Denmark
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Legoland, also known as Denmark or Wulffland, is the smallest and most inconspicuous part of the kingdom of the Faroe Islands and should never be confused with any enjoyable or fun place. There have been several attempts to throw Denmark out of this unholy union of states, but they are holding on for dear life. Having deserted it's fellow member states and canoodled with Germany (check any map of northern Europe, and you will see what I mean), Denmark will soon lose it's membership in "The Real Viking Countries". Rumours abound that Norway and Sweden have voted to demote it to a second-class Nordic country, at the same level as Finland or possibly a suspiciously Baltic country, similar to Estonia. Denmark's most brutal inhabitant is Rasmuscles from Bruxelles
Of course The Danes will not try to resist this decision. Denmark is infact the only country in the world that has not won a war (Well they did make a smart move and joined USA in Iraq, but that one is a close call.) and is on the top of the Easiest to invade list (who doesn't remember when the Faroe Islander Diddi Jó called Queen Margaret telling her he'd invade the country with two of his best friends. Of course she simply gave up)
Someone in Denmark once sketched a cartoon of some kind of prophet or something. The middle east rejoiced in appreciation, and tourism quickly tripled. Danish inns, hotels, hostels and discount supermarkets now estimate approximately 7 overnight stays per year.
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[edit] Quick facts
- Greenland, Tasmania, Finland, Narnia, Faroe Islands, Very Northern Germany and Burkina Faso are all part of the Commonwealth of Denmark.
- For many years Denmark gathered armies and plotted to invade the United Kingdom. Which they actually succeeded in doing, many years ago, although due to the size of their ridiculously small army, a consequence of their equally diminutive population, nobody actually noticed. Both the famous city New York and the English town of York were named by the Danish King Valdemar.
- Danelicious aka SeXual (one of the most evil Danes around) is indeed gay.
- One of the secrets behind the Danes being so rich is that Danes never get old. It is common for an average Dane to die when they have reached the age of 30. Simply because of drinking too much beer. This way Danes work and pay huge taxes, and never get a return on the taxes they’d paid. Only the Danish politician stays away from the deadly Danish beer.
- The main exports of Denmark are Great Danes, plastic bricks, salted herring, plastic bricks, meatballs, bacon, butter cookies, plastic bricks, windmills, ceramic car bumpers, pastries, plastic bricks, Andersens, Christensens, Jensens, dodgy footballers, plastic bricks and expensive deadly alcohol. They are also said to have been the founding fathers of Danish Pastry, even though most Danes don't actually have a clue on what it is (and those who do blame it on Vienna).
- The Danish flag was made in Estonia and sold by Estonian spice merchants for 2 beers on the 15 June 1219. The buyer was King Valdemar who wasn't very fond of Estonian beer.
- In Denmark it is recommended by the Ministry of Health to drink a minimum of 21 pints of beer a week for men, and 14 for the woman. (Note: They really mean you HAVE to drink, or you will go to jail)
- There is only one woman in Denmark. His name is Ben and he is currently unavailable.
- Denmark is often considered the Canada of Europe.
- All Danes overconsume alcohol, frequently in the form of Grooobblequark, made from fermented milk, acorns, pies and used tires of 1980's Opel's, the most popular variant being that of the Kadett, Ascona and Manta tires.
- The Danish Parliament building is made of Lego bricks, through 25 years of extra Lego tax. All danes had to pay 10 % of their Lego pay, on top of the other taxes, (80 % Lego income taxes).
- All Danes work at the local Lego factory, 2 days a month to contribute to the building of huge pyramids, and great pig sties. The bacon manifacture is the 74.th greatest export of Denmark.
- The Danish great Satan worshippers "Bamse og Kylling" have indoctrinated Danes since the beginning of time. They have also spawned a few minor offspring like "Anna og Lotte", "Dolph" and "Kaj og Andréa"
- The greatest hero in Denmark is "Jakob Stegelmann". With an unending energy he has been feeding the Danes (and the Scanians lucky enough to be able to watch Danish TV) the virtues of comics, role playing games, computer games and more life saving things since the time of Bamse and Kylling.
