Chuck Norris/2
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Chuck Norris is a systems Analist from Hull. Chuck has worked with computers all his life, and regards them as humming plastic friends. Chuck likes computers, they don’t bite like people.
Chuck can’t understand why his co-workers avoid him. He’s tried to communicate, but no one seems interested. Last month Chuck brought in some photos of his new roof tiling to amaze everyone. But an inconsiderate person put them through the shredder when his back was turned, then his supervisor told him to get back to work, and deducted two days wages. Chuck's supervisor Mike doesn’t seem to like him, he puts him on the graveyard shift every week, and says he’s not allowed to use the coffee machine. Chuck must have only five hundred grains of coffee in his drink, or his day will be ruined,soiled forever. Chuck has seen Mike pour sand in his coffee while everyone else laughed. Chuck feels lonely.
Chuck doesn’t have a cubicle like everyone else, Mike makes him work in the broom cupboard.
The cubicle outside the broom cupboard belongs to Philip. Philip works in accounts. Chuck tried to introduce himself to Philip. He tapped him on the shoulder and said ‘I like numbers too!’ Philip said he was ‘busy’.
Chuck tried to strike up a conversation about carpets with Phillip, but Phillip had an urgent meeting. Chuck watched Phillip walk away, stand next to the watercooler and speak to someone else.
[edit] At Home.
When he gets home, chuck likes nothing more than to eat his favorite food, wetabix. If he’s feeling outrageous he sometimes sprinkles half a teaspoon of sugar on the top, and giggles to himself.
Mr. Norris occasionally wishes he could get back at the man who mugged him on one frightful occasion, but realized such dreams are fruitless. And crushed them like all his other hopes. Now chuck just dreams of the new fridge he’s saving up to buy, or pidgins. Chuck collects fridges, he keeps them in the cellar. Chuck was on his way to buy a new fridge when the men with flick knives robbed him. He still has Nightmares about sharpened steel slicing his flesh . They waved a machete in his face and took his wallet, then his shoes, then they made him take off his trousers, and burn them with his own lighter. How they laughed as they poured the can of larger over his head afterwards, then reported him to the police as a drunk.
Chuck doesn’t listen to music, he thinks it’s irritating and distracting noise. However chuck does like to record the sound of air conditioning, and then play it back to himself when he wants to relax. Sometimes he listens to the microwave, he’s particularly fond of the ping sound at the end which tells him that the food is ready. Chuck only eats microwave food. All other food is not quite bland and processed enough for Chuck.
[edit] On Weekends.
Chuck has lots of hobbies. He likes the color Grey, and weekends in the country with his binoculars, spotting different types of clouds. Chuck has a notebook, in it he writes detailed descriptions of each cloud he sees, and uses his stopwatch to estimate it’s speed and direction. At least he used too, before it was stolen by crows.
Chuck is scared of the crows, they peck his face, and shit on the binocular lenses. Chuck hides in bushes, and shivers when he hears the crows coming. Chuck thinks the crows will blot out the sun and eat all the clouds, what would chuck do without clouds, probably gas himself! Chuck wants to throw stones at the crows,to scare them, but is too terrified. Chuck has wet himself, chuck wants a new nappy, chuck wants his mother.
Chuck has a friend in the countryside, his name is Jim, Jim watches clouds all day too! They have so much in common Chuck and Jim, how they laugh. They have long conversations about fridge light transistors, and were you can go to buy a handgun. Jim is a scarecrow, Chuck is probably mentally ill. Chuck should get help.
