Conan O'Brien

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Conan O'Brien

14th President of Finland
Term of Office:	2006
Preceded:	Tarja Halonen
Succeeded:	Mr. Lordi
Date of Birth:	1956
Place of Birth:	Kekkoslovakia
Date of Death:	2020
Place of Death:	Helsinki
Party	Social Democratic Party

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Conan O'Brien.

Conan Tarja Halonen O'Brien is a respected philosopher, a poof boy, President of Finland, and a sexy beast that performs naked on the popular late night talk show, "Late Night with a Pastey White Man" and most lookey likey pervert of 2006 and respected movie star appearing in his own CONAN movies,Transformers and more. It is unlikely he is in any way related to the barbarian king Conan. If he is, he hides it quite well. He is currently married to his co-worker, Max Weinberg, who is the lead drummer of the "Tonight Show" band. As a couple, they have adopted a Cambodian boy, who they have named Maddox and are in the process of adopting a beautiful Iraqi girl named Fatima A. He is often seen dancing in a bikini in downtown New York. O'Brien has the distinction of being voted People Magazine's "Sexiest Man of the Year to Host a Late Night Show at 12:37 am on a Television Network staring with an 'N' and ending with a 'BC'" for 6 years in a row from 1999 - 2005. His streak was broken in 2006 by Steve Buscemi.

When expressing a love breakdown, Conan prefers showing his frustration by throwing chairs and yelling nonsense. When aroused, he becomes a Super Saiyan. Conan is also known to sometimes spontaneously turn into an alligator. Also, the book 1984 is based off of when Conan will become Supreme Dictator of Everything Ever, which should come to pass sometime next week. Fortunately, the world will be saved by MacGyver with simply a wombat, a spoon, and this here time machine.

On Tuesdays, he walks to Central Park, drizzles icing on his cinnabon shaped hair, and attracts rare creatures from as far as Walla Walla, Iraq. Is most amazing attraction is the albino Rosie O'Donnell. When it snows, he enjoys throwing snowballs at office buildings in the heart of NY, NY.

[edit] Origins

“Did ya see this, Did ya hear about this?”

~ Jay Leno on Conan

It is not known for sure but it has been speculated that Conan was the son of former Chinese world champion rice chugger Xiang fintan O'Brien.

Conan was born on the 4th of February 1462 in the small mormon village of Pamplemousse, Massachusetts. He began his career in television (porno) but soon managed to remove the outer casing thus freeing him from said television. He began to make people laugh at a young age with his belief in cornism and wicked devotion to a gentleman called "Chuck Norris", a character believed to have been created by Conan himself.

He also has very big tits. No seriously, they're huge. Have you SEEN his chest?!?!?! THIS WAS NOT JOHN OLIVER!

[edit] Career in politics: First term in office

Tarja "Moomin Mama" Halonen was elected President of Finland in 2000, receiving just under 30% of the popular vote in the second round, beating Esko Aho of the Urban Agriculture Party. Most political analysts would call that a defeat, but it's important to note that in countries in the southern hemisphere everything runs backwards. O'Brien is a member of the Social Democratic Party. He enjoys wide popularity among the masses, his approval ratings hovering constantly over 65 %. O'Brien ran on a platform of continued economic expansion. Unfortunately, Finland's only natural resource is an abundant supply of jokes about the Swedes. Miraculously, the wiki phenomenon gave Finland a virtually unlimited market for its one export. In a brilliant political move, O'Brien used his striking physical similarity to late night talk show host Oscar Wilde to take credit for founding the Uncyclopedia. His popularity with the Finnish people skyrocketed in 2005 along with the introduction of Electricity, Radiofrequency waves, Cable television and the Wheel. As a result, he was able to seize greater power in early 2006, abolish the Parliament, and take over as the Supreme Dictator of Finland. His full title is 'The Most Supreme Benevolent Honourable Fucking-Awesome Dictator Conan Tarja Halonen O'Brien'.