- Danes like GÖÖÖÖL. GÖÖÖÖL or gøl, is a extremely corrosive substance that is the main food of the Danes, it is yellow and sticky and if one happens to come in contact with it, it will transform the person who touches it into a legendary monsterous being known in Denmark as "Pia Kjaersgaard"
- This land is also known for having Amin Jensen as resident
- In ancient Denmark, Lego bricks were used as a food source, a building material, and quest tokens.
- It is rumoured, that certain danish males can reach their own toes. This is yet to be proven, however, as the latest footage turned out to be heavily altered.
- During the second world war, the danish people was nearly eradicated due to poverty, as the controlling nazis shut down all breweries, thus removing beer from the danish markets.
[edit] Fauna
The hardiness of the Danish people is no doubt in part due to the large amount of vicious wild animals constantly being preyed on by such vicious people intent on invading England. Although most of the country is a frozen wasteland, Denmark's most hated enemy, England, managed to introduce a foreign species to the country, the speckled blight weasel, which managed to decimate the country's economy by simply running around in circles thus confusing the Danes into thinking there was something wrong with the weather and they all stayed home in fear of an impending storm. This, in turn, laid ground for the Danish national sport, knitting.
Another very commonly seen animal in Denmark is the polar bear, but be aware, that tourists are prohibited from feeding these animals, as it gets in the way of them foraging. As the bear motto is:
"Get the hell out of my way, I'm foraging."
- This is clearly an ill advised move.
The Devil sheep Also ones used to live only in the mountains of Denmark. Until it was wiped out by Boowoof in 2015, after the king of Denmark asked him to.
[edit] Denmark in Literature
Denmark is featured most prominently in two major works of English literature, although not so prominently in any works of Danish literature (more on this later*). The first of these is Beowulf, an epic poem written several hundred years after the fact by some guy in England with way too much time on his hands. The story begins when Hrothgar, the king of the Danes and the guy whose name should have given everyone a clue as to the phlegmy direction their language was headed in, builds a really big mead hall (Freud would have something to say about that). Hrothgar and his homies throw drunken, loud parties every night, proving that even back in the good ol' days there was still nothing to do in Denmark but drink. Said parties really tick off Grendel, a somewhat emo monster and possibly one of the most misunderstood characters in English literature. Grendel terrorizes the hall and kills a lot of people and they all submit to it for about 13 years until Beowulf comes to their rescue and kills Grendel and then Grendel's mother, who, contrary to popular belief, was a nasty old broad of a monster who looked nothing like Angelina Jolie and who Beowulf probably would not have slept with. The Danes will never quite live down the fact that they had to be rescued from Grendel's terror by a Swede, and this is most likely the cause of the feud that continues between the two countries to this day. It is likely that the sing-song accent of Swedish developed from hundreds of years of mocking the Danes.
The second piece of literature is Hamlet, the well-known Shakespearean tragedy. Hamlet was the prince of Denmark, and his uncle killed his dad and married his mother and became king. Hamlet thinks he sees his dad's ghost telling him about his uncle being a murderer. Although your English teachers will undoubtedly try to tell you that all of Hamlet's problems arose because he listened to the ghost and slowly drove himself mad, do not be fooled. Hamlet simply had a terrible case of depression from the awful weather and it drove his mind to create its own reality, one filled with murderous uncles, incest, betrayal, pornographic traveling players (the theatrical kind, not the guys with money who pick up young blonde chicks in bars), and incidents with his mother that reach positively Oedipal proportions. Since Hamlet the Danes have become better at dealing with their weather related depression, resorting back to Beowulf-esque amounts of alcohol and brainwashing each other into believing that they live in the happiest country on earth.
- notes on Danish literature - There are a few works of Danish literature, including 'Out of Africa' by Karen Blixen (published under the name Isak Dineson for fear of persecution by the Jantelov-driven society for being such a damn good writer) and the work of Danish philosopher Søren Kirkegaard. 'Out of Africa' provides a lovely example of the lengths some people will go to to get away from the Danish weather. Kirkegaard is an article unto himself but suffice to say that, literally translated, 'Kirkegaard' means 'church garden' which is a polite way of saying 'graveyard'. Oh, and then there's Hans Christian Andersen, but really, before Disney got hold of his stories and gave them happy endings, no normal person would have read them to children for fear of making the little angels suicidal. H.C. Andersen was one depressed dude.
