Commodore

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Commodore PET supercomputer

Commodore was a secret conspiracy of the US Navy to destroy the nascent Personal Computer market in the early 1980s.

1 Products
2 Competitors
3 Spinoffs

[edit] Products

[edit] Commodore PET

Commodore PETs (both DOGs and CATs) were used by NASA for the Apollo Space Program

The PET is named after the french word for "fart"

[edit] Commodore 64

With the power of mimes, the Commodore 64 could interface with Apple II+ hardware.

The Commodore 64 evolved from the PET to become the most sophisticated, powerful computer platform ever devised by non-alien lifeforms. While the said evolution remains under contention from those expousing intelligent design theory, common belief is that a significant number of Commodore PETs realized that they had no colour abilities - and hence adapted to the 1980s computer market. Inter-computer inbreeding resulted in the Commodore 64. No mimes were hurt during this process. (But they were worried. Oh yes, they were worried.)

While generally used by pre-teens to play (now classic) games like Jumpman, Jumpman Jr., and Flight Simulator II, the Commodore 64 was capable of multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction (although, granted, multiplication and division were merely after-market add-ons, not built in). It could be expanded with a variety of peripherals (e.g. tape drives, floppy drives) and could even run cartridges (e.g. Fastload). The computer also came with the BEESICK programming langauge built in. This enabled users to communicate with sick bees in order to make the computer function. Early models of the Commodore 64 could even house a loaf of bread inside the case. Most Commodore 64 owners preferred to bake the bread in an ordinary oven after having the computer mix and knead the dough, claiming that it finished with a more pleasing texture and even browning.

Here's a sample of its features:

Nintendo-64 derived architecture
1 MHz processor
16 colours
Variety of strange symbols readily accessible with shift key (In fact these symbols represent an alien alphabet, used to communicate with extra-terrestrials)
Commodore key!!!
8 function keys cleverly mapped to only four physical keys
Power switch
38K of available RAM (and sheep) with BEESICK interpreter loaded
SID sound chip (made by a guy called Sid)
Interface available with Apple II+ hardware and mimes.
Songs such as Brick House and Three Times a Lady
A Shift key with the patented Kickass Locking Feature (KLF).
Hardware "Turbo Overdrive" (no theoretical speed limit) web server implemented on the SID chip, and NSA class firewall on the VIC chip. A single C64 runs the internet sub-matrix we know today.

A relatively unknown and late addition to the Commodore 64's feature list was the secondary power supply unit, which ran off magic and rainbows assuming the standard AC power supply failed to operate. This, however, was removed from all units when extremely religious people called rainbows "ghey" and magic "not cool"

Containing the powerful amd still unrivaled MOS 6502 CPU, this machine could read and write data and programs to cassette tape or diskette. It had an unprecedented "zero page" register which had the ability to control nearby robots and allowed the C64 to save the world during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

All of the sites and information on the internet is stored in a network of three Commodore 64s, the first is hidden underneath the Sydney Opera house, making the roof essentially a large transmitter, the second is on the 52nd floor of Trump tower (so we tell him, it's really in that pyramid hotel in Vegas), the third is again under the sydney opera house (flying around the world is expensive). This will feature in the next movie National Treasure: Secret Commodore 64 network.

The first microwave was invented by a 64, which in turn invented the mp3 player.

[edit] Commadore 64

The Commadore 64 is essentially the same as a regular 64, but with extra gin.

[edit] Commodore 128

The Commodore 128 was made by taking the innards from two Commodore 64s and, for some reason, a TRS-80 Model III, duct-taping them together and then sticking the whole thing into a single case. This allowed users to run two programs simultaneously; you could, for example, be typing a document in PaperClip and playing Frogger at the same time. You could then save the results to the built-in hard drive, if there was one. If not, then you could spend the rest of the week saving to a cassette tape. You could then take that cassette tape, put it into your car stereo, and listen to it. It was certainly cheaper than buying cassettes of Ozzy and Neil Young, and generally sounded better.

Shortly after the invention of the 128, Commodore decided to devote itself to further improving and developing the Amiga and then very quickly went tits up. The tits industry followed in short order with a defamation lawsuit, and Commodore went out of business.

[edit] Commodore 16

After having achieved success with their Commodore 64, they introduced Commodore 16. The plan was to take away most of the memory, provide worse sound and graphics and resell all peripherals to the users. The machine looked just like C-64 and many people were deceived by its appearance. Instead of generating huge profits, the machine generated huge losses and many governments collapsed after riots broke out all over the world. The main designer was mutilated and executed.

[edit] Amigo

Ushering in the Multimedia era, the Friendly Boy, as it was referred to in Norweigan marketing materials, had advanced graphics, advanced sound, advanced keys, advanced disks, advanced processing, advanced memory, advanced user interfaces, advanced customer service, advanced joysticks, advanced modems but after Oprah referred to it as "only kinda nifty," it was fated to be defeated by the technically inferior Senior IBM.