Computer programmer
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
A computer programmer is a type of grazing sloth often seen in school cafeterias. They are most often recognized by their unwashed hair, unwashed clothing, and (not surprisingly), strong and unpleasant musk scent. Also known as "geeks," programmers are generally considered to be highly intelligent but only in one activity, programming. These harmless 'idiot savants' often fail to grasp the barest rudiments of social interaction, and therefore spend an inordinate amount of time masturbating.
Computer programmers has also been described as organisms that convert caffeine into program code.
Contents |
[edit] Specific characteristics
- Size: One inch, with a specific density of 0.338.
- Weight: Eight, sometimes nine.
- Life expectancy: Difficult to measure, since they do not have many of the usual characteristics of "life"
- Eye colour: None
- Colour of other areas of the body: semi-transparent pink with blue-yellow overtones
- Hobbies: Bugs, Monty Python, Zork, being patronising to users
- Canteen: Yes, they own several canteens.
- Password: Encrypted
- Website: Permanently "Under Construction"
- Discovered by: Bill Gates, 1776, in Hell, Montana
- Clothing: Unwashed tee-shirts and white socks.
- Habitat: At home with mother.
- Advantages:
They are good at mind control
- Disadvantages:
They are fatass bastards (see you)
They press their ugly badass faces against the computer screen all day
They are caffinists
They are motherfucking piles o' bullshit
They have more disadvantages than advantages
[edit] Common activities
The typical computer programmer will usually be noticed either immobile in front of his computer screen, or meandering about, bearlike, seeking some kind of sweet or salty finger food. A common practice is also scouring garbage bins for partially-eaten, thrown-away food.
When not hibernating, the computer programmer spends most of his time looking for or producing bugs while being obscenely rude towards the typical computer user who is sitting innocently, also staring at his computer screen.
[edit] Procreation
While the typical programmer appears to be obsessed with sexual imagery, they are hindered in their attempts to actually mate by their unweidly bulk, their lack of attractive plumage, and an overall fear of communicating directly to human females. Since the creation of the Internet, male programmers have been much more able to locate female geeks, leading to a temporary and frightening rise in the programmer population.
[edit] Influence on world economy
As of 2005, the computer programmer has absolutely no influence on global world economy. The Last thing even remotely near was when Fat joe stole a quarter.
