Church

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The NBC Cathedral in Boston, Massachusetts

Perhaps the most popular Pope in modern times.

“They say that Churches are home of the Lord. It's a pity he is never around when I drop by.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Church

“Jesus died for MY sins? Why?”

~ Church on Red Ranger

“This is the tale of a solo bell ringer, Caught with the rope around his dinger. The vicar made the shock discovery, And then tolled the man off promptly”

~ The vicar on church bell ringers

“There goes God...”

~ You on Church falling apart

This kid looks like Jack Black, a famous writer from france.

A cult- your parents make you sing and give your $5 allowance to 'Jesus' who is actually a homosexual in the basement looking for some money to buy heroine.
A building to hide paedophiles in.
An organization to maintain old buildings with no use whatsoever.
A fake charity organization.
A herd of easily led people.
One half of the infamous siamese twins "Church and State".
Anything with a steeple attached.
A place that will try to control you. (like america, in fact, they are good friends)
A place listed as Number 57 on the Top 100 Most Boring Places to Be in America.
A place to have large bowel movements
McDonalds new venture

1 Origin of the church
2 Support
3 Known Churches

[edit] Origin of the church

A typical Iraqi Church-dweller.

Aliens placed churches on our beloved planet. In one of these churches there was a person hidden behind lots of colorful glass with beautiful pictures. This person was Jesus. Jesus split in half and created mankind by a process that is called cell division. Females were produced by Jesus' magic beard. Later, Jesus did some sinning, so he was crucified. But because we all have a bit of him inside of us, because he is the beginning of our race, it were also our sins. So Jesus died for our sins. Poor us.

A little known fact however is that the church, in 1991 destroyed nearly all written documentation on the existence of stingrays. This was because the Vikings, who revered the stingrays as gods, went on a bloodthirsty rampage once they found out that the stingray is mealy a lovable sea creature.

[edit] Support

in order for the church to come into power, the support of many was required. many people supported the church such as: Kings, queens, pedophiles, religious people,pedophiles, scam artists and pedophiles

[edit] What To Do In The Event Of A Spiritual Situation

This will surely get more people to attend church

Strange and horrific events can occur during Church. They include Praying (Communicating with God via new technology called a "Telephone"), the consumption of Holy Bread and Wine (free food for Tramps) and even Spiritual Visions, aka. "Electrical Interference". In the event of any of the above, or anything related to the above, do the following: - Stop, Drop And Roll.

This is a little trick known by many, and is used to accomplish hundreds of things, eg. The Art Of Making Yourself Not On Fire, Causing Floor Static, and even Making Animal Friends

I wish more stained glass windows looked like this

[edit] Varg Vikernes

Varg didn't like churches in the Norwegian landscape so they told everybody that he burned them with black magic and super sonic sound waves.

[edit] Church Attendance

In 1850, Abraham Lincoln declared that because the 7th day (Sunday) was the day of rest and the day when God finished creating the Earth, church attendance was to be on Sunday morning, and ONLY Sunday morning. He made this announcement in the Gettysburg Address.

"Sunday is the 7th day, the day of rest, according to the Bible. Therefore, I, Abraham Jefferson Lincoln, declare Sunday to be the official formal day of worship. Churches are to hold services ONLY on Sunday morning -- not Sunday night, not Wednesday, or any other random time of the week -- JUST Sunday MORNING."

However, many Christians have been lax about upholding such a tradition. Beginning around 1930, Adolf Hitler began attending church on Wednesday. His trend became popular, and churches began offering services on Wednesday night, rather than the formally-correct Sunday morning.

In 1985, Adam Sandler made an announcement regarding church attendance on Wednesdays. "Why do people attend on Wednesdays? It's SUNDAY MORNING according to Abraham Lincoln!" Nevertheless, Adolf Hitler's trend still remains popular today.