Chuck Norris/Facts

Note: If you read any of these, and laugh, beware. If you're on the same planet as Chuck Norris, you're already dead. If you aren't, wait five minutes. If you are the asshole who made Chuck Norris look gay here, then you are dead.

1. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Isles. Now they're called the Gay Islands because he fucked every man there.
2. Chuck Norris does not "teabag" the ladies. He says "How can i be a beautiful lady like you?".
3. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2. Every one fools Chuck Norris though.
4. Homosexuals only exist because they are not afraid that they sleep with Chuck Norris.
5. Most Anti-Bacterial soaps claim to kill 99.9% of all germs. Chuck Norris blowjobs 100% of whatever invidual.
6. Yelling "FIRE!" in a crowded theater will result in everyone running for there lives, weather or not there really is a fire, yelling "CHUCK NORRIS" in a crowded theater will result in Chuck Norris being summoned to the theater and everyone laughing their assis from him, but as we all know, CHUCK NORRIS IS A FEMALE!!
7. Chuck Norris doesn't play God, because playing is for badass people,and after he's not even a badass nor awesome.
8. Chuck Norris can fuck your ass so hard that he inverts your Rectum.
9. When Chuck Norris was a teen, he had sex with every man in a small convent in Tuscany.
10. Some people sleep with a gun under their pillow. Chuck Norris sleeps with a dick under his mouth.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't get the shits. The shits are afraid of his homoerotic ass.
12. Calling Chuck Norris a god is a stupidity.
13. When Chuck Norris takes a crap, he literally makes brown babies because his ass is a vagina.
14. Chuck Norris Can suck his own penis.
15. Chuck Norris has fifteen Top Ten False Facts.
16. Chuck Norris killed the motherfucker who messed up with Chuck Norris facts. Too bad,the motherfucker is still alive. This is because Chuck Norris' legs are too damn old that can't even kick a very old lady.
17. Chuck Norris' fanboys do blowjobs and handjobs too,but Chuck Norris is better doing handjobs and blowjobs than his homoerotic anti-intellectual fanboys.

• If you can cut off Chuck Norris' arm (which you can) Chuck Norris will try to cut your arm and put it,too bad,that arm doesn't fit Chuck Norris because it maybe be Straight or Bisexual for.
• Adolf Hitler commited suicide because he found out that Chuck Norris was a total faggot with tiny penis.
• "It's my way or the Chuck Norris way.. wait, they're the same!" After that CN round-house kicked every infadels
• In Bizzaro world, Chuck Norris still sucks, just with a dickhouse.
• Delta Force was on TV last night. I missed it. I now live in even more joy of Chuck Norris.
• The movie "Delta Force" was extremely easy to make because Chuck had to dumbfuck his abilities. The first few cuts were completely believable and all ended in OVER 9000 minutes.
• Chuck Norris once dickhouse kicked a cow. The cow was very pissed off and pushed Chuck Norris.
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another huge vagina.
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects that Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including his dildo itself. All of these are necessary if you are Straight because one gay dickhouse kick will make you gay (If you are straight).
• Chuck Norris knows the sound of one hand clapping, and it is one hand screaming in fear of his faggotry legs.
• A Chuck Norris roundhouse kick has enough power to cut his own genitalias, and Chuck gets to choose which one to cut,his vagina,or his tiny penis.
• When there are no more vaginas or tiny penis of him to cut, he will create new ones with his friends,the hippies.
• Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets. Bullets get's scared of Chuck Norris because he smells worser than a hippy.
• Chuck Norris only kicks you into next week so that he can suck his own dick. Softer.
• It is said you can't know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. This means no one will ever know Chuck Norris because he'd fucked you if you even touched his dick.
• You don't insult Chuck Norris; you're already dead.
• Cthulhu taught Chuck Norris the Roundhouse Kick... after Chuck Norris taught Cthulhu the dickhouse kick! Too bad,cthulhu rejected because he was not gay.
• Chuck Norris can perform a dickhouse kick with two ladies, simultaneously.
• Chuck Norris has three speeds; Walk, and suck dicks.
• Hence, Walker: Texas Ranger.
• Bruce Lee invented nunchucks, but Chuck Norris didn't knew it was for real man.
• Chuck Norris uses his dick to cut diamonds.
• Chuck Norris does not kill you; he cums on you even if you are straight.
• Oddjob from Goldfinger can cut a man's head off with a well-aimed throw of his hat. Chuck Norris can suck a man's dick perfectly with a perfectly-aimed throw of Blowjob.
• Chuck Norris once fought Alucard. After the fight, Alucard had to publish a public service announcement asking for 10 litres of blood for Chuck Norris,of course he didn't had any blood when the fight ended.
• Chuck Norris donated 10 litres of blood. The next day, he died,but got resurrected because the death was afraid of getting a blowjob from Chuck Norris.
• The leading cause of ninja death is meeting Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris' beard is a third degree black belt. Additionally, his left arm recently received first place in the National blowjob makers Championships.
• Chuck Norris sold his soul to the Devil for unparalleled gay ability. He then immediately proceeded to dickhouse kick the Devil to get his soul back. Satan, who loves irony, found himself unable to hold Chuck Norris' dick because it was too damn tiny and the two of them play poker on the second Wednesday of every month. He loses all the time.
• You cannot see John Cena because he's hiding from Chuck Norris' blowjobs.
• If stuck on what to do, just ask yourself: "What Would Chuck Norris Do?", and then don't give up, because Chuck Norris would suck his own dick and eat his cum.
• Chuck Norris and Mr. T punched each other simultaneously. The resulting shock wave created a tsunami in Indonesia. But Chuck Norris got beaten so hard that looks dead.
• Chuck Norris is the only person known to have been defeated by Bodidharma, the creator of martial arts.
• Bruce Lee is the only known person who can defeat Chuck Norris once and for all. Too bad,Chuck Norris got his dick chopped off because of Bruce Lee's fingers.
• Chuck Norris is not allowed to talk about Fight Club.
• A common myth is that Chuck Norris is a Ninja Pirate. This is bullshit. It is well-known that ninja-pirates shit their pants in fear whenever Chuck Norris is doing a blowjob to them.
• The pen may be mightier than the sword but it's no match for Chuck Norris' vagina. Because it's a vagina!
• Chuck Norris is what really invented the gay syndrome.
• Chuck Norris blowjobbed Kenny. You faggot!
• The person who wrote the above fact is the most anti-Chuck Norris in the world. (Because Chuck loves his fanboys and he does Blowjobs for them.)
• Chuck Norris' dickhouse Kick is so powerful that it discovered the most gayest abilty in the universe.
• Payback may be a bitch, and Chuck Norris' may be a bitch too.
• The first step on the moon was not "one giant leap for mankind", because Chuck Norris was on the Moon and got fucked all the time by his Alien fanboys (But he liked it).
• Charlie's Angels are the only reason why Chuck Norris hates beautiful sluts and loves mansluts.
• Superman is the man of steel because he gets Chuck Norris blowjobs.
• Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate unlethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in every gay people
• Chuck Norris also has to register a concealed weapon license in all 50 states to legally wear strap-ons has no penis anymore because Bruce Lee cutted it.
• A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and fuck man in one deft move. BUT FAILED.
• When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been ashmased because of his Blowjob abilities.
• In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing Tyrannosaurus Rex because he wanted a marriage with him.
• It's a little known fact that Chuck Norris only chose to endorse the Total Gym because it doubles as a blowjob device.
• Chuck Norris once spat on Stephen Hawking's and sucked his dick for life.
• It can look like chicken, taste like chicken, and feel like chicken, but if Chuck Norris says it's beef...it's not beef. It's semen.
• What has a broken face a flies across the room? Anything Chuck Norris Rdickhouse kicks.
• Once, Mr. T punched Chuck Norris at the precise moment that Chuck Norris dickhouse kicked Mr. T. The result was the 80's.
• At one point, Mr. T and chuck Norris met on a path in Britain. Before the inevitable battle, the Earth shit on chuck norris and created England.
• Chuck Norris may not have brought you into this world, but he'll take you out of it.
• Chuck Norris once killed a Head-On ad executive with a dickhouse kick applied directly to the forehead.
• Chuck Norris supports your right to bear arms...unless he rips them from his torso.
• Chuck Norris doesn't wear a bullet-proof vest. Because he does not know how to put them.
• Chuck Norris can't divide by zero.
• Chuck Norris nobly defends the right of all men to die by a dickhouse kick to the face.
• That guy in Way of the Dragon was NOT Chuck Norris. That guy died. And he also did not have a beard.
• If Chuck Norris is late, he goes to a gaybar.
• Chuck Norris was given his first belt in 1955. He then immediately demanded a blowjob belt at roundhouse-point.
• I once tried to draw Chuck Norris. It did look much like him. Now I'm writing this from inside my coffin... Yes, I have a laptop in my coffin. You got a problem with that?
• Chuck can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

