Common sense

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“Well, I wrote the pamphlet, so if this page isn't removed in 3 days I'm suing for copyright infringement. I knew it was a great idea to write about an expression as common as "common sense". It was just common sense! Oh, and taxation without representation is gay!”

~ Thomas Paine on Common Sense

“The funny thing about common sense, is that it's not that common.”

~ some dude on common sense

“no tengo sentido común.”

~ Ian Shu on common sense

Common Sense is both the ability of humans to recognize something obvious and therefore point it out to those who don't seem to understand the obviousness of it, and a pamphlet by Thomas Paine telling people to hate the British. Grrrr. If you want to be silly, you can replace "sense" with "scents" or "cents", and everyone knows homonyms are funny. It's common sense! Oho!

Common sense is the instinct not to do stupid shit. A man with common sense won't wipe his ass with a rabid squirrel, stick his dick in a pencil sharpener, or screw Paris Hilton. A woman with the common sense God gave a rabid squirrel won't believe the assistant manager will divorce his wife to marry her, won't wear a pair of low-rise pants that make her look like the Michelin man, and won't marry Kevin Federline with or without a prenup.

Common sense is what keeps most people from taking it up the ass from a horse (a man in Washington state tore his anus and bled to death as a result of this; really.) and from believing wild stories like that. Common sense gets you up in the morning, and home from work in the evening. It brings you in out of the rain, and takes you back out again when the sun shines. Common sense tells you not to shit where you eat, not to borrow four for five just until payday, not to eat pickled eggs, and not to buy a used car from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Common sense also happens to be a lie(if you dont believe me look at the rest of this article up till this point).

1 Lawyers vs. common sense
2 Politicians vs. common sense
3 The Ancient Greeks vs. common sense
4 But what about uncommon sense?
5 You vs. common sense
6 Great moments in the history of common sense
7 A lesson in common sense

[edit] Lawyers vs. common sense

Lawyers will sue anybody for anything, as long as they get a profit. Did you see a car accident on the side of the road? You can sue them for mental distress! Drop your toothbrush in the bathroom? Sue the toothbrush company for making uneasily gripped toothbrushes! This may seem silly, but it's all true, child. That's because lawyers and common sense work for opposite sides. Remember this the next time you get obese off of fast food, you can sue McDonalds!

[edit] Politicians vs. common sense

Why would we want a law passed that forbids us from marrying the one we love most? We wouldn't! But politicians would! And here in the good old U.S. of A, common sense takes a back seat with the better good of the people to the intent of politicians. Luckily for you (if you're a lobbyist with millions of dollars for bribery) you can sway the politicians. Some people disagree with this. That's because they have common sense!

[edit] The Ancient Greeks vs. common sense

Come on, who actually believes some gigantic goddess did it with her brother, the king of all gods, and made some divine beautiful deity? That's incestual and just plain implausible. Ancient people were horny bastards.

[edit] But what about uncommon sense?

Now you're just being a smartass. Shut up.

[edit] You vs. common sense

Yeah, you bitch.

[edit] Great moments in the history of common sense

1214- People of England force super-douche king John to sign the Magna Carta forbidding excessive taxing and tyranny on the part of the monarchy, John has enough common sense to sign the damn thing as to prevent uprising/democracy. Moral win for the peasantry, actual win for the British monarchy. Sorry gang!

1492- Columbus says the earth is not flat, but instead round. Spanish monarchy disagrees, Columbus says "Up yours" and sails to North America, convinces world it's China and that the earth is round. Gets all the ladies upon return to Spain. SIDE NOTE: Columbus was a pimp.

1645- English catholics oppressed by the dominating protestant society just flat out leave and go to America. Irony ensues when they realize they are technically protesting, therefore making them "protest-ants".

1770's- Colonies decide a taxes on tea and paper are bogus, rebel against the English and become world's greatest superpower. USA! USA! USA! SIDE NOTE: This is before all Americans became self-righteous douche bags.

1945- Churchill sticks it to the man multiple times, tells Hitler to cram it up his cramhole and wins war. USA! USA! U- no wait...

1950's- Civil Rights movement takes place in United States, moral win for people of all ethnicities. Does not qualify for people of all sexual orientations. Sorry ladies!

1970's- Doctors discover smoking is bad for you. RUH ROH

1984- Atari and Colecovision! Whee!

2003- We bomb the crap out of Iraq. USA! USA! U- wait, what?

2004- The Re-election of George W. Bush signified the death of common sense. France doesn't care.

2006 - There is a world wide movement to bring back common sense by overthrowing the governments of the world but the people decide to watch television.