Coal
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Coal is a valuable allotrope of carbon obtained by either digging in an area with an odd time anomaly in which everyone thinks that the year is 1953 or by grinding down diamonds in a mill known as a coal works
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[edit] How Coal is Synthesized
Diamonds are often found in nature contaminated by and/or intermixed with hearts, clubs and spades, which need to be filtered out by powerful centrifuges. Once separated, the raw diamonds are loaded into giant industrial diamond crushing machines and crushed into a fine glittery powder. The diamond dust is then melted down and left for ten years to solidify into irregular black lumps. The only places where coal occurs naturally are Lancashire and the Belgian Congo. It is rumoured that the early Lancastrians, unaware af the value of coal, once used to use it as a decorating material to blacken the exteriors of their terraced homes.
[edit] Energy from Coal
Unlike filthy petroleum, coal is completely safe and environmentally friendly and totally nonpolluting. Its most widespread use is as primary propulsion for the Space Shuttle
A lesser known fuel is Coke, a smokeless, heatless form of coal which gives off a cold, bluish flame. Coke is useless as a fuel but the Lancastrians now use it to blacken their houses.
Coal is a super power. Just ask Thomas the Tank Engine.
[edit] The Superman Coal Scandal
In 1983, Superman was arrested for secretly eating valuable lumps of coal and using his superdigestive tract to convert it into cylindrically-shaped diamond pellets, which he later sold as novelty items. After claiming in court [2] that he needed to eat some form of raw carbon to live, Superman was found guilty and given a life sentence of community service to the planet Earth. Ever since, all manufactured coal has been required by law to include trace quantities of kryptonite in order to make it less palatable.
[edit] Coal collected by pensioners
It has been reported that in the United Kingdom many pensioners, mainly female ones, are illegally collecting and storing coal. a certain Mrs. Smegma was found to have over forty lumps of coal hidden under her bed. Police believe that this is some sort of new craze being spread at their Derby and Joan clubs.
[edit] In Popular Culture
Coal is featured in several scenes in the 1978 horror film Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.
[edit] See Also
| Parts of this article were originally sporked from A. Einstein: The Energy Equivalence of the State of Massachusetts and State of Massachusetts v Superman. |