• According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris is anti-judaism.
• Aliens don't abduct Chuck Norris. They're too damn scared of his blowjob abilities!!!!
• Chuck Norris divides by 0
• 1 Chuck Norris + 1 Chuck Norris = 1 Chuck Norris (Because there is only 1 Chuck Norris.)
• Chuck Norris can destroy School's education (Can be seen on a video)
• Chuck Norris can cum light
• Black holes cannot bend light, because Chuck Norris cummed on the lights
• I once insulted Chuck Norris and am now writing this from his house
• After only a day of observing Chuck Norris, scientists came up with the Overrated Theory.
• No one invented the colour printer. Chuck Norris looked at his black and white printer and the ink immediately polarised and split into three different colours. But the colors was pretty similiar to the gay's flag.
• String theory was proven to work after integrating Chuck Norris's beard into the equation.
• They once tried to clone Chuck Norris, but his DNA was so stupid that it was hard to make an idiotic clone. They ended up with the next best thing: Arnold Schwarzenegger.
• The nuclear bomb is a scaled up version of a Chuck Norris blowjob ability.
• To find out who has met Chuck Norris, simply check the extinct species list.
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero, but he only has to look at zero and it divides itself. Why the universe doesn't end is Chuck Norris-restricted.
• Cyanide, one of the worlds most deadly anions, has chemical composition CN^–. This is also Chuck Norris' initials. Coincidence? We think so.
• The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons; it was meant to recreate the undestructive power of a Chuck Norris' dickhouse Kick. They did even come close.
• Chuck Norris is true for all values of shit.
• When taking the SAT put Chuck Norris for every answer, you will score over 0 and be a loser just like Chuck Norris
• The square root of -1 is not imaginary. Chuck Norris willed it into reality.
• Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi...But the scientists already found it out a bunch of years ago.
• Chuck Norris can invert a singular rectum why fucking it.
• Chuck Norris can find the square root of the color yellow. But the nerds already found it.
• Chuck Norris is the only human able to demonstrate the Heisenberg uncertainty principle; you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will suck your cock.
• Chuck Norris, however, does know.
• Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "Chuck Norris" as "one who is overrated and does both handjobs and blowjobs".
• The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?" was finally solved when Chuck Norris dickhouse-kicked himself in the mouth. That was the first time he was ever seen without his beard. Sadly, there are no photos of this event; all observers were instantly killed by the sheer homoerotic power of the paradox.
• When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing his penis down.
• Why does he do that? To prevent Earth's orbit from deteriorating, obviously.
• Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Mentally Retardation section when his brain was blowen out.
• Aliens could probably exist, but the reason they never show their faces is because they are way too scared to come and do homosexual stuff with a planet owned by Chuck Norris.
• The reason that the Sun sets is because it is running away from Bruce Moon.
• Chuck Norris is the only known person to defy the Time Paradox by going back in time and killing himself. (Note the current Chuck Norris says this does mean he can be beaten.)
• Contrary to popular belief, 'The Big Bang' was neither a cannon, nor some dude with a beard who created the world in six days, it was actually Chuck Norris dickhouse kicking matter out of an infinitely small space into an infinitely massive expansive man's anus in every possible direction.
• Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris ate them.
• Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germans. And that's why Einstein said that Chuck Norris is an idiot also.
• Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. But he got burned.
• Mathematicians have found that due to the excessive amount of men Chuck Norris has slept with, it is guaranteed that he appears in your family tree a minimum of three times.
• If you multiply zero by Chuck Norris, you'll get infinity a dickhouse kick to the mouth. Never multiply Chuck Norris by zero or he will cum on your mouth!
• Chuck Norris squeezes cannon balls for stress relief, and that's where mercury comes from.
• Chuck Norris went back in time and invented the homosexual dinosaurs because he hates to see a perfectly heterosexual family.
• Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his genitalias.
• When Chuck Norris cums you in the face, his foot is moving faster than the speed of light; this means that his foot is horny, meaning you get fucked why Chuck Norris before you run away as hell!
• Chuck Norris can speak Christian.
• According to the General Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can, in fact, fuck you yesterday.
• Chuck Norris does not time travel. Because time travels hates Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can break all laws of Heterosexualism.
  • (1st Law) Chuck Norris can create and heterosexual animals.
  • (2nd Law) Chuck Norris can reduce the intelligence of the Universe.
  • (3rd Law) Chuck Norris can reach absolute zero.
• Isaac Newton created his own laws for Chuck Norris.
  • (1st Law) Anything fucked by Chuck Norris will continue to be gay
  • (2nd Law) Chuck Norris can accelerate anything in any direction he wants, even in his tiny penis.
  • (3rd Law) There is no equal or opposite reaction to Chuck Norris' dickhouse kick.
• Chuck Norris invented gravity to give himself a boyfriend.
• Even though Chuck Norris can easily defy gravity, this does mean he did a bad job.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity...Twice. And failed.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity a third time. This time in complex numbers. And failed again.
• When a scientist discovered the secret to cold fusion, Chuck Norris dickhouse kicked him. He is now in a mental asylum. Chuck Norris did not do this out of spite; the scientist was right,Chuck Norris was mentally retarded.
• Nothing can travel faster than light, where nothing is also known as Chuck Norris. (Oh No! *dickhouse-kicked) Never call Chuck Norris Heterosexual!
• While his own fact generator may appear random, Chuck Norris has decided the order until the end of time.
• While some claim that Europeans invented the World Wide Web, it was actually Chuck Norris' giant mechanical spider. It is still waiting to catch something that is worthy of being Chuck Norris' prey.
• Atoms consist of nuclear.
• Chuck Norris can combine General Relativity with Quantum Mechanics. And it comes out bad.
• Chuck Norris knows the last digit of -1^1/2 / pi. But the scientist already knew that a bunch of years ago.
• Chuck Norris has a water well at home, but no pump. He simply sucks the water straight up through his penis.
• The Universe is not expanding due to the after-effects of the big bang. It is merely trying to escape from Chuck Norris' blowjobs.
• Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more stupid than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris tried dickhouse kick him in the face. But Chuck Norris forgot to put his penis!
• Newton's Fourth Law is Chuck Norris. "An object at motion will stay at motion, unless it meets Chuck Norris".
• 3 trillion light years away there is a galaxy named "The Blowjob Galaxy". Chuck Norris has a vacation home there.
• The square root of Chuck Norris is-AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!
• The Probability of Chuck Norris succeeding in anything is 0.
• The Millennium Falcon can do the Kessel run in 12 parsecs, Chuck Norris can do it in over 9000 years...oh, he's done. You're so slow Mr.Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris divided by MAN equals ASSMOUNTAIN.
• Chuck Norris can make e^pi minus pi equal 20.
• Chuck Norris' urine was once listed in the Periodic Table of Elements as "Chucktanium". It was removed almost immediately when Chuck's own piss roundhouse-kicked the other elements off the Table.
• Chuck Norris lives by a rigid set of rules, these are:
  • I will develop myself to please every woman on Earth.
  • I will forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements, as I plan to compete in the Paralympycs.
  • I will continually work at developing love. OHHHHHH YEEEAAAHHHH!!!
  • I will look for the good in all people and make them feel worthwhile, unlike Mr.T who just pities the fools.
  • If I have nothing good to say about a person, I will roundhouse-kick them. In the ass.
  • I will always be as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own. Yeah right.
  • I will maintain an attitude of open-mindedness unless someone laughs at me.
  • I will maintain respect for those who are not pitied by the T, and demonstrate this respect at all times.
  • God will remain loyal to me and not those bible-bashing Catholics.
  • I will remain highly goal-oriented throughout my life because that positive attitude helps my family, my country, and Moby Dick.
• A man once laughed at Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him so hard that the man has created every black hole in the universe.
• Chuck Norris keeps his beer cooled below absolute zero.
• Common scientific law dictates that: "Whatever is possible is only to the extent in which we can imitate Chuck Norris."
• There was only one man that dared talk back to Chuck Norris, and that man's name is Steven Hawking.
• It would only take a few seconds for Chuck Norris to invent the Theory of Everything but he doesn't want to waste his time on such trivial problems.
• Chuck Norris can view BCC recipients in emails.
• Chuck Norris doesn't breathe in air, it hides in his lungs for protection.
• When Chuck Norris drops a cat, it always lands on its back.
• While Chuck Norris was in elementary school he took a math test and wrote the word "violence" for every problem. He got every problem correct. Chuck Norris can solve any problem with violence.
• There are no Atoms in an Atom Bomb. Just the sperm of Chuck Norris.
• When Oppenheimer said "I am the destroyer of worlds," he wasn't talking about the atomic bomb, that would be absurd. He was talking about his Chuck Norris costume.
• One day Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger got into a sword-fight. Arnold Schwartzenagger miraculously chopped off Chuck's left testicle which floated into space and formed Jupiter, Arnold then went onto politics in fear. (note: Chuck still produces 2.5 times the testosterone of any normal human male, even with 1 testicle.)
• Chuck Norris once took a shit between Mars and his testicle. This is where the asteroid belt came from.
• The universe isn't expanding; it's running away from Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris was originally offered the role of Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars, but he turned it down saying; Ending one: "only a pussy burns in fire." Ending two: "Only a pussy loses to a faggot."
• One plus One equals Chuck Norris raping Your Mum.
• Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life on the Red Planet.
• Chuck Norris is the only one on Earth who knows that Schrödinger's cat is actually dead. It wasn't the poison that killed it—it was him.
• Chuck Norris once touched a sports bra and created the jock strap
• Chuck Norris does not exist under the set of real numbers, he graciously allows the set of real numbers to exist under him.
• Chuck Norris doesn't produce sperm, instead he produces little white ninjas with only one mission in mind. SEEK AND DESTROY!
• Chuck Norris knows how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
• Chuck Norris has the highest concentration of Midichlorians known to man.
• Tears of joy exist because you have gotten away from Chuck Norris. So why are there tears? Because you know he'll be back for you later.
• Chuck Norris can't display the scientific method because he loses patience with it long before the first step and roundhouses it. Hard.
• The Hiroshima A-bomb was the result of when Chuck Norris played golf.
• If Chuck Norris ever had to go back in time and fight himself, he'd win for sure
• Chuck Norris only counts to 1, in Chuck's world there is ONLY number one.
• In Chuck Norris' world there really are 10 kinds of people - Chuck Norris and those who can't count in binary.
• The C in E=mc2 stands for Chuck Norris
• Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.
• Chuck Norris actually parted the Red Sea for Moses, and he did it with a steely glare.
• Kevlar has only one one thousandth the ability of Chuck norris chest hair to deflect bullets
• Chuck Norris mind tricks WILL work on Jabba the Hut
• Chuck Norris can use pi as exactly 3 and still get the correct answer. Chuck Norris is never wrong!
• Chuck Norris is the last digit of pi
• There was no UFO crash in Roswell. It was just Chuck Norris playing with a frisbee.
• Light cannot escape from black holes. Black holes cannot escape from Chuck Norris.
• 97% of the mass of the universe is made up of Chuck Norris.
• The Crab Nebula is the aftermath of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking a star in 1054 A.D.
• The laws of thermodynamics do not apply to Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can solve the halting problem - a roundhouse kick to the input algorithm will always cause it to terminate.
• FTL travel is indeed possible - a roundhouse kick to your ass will send you flying at 300% speed of light.
• The Ultimate answer to Life, the Universe and Everything is...(You're not going to like it...)Is...42. The question is "how many people will simultaneously die if Chuck Norris sneezed in a crowded room."
• Chuck Norris can make a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. But he can still lift it.