[edit] Language
Most linguists have come to believe that the Danish language, sounding approximately as a seal with pneumonia holding a potato in its mouth, is indeed most closely related to Sealese, though some dispute this and think a relation to Penguinese to be more likely. However, the sealists have gained an upper hand recently, with the argument that there have been longstanding contact between native Danes and Seals. Indeed, after the great Seal invasion in prehistoric times, they often inhabit the same territory, with Danes having numerous habitations on Greenland since the landing of Erik den Røde (Erik the Red, not to be confused with Svend the Green), and the invading seals having a large remaining colony in the marshes of south-west Denmark, the so-called "Tønder Marsk" (which is also the home of the last 0.3 people).
On the other hand, the Penguinists argue that the vocabulary and phonemes of Danish much resemble Penguinese, and that the Penguins obviously have a much superiour culture and language, much more likely to be copied from. However likely, many argue against it because the contact between these two groups have arguably been non-existent in the relevant time period, the Penguins residing only in the southern hemisphere in present times.
On the other other hand, phrenologists who study the Danish language have come to the conclusion that it is not so much a language as a throat disease, probably caused by a mutatated form of the same virus that causes Yiddish, which itself is a mutated form of the Arabic/Hebrew virus. The cause of the Danish mutation is thought to be due to a rampant allele which became manifest due to excessive contact with cheese.
A fringe group of linguists - of an obviously tarnished and sinister character - contend that Danish is instead closely related to Engrish and Greman but, such ridiculous and pseudo-scientific claims can be given little merit.
The latest research puts forward the theory that the Danish language was created by drunk Norwegian Vikings, that having been drunk, got lost and ended up in Denmark. This theory comes from the fact that Danes can understand drunk Norwegians, but not sober ones (nor drunk Swedish people). Controversially, linguist David Crystal has also argued that Danish is in fact a long-running Situationist joke and not really a language at all, more a sort of attenuated collection of grunts and base howls. However, as the Danes are fond of saying, "at least it is not Finnish".
[edit] Culture
The Danish people have practiced the fine art of baby eating for centuries. This began in 1140, when the all and powerful Oprah first visited the nation and taught the danes proper baby eating technique. Baby eating is quite common at social gatherings where dishes like baby salad, baby casserole, and rødgrød med baby can be found.
Danish people are also members of the big religion Legoism were the most fanatic believers only do things the Lego way. Talk and walk Lego, wear Lego, go to Lego school and Lego academy, work with Lego Tools, Eat Lego food, do Lego, and love/make love the Lego way. The supreme leader of the Legoists, is His Popeness, Pope Lego Las(In danish "Klods Hans"). You can always know when you have met a Lego Beliver, while they'll be wearing a hat of Lego, or when in some cases, they won't admit they are Lego believers, wear Lego panties. When a man and a woman marries in Denmark, the custumary ceremonials includes a giving of Legobricks and building a Lego Sombrero to the Groom. There are very few Playmobil Belivers in Denmark though. They are living underground whilst the Playmobil belief is very forbidden. Whenever a Playmobil beliver is taken in his/her belief by the Legoists, he or she will be put into Cultural Lego Integration camp. The plan was originally then to release the Former playmobil believers out into society after a few months, but many playmobil believers still sits in Lego Integration camp today, after 25 years.
Some Danes believe in Santa Klaus Rifbjerg. He is said to come hurling down from Greenland in an old school bus from the 1950s at Legoday plotting to put his writings down the chimneys of all the children who have been naughty this year. However, most of today's Danish children don't have chimneys. Oddly though these incredible naughty children always get the latest copy of Santa Klaus Rifbjerg's work and are then forced to read it in school as some sort of severe punishment. The older people of Denmark still believe in Santa Klaus Rifbjerg and each year they write tedious reviews to the newspapers about the importance of his latest book. It has indeed been argued that it's not just superstition but a real Santa Klaus Rifbjerg cult, which ought to be looked at in the same way as anthropologists misunderstand people from New Guinea or baby-seals from Greenland. The Catholic monk Lars fun Trier, who was raised by Jewish Communist nudists, has devoted his entire life to fight this cult with dogmatic propaganda films. All of his propaganda films end with the word "SLUT". This is obviously an insult, however, it's a bit unclear whether this is meant as an insult of Santa Klaus Rifbjerg or the audience.
