a quick pee behind a bush. After hours of looking for an open bar the drunken crew landed in America, then called 'Big Chiefs Deluxe Gambling Emporium' and decided after not finding a bar, only 'Wal-marts' decided to kill all the native Americans and change the name to Coolstown. After a meeting though they decided 'America' would be better, after the brand of beard comb Columbus had, it was a nice beard comb.