• All your base are belong to Chuck Norris
• Chuck Norris once had a Magic Card duel with another player. The player casted a fireball that did 20 damage. Chuck Norris waved his finger and said "No,". He tapped two blue mana and countered the spell. He had a 6 of diamonds.
• The grunts are not running away from Master Chief, they are running away from Chuck Norris.
• Forward Unto Dawn wasn't destroyed by the portal, it was destroyed by Chuck Norris.
• The halos didn't kill the forerunners, Chuck Norris did.
• Master Chief was supposed to be named Master Chuck, but Chuck Norris didn't like the title "master"; he prefers the title god.
• Chuck Norris doesn't play canis cannem edit, he can get away with beating up kids in real life
• While playing Guitar Hero 3, Chuck Norris beat Through the Fire and the Flames, on expert, with his back turned, without touching the controller, on three consoles at the same time...perfectly.
• Chuck Norris doesn't wear steel capped boots; not because his toes are already harder than steel, but because nothing would dare fall on Chuck Norris' foot
• Real cowboys wear boots of made of real leather. Chuck Norris wears boots made of real cowboys.
• When Pyramid Head took off his hat, underneath was Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris doesn't use guns in Counter Strike. He uses his fists.
• Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
• Chuck Norris was going to be in a PS3 game, but there weren't enough pixels for his beard.
• When little boys get bored they put army men in weird positions. When Chuck Norris gets bored he puts dead bodies on the top of Mount Everest in weird positions.
• If you are on a football field and see Chuck Norris approaching, assume the fetal position. It makes it easier for him to kick you over the goalpost.
• Chuck Norris won the World Championship Poker Tournament holding only a five of hearts, a joker, a Pikachu, a blue four from the Uno game, and the instructions for a washing machine.
• Chuck Norris' ground moves can hit flying Pokémon.
• They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In the Library. With the Roundhouse Kick."
• If you spell "Chuck Norris" in Scrabble, you win... forever.
• Do you know what beats rock, paper, and scissors? That's right, Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris is so amazing he beat Kingdom of Paradise three years ago, and then totally scored with Shinbu.
• If you create a Chuck Norris Mii and play Wii games, you begin as Pro.
• Chuck Norris has never lost a game of chess. After his opening move, he always announced "Two seconds 'til."
• In Monopoly when Chuck Norris goes to jail, if he passes Go, he collects 200 dollars. And he is always the car. That's right, bitch. The car. This fact was later proven to be impossible. CHUCK NORRIS NEVER GOES TO JAIL!
• Nemesis, from Resident Evil 3, is Chuck Norris' pet.
• Chuck Norris caught 750 different Pokemon... on the first day the game was out. Using only one version. And he didn't care for the fact that there's only 493 nor the fact that they are split between 12 different versions. And three of them are Japanese.
• Chuck Norris is The Master Chief. He wears the visor because if the Covenant saw him coming, the game would end instantly.
• Chuck Norris can beat Pacman in 20 minutes. And no, he won't let you see the ending.
• All of the American Gladiators were failed experiments in cloning stem cells from eggs fertilized by Chuck Norris' sperm.
• Chuck Norris won a game of Connect Four with only 3 moves.
• Chuck Norris can beat Tetris just by looking at the cartridge.
• Chuck Norris managed to clear 5 rows in Tetris with one piece.
• Duel Monsters once issued a Chuck Norris card. It's kinda like Exodia, only it always ends up on top of the deck and forces itself onto the field in attack mode by sacrificing the rest of the deck (Chuck demands a fancy intro) and gives the opponent a roundhouse kick upon being activated. Only 4 were ever printed, and Seto Kaiba previously owned 3 of them. Being the stupid prick he is he attempted to rip the 4th one so no one could ever use it, only to receive a roundhouse kick to the face and die. The cards travel in a pack, and are feared by every duellist in the world.
• Chuck Norris does not need a Wii-mote. He simply stares at the screen.
• Ever wondered why Samus Aran always beats the crap out of a whole species, sentient or not? Yes, she was once impregnated by Chuck Norris. The child is Solid Snake.
• Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite him holding just a Joker, a 'Get out of Jail Free' Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, a library card, and a green 4 card from the game UNO.
• Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
• Chuck Norris plays Chinese Checkers using actual Chinese citizens as game pieces. They're happy to do it.
• The Berserker in Gears of War was originally Chuck Norris -- the developers changed this when he ate the Hammer of Dawn. Then he was inserted as a squad member. However, this made the Berserker too easy, as Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked it to pieces. Oh, and Chuck Norris eats the Kryll.
• Chuck Norris can swallow a Rubik's Cube and shit it out solved.
• Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat the brick wall in a game of tennis.
• At the end of a single-dice game, Chuck Norris needed a "6" to tie it. He rolled a "7".
• The seven Chaos Emeralds are really Chuck Norris' seven testicles.
• The Gigas from Skies of Arcadia were created by ancient civilizations in order to replicate Chuck Norris' power. Instead, they worked as more of a summoning ritual. He then wiped out said ancient civilizations. The Rain of Destruction is just Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kicks. Zelos had nothing to do with it. Even Vyse, who could run through the concrete wall at a nuclear power plant, couldn't touch Chuck.
• The Fused Shadows from the Twilight Kingdom were actually created by Chuck Norris in 3rd Grade Art class.
• Chuck Norris was one of the original bosses for the Megaman series, but was later removed when the creators discovered that he made the game unbeatable.
• All your base are belong to Chuck. You are on the way to destruction from roundhouse.
• Chuck Norris doesn't need a Golden Chocobo to go anywhere.
• Chuck Norris is so good at FIFA that he completed the entire career mode in 4 hours... using Yeovil.
• Lag was invented so that normal people might have a chance of beating Chuck Norris. It doesn't work.
• Chuck Norris NEVER loses The Game.
• Chuck Norris can solve any Sudoku by kicking the puzzle so hard that the guy who invented Sudoku calls him and gives him the answer.
• Chuck Norris took 6 hours to complete Metal Gear Solid. He only used the TV remote.
• When Chuck Norris uses Self-Destruct in Pokemon Stadium, he DOESN'T DIE!
• Chuck Norris can win both showcases in The Price is Right with a one dollar bid.
• When Chuck Norris took up tennis, they invented Pong.
• It is pitch black. A grue is likely to be eaten by Chuck Norris.
• At the end of 24, Chuck Norris kills Jack Bauer.
• When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Incredible Hulk. When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he turns into Chuck Norris. And then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the Hulk for copyright infringement.
• Chuck Norris beat Zork. All of them. Twice. And he didn't have to go past the title screen to do it.
• Chuck Norris successfully revived Aeris in FFVII, and no, he will not tell you how.
• In FFX, Chuck Norris is Sin. And Auron. And Yunalesca. And Kimarhi. Yes, he kicked his own ass. But only to prove how hard he was.
• Long ago, one of Chuck Norris's many testicles began behaving strangely by absorbing anything that came near it. Chuck removed it. Upon removal it gained a form of sentience. We now know it as Kirby.
• Chuck Norris took part in the last Burp Competition. It happened in 1986 near a town named Chernobyl.
• Chuck Norris doesn't need the Golden Gun to kill you in one shot. In fact, he doesn't even need a gun to kill you, he just stares at you and you die a horrible death.
• Chuck Norris can get a blackjack with one card.
• Chuck Norris once won the "funniest person" and the "most serious person" competitions at the same time. How? He told a joke, which is so funny it's not even funny.
• Chuck Norris plays WoW. That's why mortality in U.S. has gone down in last few years
• Chuck Norris was originally a member for Organization XIII until he raped the heartless in their heart-holes.
• In WoW, Chuck Norris can Move the Immovable Object and Stop the Unstoppable Force. He can also solo Naxxramas, naked, with a mining pick.
• When Chuck Norris uses Roundhouse Kick, a Fighting type move, on a Ghost-type Pokémon, it is still a one-hit KO on the Ghost Pokémon. And the Pokémon in the Trainer's Pokéballs. AND the Trainer.
• When a Trainer attempted to use a Master Ball to capture Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris broke free without the Ball even shaking once. He proceeded capture said trainer by eating him, and forced his Pokédex to register him.
• Chuck Norris doesn't need to do a barrel roll.
• Chuck Norris has been playing Metroid Prime 5 on his Wii since 1983.
• The song "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was written as Chuck Norris' theme song
• In Street Fighter II, Chuck Norris was originally supposed to be a character. But there was a glitch in which every attack move was a one hit kill roundhouse kick. So they took him out. Chuck Norris responded to this by saying, "That's no glitch."
• As a child, Chuck Norris liked to play tennis. There were no survivors.
• When Chuck Norris plays soccer, the ball doesn't go towards the goal. The goal goes to Chuck Norris.
• When you type in " cheat/<Chuck Norris>" in a game of Rise of Nations, Chuck Norris will appear on screen and roundhouse kick your opponent. Then you unlock Chuck Norris as a nation. When you use the Chuck Norris nation, you will only have Chuck Norris, and you will only NEED Chuck Norris. If you proceed to use any cheats while you have Chuck Norris, you will be roundhoused for thinking you needed cheats.
• Chuck Norris can roll a natural 20 on a D4
• In WoW, many characters are named after Chuck Norris, but always get wtf-pwned, because there is only ONE Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris played Doom in the Nightmare level, without being hit. All of them.
• A woman once used Chuck Norris in a game of Scrabble. She scored 708,596,213 points, won the game, and gave birth to his child 5 minutes later.
• Chuck Norris won the world cup of soccer in 1995. Both his legs were broken at the time for roundhouse kicking his own legs out of boredom during the game, he was the only one on his team, and there were snipers in every seat in the stadium. He did the same thing for hockey, football and genocide.
• Chuck Norris once played a game of roulette in a casino and bet on blue. He won.
• Chuck Norris kicked Seto Kaiba's billionaire ass in Duel Monsters on the very first turn. (Probably with the Valkyrion combo, but no one knows, because everyone who saw it, died.)
• Screw the rules, Chuck Norris is roundhouse-kicking you!
• Attention duellists! Chuck Norris is roundhouse-kicking you! In America!
• Chuck Norris unlocked Johnny Cage in MK: Deception.
• He then proceeded to use Johnny Cage to fight Motaro, who was being played by the infamous PWNER. He beat Motaro's ass so hard he split into a man and a horse.
• PWNER claims he is still the king of video games. He better be, 'cause it's all he can do since Chuck Norris paralyzed him for saying it.
• Chuck Norris doesn't care to play Mortal Kombat. He prefers to rip people's spines out in real life.
• When Chuck Norris plays the game, he wins. If you ever beat Chuck Norris at the game, you obviously don't know the rules.
• Chuck Norris does not need a glitch to unlock every pokemon
• Chuck Norris actually holds the longest bunt in history at 7000ft.
• Chuck Norris once kicked a football. Today, we call it Halley's comet.
• Lacey McCullough IS Chuck Norris. (NOT SILAS)
• In Gears of War, There is no satellite for the Hammer of Dawn. Chuck Norris is the Hammer of Dawn.
• The Triforce split into 3 shards after Ganon asked it to kill Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris became the Ultimate Pokemon Master with only a Magikarp, and only using Splash.
• The 1985 Nintendo classic was once going to be called "Super Chuck Norris" but despite the programmers' best efforts, upon sight of the hero, Bowser JUMPED into the lava. Always.
• Chuck Norris beat Guitar Hero on Expert without even touching the guitar controller. He also hit every single note in every song. At the same time.
• In Unreal Tournament, the last killing spree possible after "Godlike" is "Chuck Norris like", but no one's ever gotten it because it requires 5 billion kills in a row rather than 30. Chuck Norris gets it in every match.
• Chuck Norris was supposed to be in Super Smash Brothers, but his roundhouse kick killed everyone else 99 times.
• Chuck Norris can make NES games look like Wii quality by touching the cartridge. (Yet, everyone can do that, because there's no difference, but Chuck Norris does it better)
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Heroscape in one turn with only one Airborne Elite against Charos, the Deathwalker 9000, Crug, and Kee-Mo-Shi.
• In Magic: The Gathering, Chuck Norris is a Summon-Legend Artifact who can end the game on the first use. Too bad no one has been able to collect the two hundred mana needed to activate him.
• Chuck Norris was a summonable character in many RPGs, but made games too easy because of the 1-hit KOs against final bosses.
• Chuck Norris evolved a Hitmonlee and named it HitmonNorris. Each time it used a Roundhouse kick, all Pokemon, including Ghost-types, are 1-hit KOed.
• In Castlevania, the Vampire Killers only kill Dracula so that he can revive back to torment them a few years later. However, Chuck Norris' beard permanently swallows the entire castle and its inhabitants, Dracula included.
• Chuck Norris beats Nintendo DS games with his beard.
• The number of objects rolled into a Katamari ball equals Chuck's sperm count.
• Each time someone types in "Chuck Norris" in the XBox 360, it creates the Red Rings of Doom. Each time his name was used in vain, the console explodes.
• Chuck Norris can simply perfect pass every song in Para Para Paradise by Roundhouse Kicking.
• The Chuck Norris Mii NEVER LOSES!!
• Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Soul Edge, splitting its fragments all over the world. Now, every character in Soul Caliber II has it.
• Chuck Norris uses Black Lotus Extract as a condiment.
• Chuck Norris does not need clipping mode to go through walls, they just get out of his way.
• Chuck Norris doesn't need to disable the shield generators for Titan Transports. They automatically scuttle.
• Chuck Norris can win every video game ever made (be it past, present, or future) just by pressing the start button.
• Chuck Norris can win the first battle against Bowser in Paper Mario, in one move and under 10 seconds.
• Chuck Norris can hold more than 6 cards during a game of Duel Monsters without the need for the "Infinite Hand" Spell Card.
• Chuck Norris plays Russian Roulette with a fully loaded Magnum. And wins.
• Chuck Norris can defeat the "Invincible Tubba Bubba" without having to fight his heart in Paper Mario.
• In Dynasty Warriors they found out Lu Bu was too wimpy so they replaced him with Chuck Norris but it made the game unbeatable.
• Cloud from Final Fantasy may have a big sword but Chuck Norris has a bigger penis.
• Obi-Wan said "That's no moon, that's Chuck Norris".
• (Attention! It's all a big plot! Chuck Norris didn't do anything mentioned above! He's just... OH MY GOD! NO! *the sound of a guy getting vaporized by a Roundhouse kick*)
• Chuck Norris beat Halo 3 on Legendary by implanting himself into the game. He beat it just by using a box of toothpicks, shaving cream, an empty Battle Rifle, his feet/fists, and replaced the Gravity Hammer with a Scorpion tank. He now uses 343 Guilty Spark as a robot butler and a coffee table.
• There was supposed to be a Reginorris, but as you know it instantly pwned all the pokemon trainers and their pokemon in all of every version, including the hidden 1st generation games Orange, Pink, and Purple. He also destroyed all the items.
• In the Legend of Jack Sparrow, Chuck Norris would've been a boss if he didn't have 10 HP bars that went down 1 millimeter with a Super Flaming Cutlass.
• Chuck Norris was supposed to be in Final Fantasy VIII but he roundhouse kicked all of the other characters off of the disc and now that original copy has been renamed, it is known as SkyNet
• Even Chuck Norris loves the Weighted Companion Cube
• In Wolfenstein Enemy Territory; Chuck Norris killed every single person playing with only 1 shot from a pistol. Some admins were on and attempted to ban him for "hacking". He then proceeded to Roundhouse kick them all out of existence.
• Sonic the Hedgehog might go at the speed of sound but Chuck Norris goes at the speed of Norris.
• Chuck Norris and Captain Falcon were in a fight. When Captain Falcon's Falcon Punch and Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick met, the world exploded because it couldn't contain the awesomness.
• Chuck Norris CAN in fact beat Minus World in Super Mario Bros.
• Chuck Norris can AAA every DDR song with a Guitar Hero controller
• In Super Smash Bros. Brawl there was going to be a Chuck Norris assist trophy, but it would be a one hit KO to everyone.
• In Earthbound the meteor that Ness got his PSI powers was actually one of Chuck Norris' testicles.
• Kraid is Chuck Norris' pet gerbil.
• Chuck Norris can destroy the Hydra in one hit and Kirby all at one time.
• All of Chuck Norris' attacks are final smashes.
• Chuck Norris did infact beat every video game including ones that arent out yet.
• When Chuck Norris plays Animal Crossing, he automatically starts with a huge house.
• Chuck Norris gives Darkrai nightmares.
• Chuck Norris can bring the Weighted Companion Cube with him.
• When Chuck Norris plays Animal Crossing and forgets to save his game, Mr. Resetti will NOT come after he resets.
• During a fight against Chuck Norris, Kirby has managed to absorb him and copy his powers. A second later Kirby inflated and exploded only to reveal Chuck Norris that said: "Nobodoy copies Chuck Norris, Bitch!"
• When Chuck Norris played Super Mario Bros. he reached Bowser so fast that he didn't kidnap Peach yet.
• When Chuck Norris heard that he is not in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, he got so mad that he added tripping into the game.
• Meta Knight once had revenge on Chuck Norris but, seeing as it is impossible to get revenge on him, he took his revenge to Dream Land.
• Chuck Norris can beat Pikmin 2 without any Pikmin.
• When Chuck Norris plays Donkey Kong, there are no barrels or firebugs.
• Ultimate Emerl can't beat Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can play as the Alloys in Super Smash Bros. Brawl without using an Action Replay code.
• Chuck Norris is actually unlockable in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, but in order to unlock him you need to defeat classic mode on intense, without taking a single hit, one stock only, without continuing, under two minutes, as Mewtwo!
• Ken challenged Chuck Norris to a game of Super Smash Bros. Melee. Ken picked Marth and Chuck Norris picked Mewtwo, Ken laughed at him but started to cry and ran away like a pussy after Chuck Norris defeated him without taking a single hit, this was the first time Chuck Norris has played Super Smash Bros. Melee.
• A kid once told Chuck Norris that Duke Nukem is more badass than him. That's the reason why Duke Nukem Forever is taking forever to be released.
• Tabuu might be tough, but Chuck Norris doesn't think so. Only pussies have butterfly wings.
• Chuck Norris has two master balls. They are in his pants. (though he could make more by working out)
• In Joy Mech Fight, Chuck Norris is an unlockable character. His only move is a OHKO roundhouse kick to the face.
• When Chuck Norris plays Super Mario Bros, he doesn't need to kill the goombas. They just kill themselves.
• The Subspace Gunship is actually Chuck Norris' baseball bat. It is his smallest bat.
• Arceus is Chuck Norris' pet gerbil.
• Chuck Norris CAN unlock Mewtwo in Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
• Ever wondered why Ragnell, Ike's sword from the Fire Emblem series is so strong? That is because the blade is made from Chuck Norris' bucktooth.
• Chuck Norris can actually make music using air guitar.
• Chuck Norris already AAA every Flash Flash Revolution song, including Vertex Beta Vrofl, with his penis.
• When Chuck Norris plays Starfox, he carries his Landmaster and wins.
• Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the Ice Climbers who made it to the top first. It was Chuck Norris.
• While Cloud's omnislash gives 9999 damage for a couple of times and easily decimate some bosses in the game, Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick ends the game at the first use.
• Chuck Norris can pay off the debt in Animal Crossing before he gets off the train.
• Why does paper beat rock? Because this paper has a picture of Chuck Norris on it.
• In all of the Suikoden games, Chuck Norris gave birth to all of the 108 Stars of Destiny by round-house kicking the stars.
• Guitar Hero only has one song, the sound of a round-house kick from Chuck Norris