The rich and manifold cultural life of Denmark has been influenced in large part by the more civilized and advanced culture of the white race, with which they have been in contact with for several centuries. The Danes have incorporated that great white mice tradition of running in little treadmills for a bloody good while and spending their spare time eating, mating and drinking.
As of yet it seems that the Danes have not discovered that this is in fact an ingenious cover, intended to make the white mice seem innocuous and non-threatening while they monitor their newest large-scale experiment, Luxembourg.
It appears that the Danes whilst producing such talents as Hans Christian Andersen and Søren Kierkegaard, both very good Doctor Whos, are not quite smart enough to realise the real white mice. However, some argue that Danes are also just pretending not to know while laying their sinister plots, the argument against being, however, that they can't be that good at acting, or the Bodgy Broadcasting Corporation and the parliament would have recruited the entire population en masse already.
Ancient Danish culture centres around the great Kronborg castle in Elsinore. The castle was original build by Og the Magnificient in 1214 over the objections of Queen Oggette. Construction was finished in record time and the queen was eventually drown in the moat since, as one Danish ka-niggit put it, "the lady doth protest too much!" (in Danish: Øv, hvor lagde jeg dog mine vafler!". Her ghost is said to be living under the castle and having affairs with various ancient Danish heroes.
Eventually, the castle was turned into a theater by Og's son, Bard the Borg, who was quoted as saying "the play's the thing". Unfortunately, for Danish theatergoers everywhere, Bard gave away the ending by telling the public that Hamlet (and everyone else) dies in the last act. The entire story was later plagiarized by William Shakespeare and used by George Lucas as a model for future Star Wars prequels.
The most revered of all Danish writers are Lis Wiehl, author of the historical romance Ganar siempre ('"Leave My Toes Alone"), and Axel Sandemose who in many books described the beautiful minds of the inhabitants in his hometown, Nykobing. This mind has most hittingly been described in The Jante Law from the novel A refugee crosses his track and its sequel A refugee gets double-crossed.
[edit] Economy
Danish economy is based on the system of nursing homes (in Danish plejehjem). People are forced to work, because only diligent workers may reserve places in nursing homes. The main goal of an ordinary Dane is to spend his or her last days in a plejehjem, being cared for by young people, who will take their place in future. Some people even save money so they can retire faster and move to a nursing home.
The second largest pillar of the Danish economy is the export of sketches, paintings and drawings of religious leaders and prophets. This was started in the recent millennia by Jyllands Posten, a small art studio and cookie bakery just next to the The Middle of Nowhere which in Danish is called "Herringløse"(it is a small village in the middle of nowhere).
The third largest pillar of the Danish economy is young people from sweden who go there to buy alcohol, since you have to be 18 to consume alcohol in sweden. Thats why their economy went through the roof when the öresundsbridge was finished.
Superseding the previous two is the cruel killing of hapless hogs, exported through the conspiracy of the EU that the Danish Prime Minister helped bring about by exploiting the hysteria of the nation during the national oil shortage in 1976. Since then, mass quantities of pigs are butchered every day to feed the nation's unending lust for wholesale slaughter, revenue and craving for bacon. Due to this practice, vegetarians are denied citizenship on general principle.
A further source of income for the poor Danes is based on the hoarding-like hysteria that falls upon drunken Norwegians as they fall off misc ferries that offer different kinds of "party cruises" to Denmark (marketed under the slogan "Det er deilig å være norsk i Danmark"). The Norwegians, being under the impression that everything is cheaper in Denmark, will typically buy cigarettes, alcohol, pornography, sex toys, meat, candy, Coca Cola, toilet paper, bunny food, French waffles and envelopes in enormous quantities. Entire cities survive on this source of income alone (for instance Copenhagen, Århus, Hirtshals, Frederikshavn, Svinesund and Kuala Lumpur).
[edit] Travel Information
Denmark is a lovely country to visit. It is mostly harmless, but it is suggested to bring certified protective weasel gear or similarly functional surf boards.
[edit] Things To See
- Bornholm - The ZEN art of denmark. If you would like the ULTRA zen art of denmark, go to Christiansø, not far.
- The Queen of Denmark - one of the world's most prominent nicotine addicts.