[edit] Resemblance to Tarja Halonen

Recently, the American talk show host Tarja Halonen noted her striking resemblance to President O'Brien and made some hilarious jokes about it in her amazingly funny show, Late Night with Tarja Halonen. So far, this has not had a negative effect on O'Brien's presidential campaign. O'Brien won the new 18 years presidency in 2006 with only 607 votes, Sale was so near to get the "Muumimamma"'s place.Muumimamma also celebrate his victory in election by eating some makkara.

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[edit] Celebrity Hybrids

"Ya just throw in some EVOO, which is extra virgin olive oil, some BS (that's brown sugar, y'all), and some LFM (low fat margarine) and ya MIX IT ALL UP in a BIG 'OLE BOWL! OK? Do ya think you can handle that? GOOD!!!

in the capacity of genetic physicist. On his days off he creates celebrity genetic codes utilizing the dna from various celebrities and predicting how they would look if they were spliced into one single person. The results have been varied so far including several disastrous experiments which resulted in alarming combinations such as this one which combined the dna of Rachael Ray, Paula Dean, and Rosie O'Donnell and produced the world's most annoying chef ----->

[edit] Grand Leadality

Ranked 5th as a Grand Leader. Grand Leaders

[edit] Time in Prison

In the year 1787 A.D., Conan was booked on charges of treason to the infant United States of America when he accidentally blinded the American troops by standing in the sun with no clothes on. The paleness of his chest reflected the beams of the sun, and burned the retinas clean off of 82 American soldiers. While in prison, Conan became friends with a masturbating bear. A bear of few words (read, none), he sat in the corner of the prison cell for 4 years, constantly masturbating.

After those four years, Conan had lost 54 pounds (19 pounds of it in his hair), weighing in at a horrifying 37 pounds. Conan, a devout Irish Catholic, realized that there were many injustices occurring in his prison. He wrote a letter, and tied it to the leg of his trusty hawk, Pale Male. He sent the hawk away, where it was to deliver the note to the FedEx Pope. After 722 days of flight, Pale Male finally reached the FedEx Vatican, and gave the note to the Pope. The FedEx Pope, deeply saddened that one of his followers was suffering as Conan was, sent his trusty servant, Preparation H Raymond, to release Conan from the prison.

By the time Raymond reached the prison, however, Conan had already been released. For, with the help of his friend La Bamba on vocals, Conan showed off his skills by telling everyone what would happen... in the year 2000.

[edit] Future career

Conan is currently working on Spiderman 4 where he plays,the new villan Pale Guy whom attempts to turn Peter Parker so pale that he'll burn at night. Conan is also starring and directing in the 4th installment of the Conan series started by Joel Schummer(the average Batman movie and Batman on ice).In a few years Conan will fight to the death with Jay Leno to see whom will host the Tonight show in the near future.In 2012 Conan,Norris,and Leno will team up to stop the meteor which is said to be the end of life on Earth.

[edit] Trivia

• He CERTAINLY isn't you
• When Conan is lonely he sings Bonnie Tylers "Total eclipse of the heart".
• Conan's first words were inaudible as he was a baby incapable of creating a pitch for the human ear.
• Conan is Honky
• Conan O'brien is awesome. That's a fact.
• Conan is thy chosen 1
• Conan is a type 2 Ginger
• Conan is a Super Saiyan.
• Conan once lost a game of pong to Jay Leno and has held a grudge ever since.
• Conan can see the future, all the way to the year 2000
• He once shot a man just to watch him die.
• He was once the singer for X Japan, but gave it up after the Japanese realized that he was a "gaijin".

• He is known for his barbarianism, which is why he is called Conan the Barbarian
• (Not to be confused with arch-nemesis Conan the Librarian)
• During a full moon, he transforms into Donald Trump.
• Conan O'Brien is 72 feet tall.
• this video is Conan on a good night.

[edit] Filmography

Batman 3(2011) - Batgirl

Spiderman 4(2009)-Pale guy

Transformers(2007)-Soundwave

Conan Vs. Mega Manatee(2006)-Himself

King Kong(2005)-Pretend women

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(2004)-Voldemort's half brother

Legend of Norris:Conan 2(2004)-Himself

Star wars Episode 2:Attack of the clones(2002)-Jar Jar Binks

When Conan met Max(2002)-Himself

The Lord of The Rings- Orc number 23