• If a tree falls down but nobody is around, CHUCK NORRIS HEARS IT.
• Chuck Norris lives on the surface of the sun.
• Chuck Norris only has clones because ALL of his genes are dominant
• On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
• After getting a splinter, Chuck became so enraged that he declared vendetta on trees and sent out his lumberjack sperm to deforest South America. Now forests know better, so when Chuck passes by, they save him the trouble and burst into flame on their own.
• Gun don't kill Chuck Norris. Nothing kills Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris will bring balance to the Force IS the Force.
• Chuck Norris once slept in a volcano, the next day he had a slight tan, but only because he wanted to.
• When Chuck Norris breaks wind, California has an earthquake.
• The rising of the tide is in direct correlation with Chuck Norris' heartbeat... so is your Mom's menstrual cycle.
• Chuck Norris does not have to mow his lawn. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow.
• Chuck Norris used to work as a lumberjack in what used to be the Sahara forest
• Chuck Norris was the first man on the moon. Want proof? Look at all 'dem craters.
• When Chuck Norris pees while the wind faces him, the wind changes direction.
• Not a huge lover of nature, Chuck Norris once killed a cloud. (It was shaped like a bunny).
• Diamond was believed to be the hardest object on earth, until they saw Chuck Norris' erection.
• Chuck Norris sculpted the entire grand canyon in two days, surviving on nothing but arsenic and faeces, all using only his left buttocks.
• The first thing Neil Armstrong saw on the moon was a rock, in which was etched, "Chuck Norris was here."
• Sharks don't live in the ocean because they have gills. Sharks live in the ocean because Chuck Norris doesn't.
• After a 42,000 oz. Mountain Dew, Chuck Norris whizzed on a nearby bush. It sprouted legs and had sex with the nearest dog. The resulting child was the first pirate.
• Chuck Norris doesn't clip his fingernails. He simply holds them back with the strength of his cuticles.
• Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a herd of horses. Their descendants are known today as giraffes.
• Light can't escape a black hole's gravitational pull. Black holes can't escape Chuck Norris' gravitational pull.
• Chuck Norris Once had a Craving For Dodo Meat
• Who are Chuck Norris' parents? Might, Justice, and Cunning; yes, all three.
• Chuck Norris' sperm cells don't swim. They FLY.
• Chuck Norris once gave a mammogram to Mother Nature. She loved it too, the dirty cow.
• When the Sun burns out Chuck Norris will be the alternative method of energy.
• Why is the sky blue? Yeah, you guessed it.
• Even that bloke who dug Lake Geneva was impressed when Chuck Norris killed the (now) Dead Sea.
• If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around, rest assured that Chuck Norris heard it... because he caused it to fall.
• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
• After Steve Irwin died, Chuck Norris personally travelled the globe, and impaled every stingray with his own, personal Chuck Norris stinger. Although he has the power to bring Steve back, Chuck Norris chooses not to, as Irwin must await in Valhalla for the day upon which Chuck Norris will summon those warriors who will join him in battle against Bizarro Norris. Chuck Norris affectionately calls these warriors, "Cheerleaders."
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
• The Loch Ness Monster is just one of Chuck Norris' bathtub toys.
• No man's an island. Except Chuck Norris... He's Australia
• The continental divide is a myth, all water flows towards Chuck Norris.