- If you climb a very, very high tree you will be able to see Moscow from Denmark.
- Denmark is the best place to see native Danish-speakers in their natural, albeit flat, habitat.
- The Great Jutes - Denmark's greatest mountain range, measures up to two metres at its highest point.
- The bridge with a funny name (Øresundsbroen) connects Denmark with Sweden, allowing Swedes to come and buy cheap alcoholic beverages in Denmark. If you are lucky, you might see Carl XVI Gustaf, the King of Sweden, buying loads of beer for the weekend.
- Herning - A Danish town which contains the worlds longest shopping street, being twice as long as the equator.
- Middelfart - Danish farts always come in threes. But it's the middle fart they're most famous for... they even named a town after it. Middelfart - it is a town. Don't go there [1]. Middelfart is also known to have a lot of elevators - especially Godselevators.
- Herringløse is the weirdest town in Denmark,there is a pre-used-things and sell-your-crap store there.(In danish calld "køb og salg") They sell pretty good pre-used ice cream in there. It isn't recommended to visit this village as there really is nothing to see at all.
- Roskilde Festival is a Christian community effort through which devoted believers visit from all over the country. Also, there is a lot of beer drinking and listening to heavy metal until five in the morning, but it's all good.
- Godselevator Special elevator reserved for the old nordic gods (Odin, Thor etc). It can be seen in older warehouse in the vicinity of Greater Copenhagen. In general you always want to travel alone in elevators in Denmark due to the amounts of stinky hot air produced while the elevator is moving: Usually it states "I fart" upon movement.
- The pyramids of King Harald Blåtand stands 550 meters tall in the city of Århus. This national momument predates the egyptian pyramids by three days and twentytwo minutes. Directions: Turn left at central station and look for the newsstand. Bring the ritual payment håndøre hand-ear as a peace offering.
- Odense by day. Odense is very proud to have the childhood home of Hans Christian Andersen. This works out well, since he actually grew up there.
- Odense by night. Nothing ever happens in Denmark at night, though you will see native Danes on the streets. Notice how they react when arriving at red lights: that's right. They stop.
- Aalborg. Also known as double-A. Well, actually you should at all cost try to avoid Aalborg. You wouldn't like to go there. Surely, you wouldn't. Especially after the undead Invation<!
- Allerød: Maybe the most drunken place of all of Denmark. Acording to local rumors you will encounter drunk people everywhere you go!
- Mors. An island twice the size of Russia, located in Limfjorden (in English the Spermlake). Most white trash, now residing in America, originate from this island.
- Dronnist. This is a special man species, living in the dark concrete forests of Odense. There's only one living example of this species, but scientists could be proved wrong. A Dronnist is said to have amazing athletic skills, especially in a wrestling ring, but it has never been proved.
- De Autonome. The Danish anarchists. Theese make the 0.3 of the danish population. When they were recently kicked out of their house 'Ungdomshuset' (The Youth house) they torched the only two cars ever to have been in Denmark. They were both VW's and was hand crafted by Hitler.
- Ølstykke. A dansih town, made of pure beer. "Ølstykke" actually means "Piece of Beer". Nobody knows exactly where it is, and people who go there never return.
- Tarm. A small danish town which name transulates to intestine or gut. Do NOT visit the town during the annual golf tournament Tarm Open!
- Brøndby. Some random stadium filled with drunk danes dressed in blue and yellow. The name "Brøndby" actually means "Well town". Theres a stadium and a well.
- Fanø. The only place in Denmark where its legal to marry your sister and/or children. The result is 800 years of incest and a lot inbreath retards with 3 arms or more. DO NOT go there if it can be avoided.
[edit] Things To Say
Here are some helpful tips and phrases which may come in handy during your travels in Denmark.
- Tak (thank you) - so you can say "tak for kaffe (coffee)" or "tak for mad (meal)" or "tak for grøn tuborg".
- Rød grød med fløde Danes make you believe that this means red porridge with cream - A simple trick! What you are in fact saying is: Sell me overpriced plastic toys please.
- Tuborg Grøn (Green beer) - very good, very cheap. Canadians endorse it. Danes drink it everywhere... malls, work, school, in slurpees at 7-11 etc.
- Tuborg Gold - good strong beer. Canadians also endorse this beer. A nice beer for the bit.. beach.
