Cock block
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A cock block is the act of protecting one's genitals from forces that may damage them.
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[edit] Overview
Cock blocks are commonly practiced in order to ensure that one has his genitals for his entire life. Sometimes, benevolent strangers or friends might cock block someone when they fail to notice a danger to their valuables. The latter case is often not a physical block, but rather prevention of a situation that can endanger one's unmentionables.
Though cock block techniques have seen little evolution, cock blocking apparatus has been manufactured to facilitate blocking one's cock from things the hands cannot keep at bay, such as beta and gamma radiation, and blows with sufficient force to cause the hands to simply distribute it across a wider range, risking damage over a greater area than they were not blocked.
[edit] Procedures
[edit] Self-performed cock blocks
The most common self-performed cock block is when one cups his hands over his pubic area in order to protect it from an incoming projectile, often a ball used in some barbaric sport that reduces humanity to idiotic apes, competing over who can perform a meaningless task best.
The second most common case is when one is masturbating and someone oblivious to his actions enters the room. One scrambles to hide the porn and the other instruments of the act. Soon afterwards, "GET THE FUCK OUT!" is exclaimed. The intruders often comply, though their motives aren't fully understood.
[edit] Selfless cock blocks
The selfless cock block is performed by one who cares about nothing but the welfare of the man in question and prevents the occurrence of an act that could damage one's genitals. If you don't have genitals, like Michael Braglia, it is considered less selfless because you don't have the balls to do it if you had balls. In situations where the cock blockee in question has no legitimate shot at getting with the woman in question, it is only humorous to throw a stiff cockblock.
This is most commonly performed by the friends of a drunken slut, through nothing other than altruism, to protect a man from the taint of her wickedness. This is not an immediate danger to his means of reproduction, but they deem it necessary to protect a fellow human being from any chance of harm. Next time you are cock blocked, show some appreciation, for these are, indeed, good people.
[edit] Cock blocking apparatus
As one can not always cup his groin with his hands, there are tools in manufacture that will protect it. Unknown to most users, though, use of these devices will cause one to abandon his cock block reflex, resulting in greater risk of harm when one is not wearing them.
The groin cup pictured at the right is often used by American football-playing troglodytes that do less thinking in a waking state than they do in sleep. Not deserving to be called people, they are known as "athletes." We must accommodate them in our society nonetheless, for they prove to be useful as police officers trained to violate our constitutional rights in order to bust us with 1/4 of Afghan.
[edit] Conclusion
Cock blocking is a means of protecting oneself from sterility and severe pain still in use today. By whom it was invented is unknown, but by whom it is used can be accurately estimated to be 99.94716%* of males in the world.
[edit] Another View
- Please Note* A cock block may also a be referred to as one man blocking another man from getting to use his cock on said evening. Eg. A man has a hot chick and his buddy comes along with something like "... Yea then he shit his pants..." therefore preventing said man from getting laid, A.K.A. a Cock Block