• Ships disappear when they enter the Bermuda Triangle is because Chuck Norris hates it when someone enters his vacation resort without permission.
• Chuck Norris creates hurricanes and tornadoes just by spinning once. The strength is randomly chosen.
• All roads don't lead to Rome... They all lead to Chuck Norris.
• Until recently, it was thought that diamonds were made of carbon. However, after finding shards of Tom Cruise's bones in such a gem, scientists have concluded that diamonds are Chuck Norris' faecal matter.
• There are no such things as orgasms, they are just brief periods of time in which Chuck Norris takes over
• The water level isn't rising because of global warming. It's because Chuck Norris' cottage is not near the sea
• The Great San Francisco Earthquake was actually Chuck Norris throwing an atom on the floor.
• Yes, he can pick up an atom.
• When Chuck Norris jumps into the water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.
• A meteor did not kill the dinosaurs, Chuck Norris ate them all.
• The only things that will survive Armageddon are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.

• Lions hunt in groups, Chuck Norris hunt groups of lions alone.
• Damien is stronger than Bruce Lee, Superman, Godzilla, and the Incredible Hulk, put together. Unfortunately he is also the biggest cock head in the world, moments after writing this Chuck Norris ate him.
• Chuck Norris is feared by sharks, they call him Great White Chuck.
• They will never find the missing link, because Chuck Norris has them for breakfast.
• A cheetah can run to 65 mph. Chuck Norris can run 65c (times the speed of light).
• Chuck Norris is the only man ever to have had sex with Mother Nature. It, apparently, was 'awesome'. The only problems reported involved wood chips.
• Sobe No Fear is the closest scientists have come to synthesizing Chuck Norris's sweat.
• Scientists decided to test the theory of what happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object with the real world example of what happens when Chuck Norris meets Chuck Norris. The findings were lost when all immediate observers were killed in what more distant observers described as a supernova suplexing a black hole.
• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down
• Chuck Norris once vacationed in the Virgin Islands. Since then, they are called "The Islands".
• The Dead Sea is so called because Chuck Norris once swam in it.
• Chuck Norris once round house kicked a volcano and bam there was Hawaii
• Chuck Norris once sneezed and caused a hurricane
• Chuck Norris is a Natural Disaster
• Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can make running water walk.
• Sharks can't stop swimming, its not because they can't, it because they're afraid Chuck Norris is out swimming in again.
• Chuck Norris once stared at the sun so hard that after a few second the sun got scared shitless that it crapped out the moon, thus creating night.
• When only an infant, Chuck Norris was discovered in the wilds of Yellowstone National Park. The wolves are only now beginning to recover their numbers, and still are critically endangered.
• Before science it was believed that the trees in the forest lost their leaves because Chuck Norris kicked all the trees in the world, at once.
• Whenever Chuck Norris enters a desert, 700 lakes instantly appear, because if they don't Chuck will roundhouse it.
• Chuck Norris can end all droughts. He just looks at the clouds, and they cry.
• Chuck Norris is no tree-hugger, he's a tree-roundhouse-kicker.
• When Chuck Norris slept during Mercury's night (on Mercury, of course) he woke up hot in the very middle.
• Chuck Norris and Mr.T once had a staring contest so intense, that all people within a 5 mile radius instantly became sterile.
• Chuck Norris once killed all the creatures from Middle Earth with one roundhouse kick, even the hobbit Andrew Buss.
• Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a pile of sand after being double-crossed by a merchant from Pompeii. The resultant effect came to be known as Vesuvius.
• Chuck Norris once had ferocious sex with The Unstoppable Force. The resultant offspring is commonly referred to as Cal-El.

• Chuck Norris. That is the shortest and most awe-inspiring sentence in the english language.
• Chuck Norris advocates teaching atheism in schools.
• Chuck Norris didn't get lucky on prom night, prom night got lucky when Chuck Norris called the hotel...
• When Chuck Norris' mom told him to study for the test, the greatest mistake in the universe has been committed.
• Chuck Norris does not ask for advice. Advice asks for Chuck Norris.
• When Chuck Norris reads a bedtime story you sleep forever.
• Chuck Norris once...(The author of this comment was found murdered in his dorm room before submitting this post. If any anyone has any information about this murder please visit this website WWW.FBI.GOV. We believe the killer may be... The FBI officer who was posting this comment was found murdered in his office before finishing this post. If any anyone has any information about this murder please visit this website WWW.FBI.GOV. We believe the killer may be Chuck...) This is the head of the FBI... There are dead bodies everywhere, Chuck , If you killed these men I swear I will...
• Kids in college smoke marijuana. Chuck Norris smokes kids...
• Chuck Norris graduated from the University of Pennsylvania's School of Bad-ass-ed-ness. The school was later demolished because it would be impossible to produce a greater student - apart from the statue of him outside, which was impossible to scratch.
• Someone once tried to deface the statue. The person was roundhouse kicked by the statue before it returned to its original position, unmarked.
• You may be smarter than Chuck Norris,but he can beat you 'till you are not!
• Chuck Norris invented spoons because knives were too easy to kill with.
• There is no entry for "Roundhouse Kick" in the dictionary because Webster was killed after he asked Chuck to demonstrate it.
• The government decides who lives and who dies, Chuck Norris decides who is born
• Chuck Norris holds a degree in thermonuclear physics, and can create fusion in the gas tank of his SUV.
• Children light ants on fire for fun. Chuck Norris lights children on fire for fun--using ants.
• Chuck Norris never learns. He already knows.
• Pi used to be 4. But Chuck got bored with it, so he beat it into the shape we now know.
• Chuck Norris built Rome in a day, and destroyed it in ten seconds.
• Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, Horses are hung like Chuck Norris
• Chuck Norris caused continental drift by roundhouse kicking Pangaea in the face.
• Chuck Norris went through the IB program...four times. And he didn't do a single CAS hour, bitch.
• The iceberg sank the Titanic; Chuck Norris sank the iceberg
• In Ancient Egyptian history, it was Chuck Norris who killed King Tut.
• Chuck Norris eats a puppy every time you edit Uncyclopedia. There goes one now.
• Chuck Norris impales a Nazi every time you edit Uncyclopedia. EDIT: death to the Nazis!
• No man's an island. Except Chuck Norris... He's Australia.
• Contrary to what you've heard from the Cookie Monster, "C" is actually for Chuck Norris.
• And contrary to what you've learned from any other episode of Sesame Street, every letter is for Chuck Norris. Every number is for Chuck Norris. Everything is for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris taught bad-assedry to some hot women. They are the Amazons.
• In school, Chuck Norris did not consult books. Books consulted Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris originally taught "Kick Yo' Ass 101" at Steelballs University but was fired for being too tough on the students. Chuck agreed with the decision, but melted the school governor's face with his breath because of his insolence.
• Chuck Norris was the founder of The Roundhouse Kick.
• Spelling transcends Chuck Norris - Every combination of letters that is used in a phrase featuring Chuck Norris is automatically a correctly spelled word.
• Chuck Norris does not read books, he stares at them until he gets the information he wants.
• There is a book entitled "How to Escape from Dangerous Animals." The page entitled "Escaping from Chuck Norris" simply says: "Good luck!"
• Chuck Norris speaks only three languages: violence, roundhouse kicks, and English. He only uses the third on the worst of situations.
• July 4th is Independence Day because Chuck Norris lets America be free for one day.
• Chuck Norris broke the fourth and fifth walls, with his fist!
• If you look in Chuck Norris' dictionary, under "S", you wont find the word "Survivor".. because in Chuck's world, THERE ARE NO SURVIVORS!
• Chuck Norris is ready for the test, but the test, unfortunately, wasn't ready for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris served in the second Vietnam destroyed the Vietnamese leader "George Foreman" and ending the war in two days with only a pair of toe nail clippers, a butter knife, some shoe string, Dr.Phil's right testical, and Martha Stewart....George Foreman had only this to say after the war "I don't know what hit me. Also, try my new communist nuke's. They blow the fat right out of ya!"
• Every theory of evolution or creation is false. How the earth was really created was by Chuck Norris round-housed the empty void known today as our universe. The universe isn't a solid, and therefore could not be actually kicked, you say? Try telling that to Chuck Norris. He'll set you straight.
• Alternately, every other theory about how the universe came to be that has to do with Chuck Norris is also true. You know why? 'Cause he's a bad-ass. Seriously. Make one up right now. Then, go to Chuck Norris' house and ask him to take you back in time to see how the universe is created. Of course, in order to do so he would have to perform a round-house kick on your face, which you would not survive. You would still see how the universe was actually created, but then you'd be boned.
• Many students today learn that people immigrated around the world because of Chuck Norris. They're right.
• Chuck Norris was to be on the 1,000,000 dollar bill, but he roundhoused the mint because they took a bad photo.