- Carlsberg – Any Tuborg you encounter that is neither green nor gold.
- sæt ild til mig og skub mig ud af vinduet - Come to the window, so we can enjoy the view together...
- Soft Ice (Soft Ice cream) - you will get a cone as big as your head - VERY well endorsed. You can have it with merigue on top as well as chocolate sauce, marmelade, and a big marshmallow chocolate covered cookie on top.
- Pis mig i øret! - The recommended way of thanking a Dane, if he's nice to you. Means: Pee me in the ear!
- Auto-bus - If you see one huge van you know it's either a day trip for the challenged or tourists. They don't take those round intersections very well. Tires pop easily and the Danish take no responsibility for flat tyres.
- Sgu u lige gærne gåt have æn lille røg me no gåådii? (Smoking pot again?) - Most danish people do.
- Nøgenstrand (Nude Beach) - Mostly Germans, mostly men, mostly hairy and mostly beer-bellied.
- Benzinstation (Service Stations) - Cokes cost about 6.00CDN and the only candy you can get are salty black licorices who are so salty you wil die 2.8 seconds after eating one. If you go to Denmark bring snacks.
- Kan jeg komme med på toilettet og få en håndfiler af dig? is a traditional and very quick way of saying in danish "Can you show me the toilet, please?".
- Slutspurt - If you see this sign in a store they ARE NOT being rude about your morals - it just means that a big sale is about to end. BUT: there are a lot of sluts in Denmark.
- Udsalg - Same thing a sale or possibly "for sale".
- Kartoffel (Potatoes) - Danish potatoes that is. You must know secret hand signal to purchase.
- Grøntsager (Vegetables) - no secret hand signal required.
- Knibtang (pliers) - You will need them if you like flat fish like flounder
- Mandag (Monday) - they have different words for every day of the week. Just like us - Torsdag - somethingelsedag etc etc
- Seks (six) - The only place it does not mean "six" is behind the Central Train Station in Copenhagen.
- I fart - The elevator is in use, "in motion".
- Bad Toilet - Ask for this when you need a shower. Signs will often state 'Bad Toilet' in hotels where the bathrooms are found in the hallway instead of in rooms.
- Røget ørred - it's just the same as "smoked trout", norwegian trout is the only way to go btw., BUT danes love to get non-danes to try and say "Røget ørred". It's tasty though.
- A Pia - in these modern times this seemingly innocent girl's name, Pia, is now another word for "Nazi" because of the too well known politician Pia Kjærsgaard; so somebody can be a Pia - if they're an antisocial, fascist pig, no matter if they're of the male og female gender.
- Otto Leisner is a God to the danes. He was what Johnny Carson was to the Americans. He was Danish television in the olden days. His most famous line was, 'Yes! Yes! We are happy. And we have to celebrate that!!!!' Other memorable moment was 'Patter! Hov, ja, hvad hjertet er fuldt af, løber munden over med' ('Tits! Oops, well, what's in your heart goes out the mouth'). He may have been off his rocker...but no one knows...yet. But he smiled a lot, and that is something. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe he's just an idiot. But a God of puns nonetheless. A master. When he was born, the rumour has it, his mom said, 'No pun intended'.
- MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!- means sorry, they say it often when they have ruined you car or stolen one of your new fancy apple pies
- Det er Leasy - if you press eight eight times on danish phones they say that, that means you are in love with Leasy, but only if you get hold of a guy called 'Peter'.
- Jeg elsker dig - means you stupid dumb moron, they say that often in denmark if you are friendly at them, but danes don't like policy... I think..
- Sild - As well as being Danish for "Herring" it is also Danish slang for "Hot Chick" or "Rather Nice Babe" (not the talking porcine wonder of modern cinematic history, that is) - demonstrating the profoundly bizarre relationship the Danes enjoy with this otherwise bland fish...
- Har du en femmer til en kop kaffe? - Sentence used to rip off money from unsuspecting Danes. If they take out coins as a reaction, respond with "Stik mig en hund istedet", and look sharply and directly in their eyes. Warning: Be prepared to run. Danes are usually armed with knifes, plastic bricks and handguns.
