Chuck Norris/Paradox
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This article is, and yet isn't, about the Chuck Norris paradox. For information on other impossible things Chuck Norris can do, see Chuck Norris (disambiguation).
“The only paradox here is if I kicked the guy's ass who made this entry, then went back in time to kick his ass again, did I ever really kick his ass in the first place?”
“Could Chuck Norris create a man so powerful, that even HE couldn't defeat him!?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Chuck Norris
“ Of course he can, he is Chuck Norris! And later, in celebration, he would kick that guy's ass”
~ The truth on Chuck Norris paradox
The Chuck Norris paradox is the paradox of Chuck Norris beating or not beating himself up in a second. It is believed that Chuck Norris could beat anyone up in less than a second. Also, no one can defeat him. This brings us to a problem - if Chuck Norris tried to fight himself, he could not lose (because nobody can defeat him), and he could also not win (because winning a Norris-Norris fight would mean that Chuck Norris lost). A related problem is determining what would happen if Chuck Norris ran around the world so fast that he struck himself in the back of his own head.
Most scientists believe that if Chuck Norris challenged himself into a fight, the world would end in less than a second, but some also believe that this is the only way of defeating Chuck Norris - keeping him busy with a fight against himself, so his enemies can do what they want. Still others believe that in such a situation, only one outcome is possible: the victory of Chuck Norris.
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[edit] See Also
The Chuck Norris paradox is the superset of the family of paradoxes that includes Russell's paradox, the liar's paradox, and the turtle paradox. In its most basic formulation, it states that "Chuck Norris can kick anyone's ass", but this leads to the dilemma that if God created an unassed man, then Chuck Norris would not be able to kick ass, but God exists as a logical conclusion stemming from the observation that René Descartes is a thinking being, so if Chuck Norris can't kick the ass of an unassed man, then Descartes could not exist, in turn proving that modern mathematics is without a father, which in turn proves that set theory is divorced from logic, thus demonstrating that, although Chuck Norris doesn't cut his own beard, there cannot exist a set of people who are neither Chuck Norris, but cut Chuck Norris's beard. This paradox is resolved through the adoption of multi-valued logic, but the Texas Rangers' motto is "You're either with us or you're against us.", so if Chuck Norris is a Texas Ranger, he could not kick anyone's ass. Therefore, if Chuck Norris is a Texas Ranger, he cannot be a Texas Ranger (or else he'd have to shave his beard). Also if "Chuck Norris can kick anyone's ass", then it would thereby prove that he could kick his own ass because he would be considered as anyone, which includes himself. The paradox in itself lies in the theory that if he fought himself then neither Chuck Norris's would lose but since "Chuck Norris can kick anyone's ass" which includes himself, then he could possibly kick his own ass but since this is not possible the world would end.
[edit] The "White Hole" Theory
This theory states that, if Chuck should ever happen to disagree with his own opinions and administer an almighty roundhouse kick to his own cranium, an all consuming deity known as a White Hole would be created. This White Hole would simultaneously kill you and grant you invincibility at the same time (much like a crappy FPS). All existence would be transformed into a lobster with a monocle.
[edit] The "Chuck Norris vs Mr.T" paradox
Scientists believe that because of the power of Chuck Norris' roundhouse and the indestructibility of Mr.T, when Chuck Norris delivers a roundhouse to Mr.T's face, in one parallel universe Mr.T will be destroyed, and in the other he will survive.This causes a rift in the trans-dimensional vortex which obliterates both parallel universes, and gives all Time Lords a brain spazm. However, neither of them are just bad enough to defeat Mitra.
[edit] The "Chuck Norris-hot dog" paradox
Chuck Norris CAN make a hot dog so hot he himself could not eat. And then he would eat it.
[edit] The Immovable Object Unstoppable Force Theory
It has been hypothesized that should Chuck Norris challenge himself to a fight, the unstoppable force would for no apparent reason collide with the immovable object. This also works in reverse.
[edit] Time Travel
Chuck Norris is known to have roundhouse kicked himself into the past and has been seen at many historical occasions.
[edit] Criticism of the Paradox
It has been argued that the whole paradox was crap upon the fact that the word "anyone" in "Chuck Norris can kick anyone's ass" could not apply to Chuck Norris, since Chuck Norris is not anyone. The proof of the un-anyone-ness of Chuck Norris rests on the fact that if you take a leprechaun and "anyone" human and put them together, the human would be taller. A leprechaun cannot be called "anyone" as it possesses gold yet it is smaller. Considering the axiom that "The part is smaller than the whole", you inevitably deduce that the leprechaun is a part of "anyone". A part of "anyone" being rich, anyone is rich. If time = money, "anyone" is therefore in possession of time. We can also conclude, with the fact that "When Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down", that Chuck Norris is stronger than time. The conclusion, since "Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice", is that Chuck Norris can slow time infinitely, thus giving him absolute power over "anyone". Therefore Chuck Norris = Anyone is false Ad Absurdum. if chuck norris killed hitler at the age of five with his lededary round house kick and killed confusus by staring him down. there for the stature of jesus + god + lee speakman+ a "magon"= Chuck Norris. chuck > god > higher than everyone else.
[The author has just been roundhouse kicked in the face for suggesting that Chuck Norris is no one, as if you aren't anyone than you are no one].
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“I pity the fool who puts Chuck Norris and Mr. T. in the same article.”
~ Mr. T.
“The only thing worse than having Chuck Norris and Mr. T. in the same article is having Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Oscar Wilde in the same article.”
Things relating to our hero Chuck Norris. He demanded his own category, threatening to roundhouse kick us. This page was duly created, and he kicked us anyway. We should have seen it coming...