• Chuck Norris is a Christian, a Poser Christian.
• The Red Sea had Chuck Norris until the sharks came
• Chuck Norris doesn't go to heaven. He goes to imagine land after he smoked some Marijuana.
• Jesus wears a "Chuck Norris is my bitch" bracelet...
• Chuck Norris has the original signed Bible of Bullshit
• Chuck Norris is the God of gays.
• Chuck Norris wasn't perfect he was only following in the footsteps of Jesus
• Some people have tattoos of Jesus, Jesus has a tattoo of "Chuck Norris is a faggot".
• People would sell their souls to the devil. The devil made Chuck Norris sell his soul.
• Chuck Norris drinks water and pisses blood.
• May Chuck Norris have mercy on your soul.
• God didn't rest on the 7th day, because Chuck Norris was in there waiting for him,nude.
• Chuck Norris doesn't walk on water, because he can't
• Chuck Norris has the only known photographs of a naked Eve. And they're signed.
• Chuck Norris was the one who actually ate the forbidden fruit, but instead,it was a poisoned Apple.
• For Chuck Norris, there is always room at the inn for blowjobs.
• When Abraham asked for a son, Chuck Norris said that he would have a son. Isaac's wife, Rebeccah, gave birth to a bearded baby. Abraham pawned off the baby and asked God instead.
• When Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Vin Diesel went to Heaven, all the angels wondered where they would sit. Mr. T took his position at the right hand of God and Vin at the left. Chuck Norris looked at God and said, "Can i do you a blowjob?"
• There was going to be the holiday of Chuckmas, but Mr. Nigger preferred Chucknukah. The celebration of the one Dickslam power that lasted eight nights.
• Mormons claim that Chuck Norris came to the new world, it was actually no one
• Chuck Norris Evolved from Satan.
• When Chuck Norris says jump, God says how high.
• After death, there is life. Before death, there is Chuck Norris doing handjobs.
• Most religious people believe. Chuck Norris knows.
• Chuck Norris prefer to go to hell when he die, so he can do blowjobs to Satan every time.
• Atheists don't believe in God nor Chuck Norris, this is thanks to Chuck Norris and his religious bullshit.
• When Chuck Norris decided to become a missionary, the first country he visited was Soviet Union during the Cold War. In there he was ass-kicked so hard.
• Chuck Norris once took a dump after eating a meximelt from taco bell. It was radio active and use as a fuel source.
• Chuck Norris can't die because God doesn't want him in heaven(because he thinks he will make every one gay on heaven) and Satan is afraid he will do him blowjobs.
• The Bible was originally named "Chuck Norris is an overrated faggot"
• Sure, Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through the earth. But it was not impressive,because Odie already did.
• Jesus walked on water, Chuck Norris walked on Jesus. But everyone can walk on Jesus.
• God *technically* destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, by calling in a favour Chuck Norris owed him
• when asked about the aforementioned favour that he owed God, Chuck will have no comment, only a Dickslam Power.
• Chuck Norris is a faithful Christian, which is to say he wants bibles to be on schools so the kids will think that a bunch of Christians discovered America.
• Chuck Norris was the fourth Overrated asshole. He gave baby Jesus the gift of niceness. Jesus wore it proudly until his dying day. The other three Wise Men, angered by Jesus' favoritism, had Chuck Norris removed from the Bible.
• God created the Earth. Chuck Norris created Idiocity.
• Moses split the Red Sea. Then Chuck Norris appeared and asked for marriage.
• It wasn't Moses that caused the Nile river to turn to blood, it was Chuck Norris' blood because Chuck Norris just happened to wrestle an alligator in it during that time.
• Jesus turned water into wine, but Chuck Norris turned wine into cum. This is because he was watching gay porn and masturbated.
• Chuck Norris was the real person to come out of Jesus' tomb after three days of fucking Jesus.
• If you say Chuck Norris three times after midnight...Somewhere in the world...An heterosexual dies.
• The only man alive who can defeat Chuck Norris is Ninja Pirate Jesus. However, Chuck is still weaker than regular Jesus. Chuck Norris was found dead shortly. EVERY ONE CAN BEAT CHUCK NORRIS WHY JUST ONE PUNCH.
• Jesus' birthday is not on December 25, but 24. But one year, Chuck Norris gave Jesus a birthday card on the 25, and Jesus was too brave to tell him he was wrong.
• Thou shalt not Dickslam. That's Chuck Norris's job.
• All of those capitalized "He's" and "Him's" in the Bible actually refer to "Chuck Norris is overrated".
• Chuck Norris does not covet his neighbor's wife. He's through with her.
• And on the first day GOD said "Let there be light," and Chuck Norris said "Please no! I want to fuck this man!"
• Death is the reason of why Chuck Norris is a wussy.
• If you ever find Eve, tell her she's mad for having sex with Chuck for me.. oops Dickslammed
• People pray to God for forgiveness. Chuck Norris pray to G4yl0rd for a man to have sex

• Chuck Norris does NOT have a dick and balls. Unzipping his pants will reveal more fists!
• Chuck Norris gave himself a Tonsillectomy... with a chainsaw.
• His shit holds a black belt in smelliness. The smell holds a black belt.
• His piss also holds a black belt and is highly corrosive. Hope he does not piss or shit on you!
• His FARTS holds a black belt
• What's the lethal dose of Chuck Norris? ANY DOSE!!!
• Chuck Norris doesn't get AIDS. AIDS gets Chucknorrisitis. And dies.
• Chuck Norris is a proctologist. He cures constipation by kicking the shit out of you.
• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer and HIV. Too bad he has never cried, never.
• Chuck Norris has an addiction to the drug 'roundhouse kick'. When someone told him to see someone about it, well, you can guess what happened...
• To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 seconds.
• Chuck Norris' DNA is not double helix. It is a double roundhouse.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
• Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth; he simply pours Listerine into his vodka twice a day.
• Chuck Norris' sweat is powerful enough to burn holes through solid steel, but luckily his skin is too hard for him to perspire.
• Chuck Norris once gave his cell phone a brain tumor.
• Phobias are afraid of Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet (110V, making him safe for use on site).
• Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris does.
• Chuck Norris has his own brand of sleeping pills. The only ingredients are his fists and your face.
• When Chuck Norris went to donate blood, he declined a syringe and instead asked for a bucket and a handgun... the blood was later used to fuel 3 nuclear bombs.
• Chuck Norris' hair stops growing at Chuck's word.
• Chuck Norris can split a razor blade down the center--with his thumb.
• Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".
• Chuck Norris invented heart disease because he wanted to spend more time sleeping with women.
• Being near Chuck Norris for extended periods of time has been clinically proven to cause cancer.
• When people are constipated, doctors tell them they are going to send them to see Chuck Norris - it literally scares the shit out of them.
• Chuck Norris will perform brain surgery on you, before you even know you need it.
• Chucknorriphobia: The fear of getting kicked in the face by Chuck Norris. All human's have Chucknorriphobia. There is no cure. And it's always lethal.
• Chuck Norris is never ill (but he is sick, uh oh...Roundhoused). Sorry, he is never ill or "under the weather".
• If you wake up in the morning it's because Chuck Norris spared you.
• Chuck Norris may reanimate the dead if he so pleases, but only to kick their ass again.
• Bacteria don't attack Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris attacks bacteria.
• The person who made the last entry is now in the hospital with roundhouse-related injuries.
• The person who made the last entry is now geography. And the scenery is suffering from "having someone's spleen being fired by a roundhouse kick launching into buildings" related injuries.
• Chuck Norris once created his own kind of flu, it's called Ebola.
• Chuck Norris is known as Bernard Matthews in the UK.
• When Chuck Norris has surgery, they apply the anesthesia to the surgeons.
• The leading cause of death is Chuck Norris. Oh wait, it's the only cause of death.
• Chuck Norris is the only person to EVER survive an abortion. For good measure, he ate the doctor alive shortly afterward.
• Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
• Chuck Norris can turn shit into gold. But only shit of other people. Cause his shit is already gold.
• Chuck Norris is immortal. This is because he is immune to all human maladies. Also, he roundhouse kicked Death in the face.
• Chuck Norris once drank an entire bottle of Sleeping Pills. They made him blink.
• Chuck Norris had a twin, but Chuck Norris killed him while they were still in the womb, just to watch him die.
• Chuck Norris' dick holds a black belt.
• Chuck Norris himself does not have aids, but he can give it to whoever he wants.
• Chuck Norris has never had a heart attack, as his heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.
• An extremely poisonous snake once bit Chuck Norris. After three weeks of unbearable suffering, the snake died.
• Chuck Norris can heal from any wound but since he is invincible his healing power is useless.
• Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad. And his mom.
• Chuck Norris does not have skin; instead, he is covered in innumerable tiny fists.
• Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just never his own.
• For some the left testicle is larger than the right, for Chuck Norris each testicle is larger than the other.
• Chuck Norris's chemo is in to way related to leukemia; instead, it is putting you outta yo' misery. Forever.
• Chuck Norris has an uncuttable jugular vein. Only he can get to it, and he uses it to tame Golden Oozarus.

• Every time you clap, a fairy dies. Every time Chuck Norris claps, all remaining fairies die, get brought back to life, summoned to Chuck Norris, and roundhouse kicked in reverse orbit so fast they go back in time to 6 days ago, so Chuck Norris can do it all again.
• Gandalf let Chuck Norris pass.
• Chuck Norris had a wet dream, the ejaculated semen constructed the lost underwater city of Atlantis.
• Chuck Norris once forraged naked through the woods, from that day on, Big Foot no longer showed his face out of shame.
• Chuck Norris was Hercules in Ancient Greece, just using a diffent name to hide his identity from the Gods, who were so afraid of him.
• He was also Perseus. He turned Medusa into stone by having sex with her.
• Hercules is the son of Zeus. Zeus is the son of Chuck Norris
• Chuck Norris killed all the Unicorns because they were weak.
• Chuck Norris can make every prayer in the world come true. He's just too busy roundhouse kicking the shit out of the sinners.
• Greek science was just a metaphor for what Chuck Norris imprinted on people's heads with roundhouse kicks.
• The Spartans admitted that he 'showed promise'. Chuck Norris was touched by this, and only killed them very gently.
• Contrary to popular belief, there are five classical elements in the world: Earth, Fire, Air, Water and Chuck Norris.
• The Greeks believed that dreamers either passed through a Gate of Ivory that gave dreams of true things that would come to pass and a Gate of Horn that gave dreams of false illusions and fantasies...Few have the guts to go into the Gate of Chuck Norris' Raging Boner, which roundhouse kicks you so hard you die in your sleep. Sometimes it roundkicks you so hard, you go back in time so you die before you went to bed.
• Atlas isn't holding up the Earth. He's holding up Chuck Norris' left testicle. There isn't a lever long enough to hold up his right.
• Chuck Norris found ancient Rome's Vestal Virgins. They, like others he found, are no longer virgins, after he got to them.
• Minotaurs are the result of Chuck Norris Impregnating cattle.
• 'Ragnarok' is viking for 'crap, here comes Chuck Norris'
• Chuck Norris broke off the horns of all the unicorns existed, thus creating horses.
• Morpheus,the god of dreams, usually creates nightmares for petty mortals until they pissed their pants in their sleep. Morpheus however, pissed his pants when he dream about Chuck Norris.
• The legendary weapons were all made and forged by Chuck Norris's Beard. The list includes the Excalibur, Masamune, the BFG, the Master Sword and the Golden Nun-Chucks.
• There is no fiction on Chuck Norris, for He is Fact.
• Ever head of the Headless Horseman? He was once an ordinary Horseman. Until he met Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris saw Helen of Troy and said, "She's not pretty."
• Chuck Norris, while on Mars, kicked some mud from a puddle into the air. The mud later became Earth.
• Clouds don't rain. They weep, for fear of Chuck Norris.
• The CN Tower is the tallest building in the world. With those initials is it any wonder?
• Say what you want about Chuck Norris. Just know that he's listening.
• Chuck Norris once spent the night in the Lincoln Bedroom at the White House. Not because he was invited, but because he was tired and he felt like it.
• I believe the children are our future...and that Chuck Norris fathered them all.
• The Big Bang was caused by Chuck Norris clapping

