Compton, California
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| Black Jesus be down wit' dis sheeeet! Yo Yo Yo! Wut' it iz mutha fucka! Compton, California iz like da bomb. |
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Compton is an independent feudalist nation which resides entirely within the United States (kind of like Vatican City, but thug). The nation of Compton holds the world record for most consecutive years at the number 1 spot on the World Census' "Most dangerous Country in the World" list, with 100 consecutive years. The average annual murder rate in Compton is 84% of all citizens.
[edit] Government
Compton is controlled by regional warlords, or "Multi-Platinum Recording Artists". These warlords gain their status by participating in Compton's national sports of Gang Warfare, and Rap Battles. Each warlord controls a fiefdom, or "gang", which vary in size depending on the album sales of the warlord.
[edit] Notable Compton Warlords
- Dre
- Pac
- Biggie
- Game
- The NWA (Niggas Wit Attitude, a combined force of several allied gangs).
[edit] National Motto
[edit] Economy
Compton's economy has always been one of the best, and it still flourishes to this day. Compton's main exports are crack, guns, crystal meth, and cheap prostitutes. Unemployment is among the lowest, and there are many high-paying jobs like janitors, drug dealers, and cashiers at that Chinese joint. In addition, many of these jobs are held by grade school dropouts, or people who just plain didn't bother going to school.
Compton is also where California's ice cube manufacturing industry started. Ice Cube, the founder of the industry, has ordered the city to be maintained at a constant temperature of -131 degrees Celsius so that his ice cubes can be easily manufactured. This has caused great resistance from George W. Bush, who had to wear sunblock lotion, super UV-resistant sunglasses, and swimsuits to prevent himself from getting freezed up every time he visited the city.
Compton's ever-famous motto is "Long Live the Ice Cubes!" Ice-Cube is however under the constant threat of global warming. If current global warming trends continue Ice-Cube shall be Slightly-Chilled-Water by the year 2095, a catastrophe for rap fans everywhere.
[edit] Pop Culture
Of course, many celebrities were born or have taken residence in Compton. Rappers like Dr. Dre and The Game were born in Compton, and wannabe gangstas claim to be born in Compton, though we all know they really weren't. The rapping group C.W.A. (short for Crackaz Wit Attitude) even came "straight outta Compton", as apparent by their album "Straight Outta Tha Closet". They released a hit single titled "Fuck Tha Police". Unfortunately, the Compton police heard the single, and released the single "Fuck C.W.A.", the answer to C.W.A.'s song. The Compton Police's single sold twice as many copies as C.W.A.'s. Embarassed, every member of C.W.A. committed suicide.
There are also contributive non-blacks in Compton. There's...erm...well...oh yeah, there's that surfer dude that sings for Motley Crue.
[edit] Game Show
Dr Dre hosted a game show in which if a contestant could walk the whole of compton without getting shot would win a million dollars. Unfortunately till this day no one ever won. The game got cancelled because of the high death rate and because no one was alive after the first episode.
[edit] Trivia
- Compton was declared the second best city in the world to live in by the UN due to its high quality standard of living. Baghdad, Iraq was declared the best city to live in.
- Compton has a crime rate of 95%. The remaining 5% just didn't get caught.
- The sexual position "Nuts in da Ass, Dick in da Pussy" originated in Compton.
- Pretty much all of Compton Residents are CEO's of fortune 500 companies. Including Dr. Dre.
- Compton is the only city whose suckiness can be compared to that of Newark, New Jersey.
- Although many people claim to have been born in Compton, no one has actually been born in Compton.
- Compton's mascot is a dildo and dog syringe affectionately named "Stevie the Syringe".
- Compton is one of the few cities in which the black people actually like to be called "niggaz".
- Compton be tha 'hood fo' bofe Bluhz an' Cripz. Somma tha most biggest Crip an' Bluh gangs be Fruit Town Piru (Blood), Westside Piru (Blood), Campenella Park Piru (Blood), MOB Piru (Blood), Tree Top Piru (Blood), Nutty Blocc (Crip), Southside (Crip), Santana Blocc (Crip), Tragniew Park (Crip), Palmer Blocc (Crip), Duccy Hood (Crip) and Kelly Park (Crip).
- Compton, a diverse city, also has very active Latino gangs, the most well-known Latino gangs being the Compton Varrio Tortilla Flats, Compton Varrio 70s, Compton Varrio Largo 36, and the Compton Varrio Alondra.
- Ice Cube is widely considered the most famous resident of Compton, but da nigga do kids movies now. You see that shit, Is We Dare Yet? Shit was weak like grandma knees son.
- Jesus is a current resident of this outstanding community.
- A recent consensus carried out in Compton revealed 93% of Compton's inhabitants are 'Niggas' and the final 7% is made up of Black Ethnic Minorities
- In Compton, you get shot for the following reasons: being a gang-member, not being a gang-member, being a dad, a mom, a son, a daughter. Even dogs get shot. Everything gets shot in Compton. Hell, even Compton got shot in Compton.
- In Compton one quarter of the businesses are Liquor stores, one quarter being gun stores and, surprisingly enough, Oprah fan centers, and the remaining half being Gun store/Liquor store partnerships.
- For years Compton has been trying to bring an NFL team to its city, and just this past month Roger Goodell approved of the upcoming team, the Mothafuckin' Triflin Bitch Ass Hoes. They will be playing in the AFC West, and is already a heated rival of the Kansas City Chiefs.