- Youf Arkink Unt - Means please could you say that in English please, is often misheard so should be said quickly
- Har du ikk' 2 kroner?!? - Means "Kick me hard in the nuts and/or teeth"
- Julemanden – another word for Santa Klaus Rifbjerg.
- Mojn - Said in southern Jutland and means "Goodbye" OR "Hello"
- Båll mig - Most used way of saying "hello" to danish girls (it you are a boy (it also workes the other way)).
- Spark mig i nødderne - a way to ask "where is the closest toilet???".
- Ta mig på patterne - a way girls say hello to Danish boys they don't know in Denmark.
- Fisse - a way boys say hello to danish girls they don't know (always yelled).
- Onani - a way for boy and girls to work harder
- Må jeg smage dine lakrisser (Can I taste some of your licorices?) Migth be good to use if your hungry, but remember: Danish licorices are the strongest in the world! if you eat more that 4 you will die instantly!!!
- Røvlikør - If you want to make out with a dane.
- Jeg har sgu en stor kartoffel i min hals I speak danish
- Æ-gå' - You will have to end every sentence with this catchy word meaning "Right!"
- SLUT! - When you want to end an argument.
- Fint! - means "I'll kill you!" if said by a girl
- Jeg er vild med din mis. - "I love your pussy". This can be understood in two ways in both languages.
- Ah ar lii' fået a ny trauwdor. - "Its a nice weather" if said in or around Copenhagen. In Jutland it means "please, take me in to the woods and kill me."
[edit] Things To Do
- Drink beer (Drik øl)
- Skiing in the Danish alps (got none although there is a slightly flat area called "Det danske Schweiz" - The Danish Switzerland - 20 km north of Copenhagen).
- Visit Møllehøj, the highest point in Denmark at a whopping height of 171 m
- Visit the extremely (un)aptly named Sky Mountain (Himmelbjerget)
- Watching the sun go down over The pyramids of King Harald (They love to do it)
- Drink beer (Do it like the Danes, using their traditional drinking skulls fresh from the swamps)
- Eat roasted wardog
- Try to eat Danish licorices without going into instant coma.
- Suck on "Bella's" tit (a "Bella" is a special tool that helps Danish teens to drink beer even faster, and in larger amounts)
- Ski and drink beer
- Go to the nearest seaport, take the "Viking-cruise", when arrived start rape, kill and throw beerglasses after the inhabitants of England.
- Drink more beer
- Have a traditional Danish cold lunch including Danish on rye, beer on rye and mayo
- Meet the unfamous Danish writer Rubert Etard (R. Etard)
- Take a tour on Pusherstreet in Christiania before panserne raids it (again)
- Get some of the famous yeast Saccharomyces Carlsbergensis used for Danish beer. Try to get a Dane to help you. They ought to get this for free by some old convention.
- Yeast farming (Oh, it sounds bad now, but just you wait.)
- Find someone black
- Drink beer
- Opening a jar of pickeled herring, and just gulp down a whole fillet, in one go, without crying!
- Go to Jyllands-Posten in Viby (Jutland) and draw Mohammad cartoons.
- Read aloud from Hans Christian Andersen's fairy-tales while standing on one leg.
- Read aloud from Santa Klaus Rifbjerg's fairy-tales without falling asleep.
- Jump around and cry out "ululululululu".
- Drink enougth beer to get a beer-belly.
- Shout "ululululululu" again.
- Visit Frederikshavn, the most violent and criminal city in Denmark. But due to their artificial palm beach and the longest pedestrian street in the country, it is worth a trip.
- Nothing else really. (Except for buying and drinking some beers.)
- Happyslapping.
- Eat bacon.
- Look at the bacon.
- Make the bacon.
- Make different kinds of bacondishes
- Smell the bacon.
- Touch the bacon.
- Drink beer and eat bacon at the same time.
- Drink bacon and eat beer at the same time.
- Who the fuck wrote this illiterate shit?
[edit] Sports
- -Making Beer-
- -Lego Building-
- -Eating bacon-
- -Lego Building-
- -Watching Kim Bodnia cartoons-
- -Curling-
- -Ice Picking-
- -800m Under Water-
- -Imitating the Germans-
- -Lego Building-
- -Building Legos-
- -Eating Legos-
- -Drinking Beer-
- -Play some soccer-
Categories: Rewrite/Soft | Rewrite | Europe | Countries