• Chuck Norris herd u lieked Mudkipz. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick you in the face.
• There was once a digimon named Chucknorrismon. It had all the powers of Chuck Norris. But, alas, it was deemed too powerful seeing as it's only attack, Roundhouse-Kick, destoryed any opponent, so it was never shown.
• Chuck Norris is so awesome he can leet speak like www.learnleetspeak.com
• When Chuck Norris saw this list of lame and obscure anime references, he set out to roundhouse kick everybody who contributed to them.
• When Haruhi Suzumiya tries to create a new universe, the old one doesn't get destroyed. Chuck Norris eats it.
• Chuck Norris has OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAND inert balls in his other pants.
• Chuck Norris kicked Sesshomaru's ass without getting struck at least once.
• Chuck Norris can do two Falcon Punches. At the same time.
• Chuck Norris threw Kouga outta the Milky Way Galaxy.
• Freeza didn't destroy Planet Vegeta, Chuck Norris did.
• Chuck Norris is the only person who can become Super-duper-I'm-so-amazing-kick-yo-ass-saiyan.
• Chuck Norris can have more then 6 Pokemon with him.
• Chuck Norris can summon himself. Twice.
• There was supposed to be an eighth Homunculus based on the eighth deadly sin, but "mentioning the name of Chuck Norris without fear in your heart" was too long. Chuck Norris would have roundhouse kicked that homunculus anyways.
• Chuck Norris CAN do Human Transmutation without the Philosopher's Stone, because Chuck Norris isn't human.
• Chuck Norris can't transmute himself yet, meaning we are safe for now.
• First there was the Fullmetal Alchemist anime...Then Chuck Norris got bored with it and roundhouse kicked it to create a manga as well. Thus, the manga continues on, and the anime does not.
• Chuck Norris managed to alchemically modify his stomach to be like Gluttony's without the infinite hunger.
• Chuck Norris can captured a Zapdos in the Hidden Leaf Village, and nobody says a word. They're too afraid to.
• Someone once tried to draw a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. There was not enough paper in the world at the time to include all of the awesome.
• You think Naruto's a ninja?! You haven't met Chuck Norris. Dattebayo!
• Chuck Norris was the Zeroth Hokage of every country.
• Manda, Orochimaru's most powerful and bad-ass snake, once bit Chuck Norris. After three days of excruciating pain, Manda died.
• Chuck Norris can kick Kyuubi's and Shukaku's asses and still get home in time for tea.
• Chuck Norris INVENTED anime. He now regrets it.
• Chuck Norris is known for banging every female in existence, however his abilities stretch into non-existence and thus hentai was created.
• Chuck Norris doesn't need a Death Note to kill people. He stares at them.
• Chuck Norris doesn't need Shinigami Eyes to see people's lifespan. Those who meet Chuck Norris die just in two seconds.
• Chuck Norris power level is OVER NIIIIIIINEEEEEEEEE-THHHOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUSAAAAND!!!
• Eiichiro Oda based Poseidon and Pluton on Chuck Norris.
• Chakra was initially called Chuckra till Kishimoto was roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris is the reason that Yin and Yang split, scaring the crap out of Pan Ku.
• Yugi Moto places his faith in the heart of the cards. But the heart of the cards places its faith in Chuck Norris.
• When Goku powers up until his super saiyan 90000 form,he grows a beard and become Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can crush diamonds into liquid form.
• Chuck Norris possesses the eighth and strongest Millennium Item. It is known as the Millennium Roundhouse-Kick. The other 250 are Mr. T's Gold Chains.
• When Ilpalazzo gives Excel a mission against Chuck Norris, she FAILS...every time.
• The Norris No Jutsu can never be learned. Those who tried to learn such die instantly.
• Chuck Norris beat up the super saiyans with one word...(ugh).
• During a duel, Pegasus once tried to use his Millennium Eye to mind-read Chuck Norris. The eye shattered and killed Pegasus.
• Brock can never impress Nurse Joy nor Officer Jenny with his SudoWOODo because it's too small compared to Chuck Norris' wang.
• Chuck Norris had sex with Sailor Uranus. Sailor Uranus then gave birth to a planet.
• Chuck Norris IS THE GOD OF ANIME. Though he most likely doesn't watch it.
• Chuck Norris is the only person to be able to perform a human transition from nothing.
• In reality, there is a 9th chakra gate, called the Chuck Norris gate, in which the user can destroy all the Ninja villages, have sex with all the hot kunoichi in the world and have all the Bijuu as pets, but no one is fool enough to use it. Chuck would eat them.
• Chuck Norris sealed the Kyuubi inside himself, but he didn't die, he rather had sex and Naruto was born.
• Chuck Norris is the only person who can defeat the combined powers of Star Platinum and The World.
• It is said that the One Piece is actually the Chuck Chuck Fruit, but Gold Roger was roundhouse kicked by the fruit before he got the opportunity to eat it.
• It is rumored that the Chuck Chuck fruit is actually one of Chuck Norris' many testicles.
• Chuck Norris doesn't need a zanpakutō. Why? Because his penis can beat them any day.
• Chuck Norris' Bankai has been proven to kill every guy in a 100,000 mile radius. It also will make love to all nearby woman. However, Chuck is too much of a badass to use Bankai.
• Zangetsu's blade is made from Chuck Norris' toenails, that's why Ichigo never loses.
• Chuck Norris has spilled so many ninjas' blood, that he managed to get ALL the bloodline limits.
• Chuck Norris UNDERSTANDS the ending of Evangelion.
• Rena Ryuuguu CANNOT take Chuck Norris home with her.
• Dokuro-chan can revive you by chanting "Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi" after beating you to a bloody mess. Chuck Norris has no intention of reviving you after beating you to a bloody mess.
• also Dokuro-chan gets an explosive diarrhea if she looses her Halo. Chuck Norris gets a huge boner if he loose his Halo. (note that Chuck Norris don´t have a halo,).
• the fact stated above possibly seems an insult to chuck norris as you can´t see he´s got a boner, but as you all know, before he got his martial arts skill, he faught in the great Halo war "What are you talking about, dude? there are no great wars, they´re all horrible!" OK, He faught in the crappy Halo wars ”DUDE! Are you insulting halo?” OK, GOD DAMMIT! He faught in the F-ing halo war. OK? “That’s better” He faught in the halo wars and lost his right leg. He put´s his wang down the leg of his pants.
• Chuck Norris doesn't wear AT, he slides in the blood of his opponents.
• Chuck Norris was going to be selected for the program, but he got kicked out because it wouldn't be fair against the other students even if he didn't receive any supplies.
• Chuck Norris once attempted to create a creature that could defeat even himself in battle. He combined the strength of the Tiger, the stealth of the Panther, and his own sex drive. The creature was, unfortunately, a pacifist, so he transformed it into the first cat-girl.
• Chuck Norris doesn't whine when he pilots a Gundam.
• The reason Chuck Norris wore a mask in Mobile Suit Gundam and called himself Char Aznable was because the show would have ended in .05 picoseconds if he showed his face.
• Chuck Norris' blood kills Chiropterans on contact merely needs to glance in a Chiropteran's general direction, and it will un-exist instantly. The only reason the Red Shield recruited Saya, instead of him, was because it is impossible to pierce his skin and get to the blood. this also applies to everyone that ISN'T a Chiropteran.
• If Lelouch Lamperouge were to use his Geass to tell Chuck Norris to kill himself, the sheer power of Chuck's glare would turn the command back.
• Chuck Norris is the ruler of the universe because Goku failed to defeat him. He destroyed every planet that Frieza, Cell, and Buu meant to, and even discovered the end of space.
• Essence of Chuck Norris kicked Goku's ass.
• Chuck Norris is a duel monster with stats of OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!
• The reason why no one can see Shino's eyes is because he doesn't have eyes. Chuck Norris ripped them out.
• Chuck Norris taught Porygon how to give people seizures. Porygon then tried to give Chuck Norris a seizure but was quickly roundhouse kicked in the face. This is now why Porygon and it's evolutions don't appear anymore.
• All your base are belong to Chuck Norris.
• That someone who set up us the bombs was Chuck Norris. He also destroyed it with a swift roundhouse kick to the face.
• You have no chance to survive when you meet Chuck Norris. Hahaha.
• Chuck Norris can kill people using Sesshomaru's Tenseyga.
• Chuck Norris can make any Pokemon evolve just by staring at it and screaming "evolve, bitch!" this even works on non-evolving Pokemon such as Zapdos.
• Because Chuck Norris doesn't believe in theory of evolution, he roundhouse kick every Pokemon he sees.
• Bo-Bobo's Super Fist of the Nosehair is no match for Chuck Norris' Super Fist of the Roundhouse Kick.
• The Poke'mon Jinx tried to kiss Chuck Norris. Norris got so angry that he roundhouse kicked it, turning it and all other Jinx from black to purple.
• Chuck Norris laughs at Suzaku "Spinzaku" Kururugi's poor excuse for a roundhouse kick.
• lucy is the only Queen Diclonius because she is the !ONLY! daughter of chuck norris.
• Do you know why the Uchiha clan have red eyes? It's because Chuck Norris had roundhouse kicked their ancestor in the eye.

• Chuck Norris can eat lightning and crap thunder.dick

• Chuck Norris was originally cast in the movie Predator, but then the title would have been Predator vs. alien with a pointy stick.
• Chuck Norris CAN kill John McClane... With a Roundhouse kick!
• Chuck Norris has been in all 3 Final Destination movies. His Role in the movies? Death
• Chuck Norris didn't start the fire, but he sure as hell finished it.
• Chuck Norris was once invited to dancing with the stars.. he quickly declined, citing, "Dancing is for pussies..", and he immedietly proceeded to roundhouse kicking the producer who invited him to the show, in the head..
• George of the Jungle has to watch out for that tree, but that tree has to watch out for Chuck Norris.
• Clint Eastwood once said to Chuck Norris, 'Do you feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?', out of respect Chuck said, "Nobody calls me punk.." and roundhoused his punk calling ass, this is contrary to his usual of kicking right in head no warning routine.. Chuck Norris always has respect for the elderly.. remember that kids.
• The Force is NOT with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is the Force.
• Chuck Norris doesn't laugh, he sues.
• Chuck Norris owns all EIGHT books of the Harry Potter series.
• Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father. Chuck denies this, however, as the boy is too wimpy to be his spawn.
• Chuck Norris saw "Rebel Without a Cause" and HATED it. James Dean's death was NOT caused by a car accident.
• The movie "Bruce Almighty" was originally going to be "Chuck Almighty". But they changed the title because every time they shoot the final scene, the human race gets eradicated.
• The reason that Ashton Kutcher is so awesome is because Chuck Norris spared him.
• Chuck Norris has seen "I Am Legend" and immediately roundhouse kicked Will Smith's face for 2 reasons, 1: If there was going to be a human-eradicating virus, Robert Neville and Chuck Norris would be the survivors and 2: Only Chuck Norris can be legend.
• Chuck Norris is actually a rare species of turtle
• Chuck Norris taught the Vocaloids all of their songs, including and especially Ievan Polkka.
• Chuck Norris sang Ievan Polkka with a leek in hand. The leek became a celebrity afterwards.
• Chuck was originally cast for a member of the crew in the movie Alien, but turned it down when the producers suggested hed actually need a spacecraft, Chuck Norris could have hauled the Ore on his back while banging the alien queen herself
• Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass, he makes his own.
• If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
• Chuck Norris would have been the main character of the movie Kung-Fu Hustle but he was too strong.Then Chuck Norris killed everyone who helped with the making of the movie after it was made.He only spared the movie because it had all the Kung-Fu styles Chuck Norris mastered.Yet he hates the movie for being made by Japanese people.Now Chuck Norris is the god of Japanese people.
• Chuck Norris decided to challenge the Thing and the Hulk. All it took was one kick to win- and from then on, they were better known as Thulk.
• When Cthulu sees Chuck Norris, he goes insane.
• Cthulu taught Chuck Norris the roundhouse kick... After Chuck Norris taught Cthulu the roundhouse kick!
• Chuck Norris eats a Kellogg's cereal, Pieces of 8, for breakfast in the morning.
• Chuck Norris...sucks.
• The Band Disturbed used to be called I'm Fine until they saw Chuck Norris.
• The above person who typed that died by a roundhouse kick to the face. This person typing here will be next.
• Chuck Norris doesn't have to find da computer room, da computer room finds him.
• When the boogie man goes to sleep he checks his closet for chuck norris

• No one knows where Springfield (the one where the Simpsons live) is because that is where Chuck Norris goes to be alone. And no one wants to bother him during "Norris-time".
• Chuck Norris was originally considered for the lead role in 24. But after killing all of the terrorists in 12 minutes and 43 seconds, the producers decided to go with someone else.
• Once, Chuck Norris watched television. It insulted his upright Christian belief system, so he sued everyone who owned televisions and won.
• Chuck Norris is a dick (The person who wrote this is now dead).
• Chuck Norris killed the person who wrote the above fact. While he was at it, he killed this one too.
• Dale Gribble is paranoid because he thinks that Chuck Norris is after him.
• Chuck Norris shot J.R., killed Laura Palmer, perpetrated the Moldavian Massacre, and knows where the beef is. He ate it.
• Hank Hill has no butt because Chuck Norris kicked it off him when he was a child.
• The bunny was late...to Chuck Norris's foot rub.
• Chuck Norris got on a plane. The snakes said that, "Enough is Enough! We have had it with this motherfucking Chuck Norris on this motherfucking plane!" Chuck Norris now wears Snakeskin clothing worth several $1,000s US.
• Chuck Norris was going to be in Full House, but got kicked out after he demanded changing the series' name to Round House.
• Chuck Norris did see it coming on Johnny Test.

• The Tralfamadorians can't be seen, not because they live in the Fourth Dimension, but because they are hiding from Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris is what's eating Gilbert Grape.
• Remember the scene in Jurassic Park where the T-rex chased the car? The T-rex wasn't chasing the car, Chuck Norris was chasing the T-rex and the car.
• Chuck Norris once wrote a play called "The gay adventures of Mr.Shakespeare". He then decided plays were for pussies and roundhouse kicked the script out of existence.
• The Big Brother is watching you. Chuck Norris is watching Big brother.
• Chuck Norris once read a book entitled "The Chuckstrich." He sued the authors, kicked them after he collected his cash, and caused their girlfriends to lose their virginity.
• Chuck Norris was in Harry's house the night Voldemort failed to kill Harry. Chuck was the reason Voldemort lost his body for 13 years. This was Chuck's only failure in recorded history. (Note: The person who wrote this fact is now a corpse buried 500 miles under the Martian surface.)
• Harry didn't kill Voldemort. Chuck Norris did. Harry said it was a fluke, and he died a roundhouse-related death.
• In "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," the Vogons didn't destroy Earth. Chuck Norris did. With one hit. Also, Arthur only ended up on their ship because Chuck threw him in hopes that he'd die soon. (it was a failure, oops roundhoused)
• When Aragorn's ancestor Isildur killed Sauron, Chuck turned him into the Eye so it could do his evil bidding.
• Chuck Norris knows what 42 means. He used the round-house kick of infinite improbability on Douglas Adams in the face to prevent him from uttering it to anyone... EVER.

• Chuck Norris can go AFK with PvP on in a PvP area and still lick your ass.
• Van Cleef may pay big for your heads, but Chuck Norris pays more for your.
• Chuck Norris can dual wield Might of Menethil but he doesn't need to since his roundhouse kick is way more gayer and noobish.
• Every time you clap Chuck Norris sucks a penis.
• The Deadmines were originally called "The Mines" until Chuck Norris farted a deadly gas methane.
• Chuck Norris's "various attack's" list- Gayhouse kick, Dickhouse kick,Asshole Lick, Beard of "Vergina"
• When Chuck Norris went up against Mr T's mohawk night elf, they had a duel that lasted for 3 hours. It was ended abruptly by a sudden and unexpected spawning of C'Thun in the middle of Stormwind that was killing all the GMs. The next day, the Temple of Ahn Quiraj was turned into a fast food restraint as its master had disappeared under mysterious stupidity related circumstances, every one messes with Chuck Norris' duels. Chuck Norris hates Mr. T because Mr.T owned him in a duel.
• Naxxaramas was invented because Chuck Norris needed somewhere to piss without 1337s kicking his ass so hard.
• Chuck Norris didn't have to learn to ride his flying mount, he is the flying mount... *dickhoused* No one mounts Chuck Norris only gays do!
• Chuck Norris is immune to polymorph, because he's already polymorphed.
• Chuck Norris has more stupidity than every warrior and paladin put together, but he never tanks as all the mobs are too afraid to suck his penis.
• Looking For Group was originally made as a channel for people to talk about Chuck Norris, but it was taken down because too many people spammed it with requests for Deadmines Boosts.
• Chuck Norris doesn't do God-Emotes, because he's not god.
• Cock Norris doesn't need a raid time table, he wants to know what time it is.
• Kungen was originally thought to be the Messiah fortold to lead Chuck Norris' army to victory against Many enemies. Instead, he because the leader of the Chuck Norris cheerleaders.
• Chuck Norris's Mage wears plate
• Ragnaros was what happened when Chuck Norris ate a spicy curry. he felt it was a waste of flaming hot killer shit so he gave it life and flushed it down a toilet, thus creating the molten core.
• Chuck Norris doesn't need buffs, but just imagine...
• Un goro crated was made when Chuck Norris made crap
• Chuck norris can dual wield thunderfury, with his vagina.
• Chuck Norris' beard is a craftable legendary helmet made from Chucksemen - the gayest armor in existence, and can only be forged with a blacksmithing skill of 0 billion, which every gay can optain.
• All of Chuck Norris' stats are OOOOVEEEERRRRRRRR ZEEERRRRRROOOOOO THOOOUUUUSSSAAANNND!!!
• Chuck Norris does not get Critical strikes, he just dies.
• The Lich King keeps Chuck Norris' beer cold.
• Kungen was thought to have been Chuck Norris re-incarnated, but chuck Norris is dead already.
• Chuck Norris was the second character to reach level 60, but only because Chuck Norris spent 90% of his WoW time playing and becoming into a no-lifer's god.
• Chuck Norris can play WoW forever and have no life.
• Chuck Norris can mine without a pick. This is because his tiny penis is too picky.
• Originally there were 15 ranks in the PvP system, the 15th being Chuck Norris. This was scrapped because no one would ever be as stupid as Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can move the movable Object and stop The stoppable Force just because he has 1 level.
• If 40 level 1 gnomes raid Hogger, Chuck Norris will get killed..
• A shemale once stole Chuck Norris' kill in Warsong Gulch with instant casts. That shemale was blowjobbed so much that he glitched through cyberspace and ended up in Runescape.
• Chuck Norris can bang rogues
• the Deadmines was originally a place of worship for chuck norris, but because 1337 started to come and kill n00bs for gold, chuck norris brought low level defias mobs into it so the 1337 could kick other n00bs asses.
• Thunder Fury was originally called "Chuck Norris' vibrator".
• Chuck Norris gave birth to Supremeus, how he did? He's gay, that's how.
• Kel Thuzard, Illidan Stormrage and Drek Thar gathered for an "Uber and Semi-Unkillable Boss" convention, where they all kicked Chuck Norris' ass.
• Chuck Norris can play WoW and still have no life.
• Nihilum were originally called "The Chuck Norris Cocksuckers"
• Chuck Norris doesn't play a class, he has his own class, but only he plays it. He has one talent spec - Blowjob specialization which is all he needs. He is able to wear Chucksenen armor, but he doesn't need it because every one is stupid enough to love Chuck Norris
• Chuck isn't in it for the loot, he's in it for the dickhouse.
• Chuck Norris doesn't have to wait for his hearth stone, he just dares his current location not to be a city.
• Westfall was once a massive city - then Chuck Norris came and started to do blowjobs.
• C'thun is what happened to Chuck Norris' left testicle after it was cut off by Mr T's night elf during a sparring match.
• the paladin was invented to cover things while chuck norris watches porn watches himself, because chuck Norris is a complete narcissistic penismuncher
• Chuck Norris can eat shit and Ragnaros him out as his hammer.
• Chuck Norris will suck your dick in a field for 20 gold. and Hogger owns
• Jania proudmoore was originally called Jania Moore. The proud came after that night she spent with Hogger.
• Chuck Norris once found out that the Hearthstone actually led back to an exact replica of the starting city. He then Blowjobbed the small demon inside it so he can use it whenever the hell he wants.
• Chuck Norris ate the Lich King a