Conspiracy

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

There is no conspiracy. Go away.

There are no such things as Conspiracies. Whatever you may have heard is the truth is a lie.

Didn't we warn you? Go away before we have to bring out the men in black!

“Conspiracy theories are the common man's way of believing he is intelligent.”

~ Oscar Wilde

This page is or discusses a loony and/or nutty conspiracy theory, which Uncyclopedia vehemently denies knowledge and existence of. The black helicopters are not ^on their way.

The title of this article is incorrect because the government is trying to take over the Earth, so pretend it says the opposite of what the government wants it to say.

“If there's one kind of piracy I hate, it's CONSpiracy”

~ Oscar Wilde on Stealing quotes from Monkey Island

“Open your eyes, everyone! Wikipedia isn't the parody site; Uncyclopedia is!! And Batman is Robin!!!”

~ Michael Moore on Wacky, Kooky Mumbojumbo

“There is a conspiracy theory about me, but it's wrong.”

~ 23 (number) on his own almighty superiority to all other numbers in the universe

“Did terrorists really destroy the World Trade Center? Or were the buildings so depressed, they stood in front of a moving plane???.”

~ Roscoe Splute (unemployed webpage admin) on still a virgin

“The Cake is a Lie!!”

~ GLaDOS on cakes and lies

Conspiracies do not exist, unless the subject of the Conspiracy is opposed to what you and your friends want to do. A typical conspiracy is pretty much like baking a coconut cake without any coconut. It is supposed to be there, you know that. It is what you and your friends actually most desire. But there is no coconut, no baking powder, no oven and the CIA is following you.

Don´t look back now, they may notice you know about them. It is better to keep them unaware of your awareness.

Anyway conspiracies do not exist, they are the illusion induced by eating too much coconut cake. Unless it's the coconut cake conspiracy. In that case, RUN LIKE HELL!

Any conspiracy theories you may come across while in this delusional state are only there to hide the real truth that the molemen from deep below my bed are running the show.

For more on conspiracies, tune to KOOK, that's 1337 on your AM dial! Or try and decipher the secret codes in the static! Hours of fun for the kids!

Contents 1 Absolutely True Conspiracy Theories 2 Conspiracy Theories Whose Factual Accuracy is Disputed by the Wardens at the Mental Institution 3 People "they" have gotten to... 4 How to create a conspiracy 5 A PSA 6 See also 7 External links

[edit] Absolutely True Conspiracy Theories

• Grand Conspiracy
• Courtney Love Killed Kurt Cobain
• Conspiracy_theories_about_John_Seigenthaler_Sr.
• Yoko Ono killed John Lennon
• Global Warming = True
• Harrison is actually Yoko Ono in disguise
• America is still a colony
• Kansas is actually a military training ground in California
• Hippo huffing is legal.
• 9/11 didn't actually happen, but was really a plot to make people buy those annoying peace buttons and anti-war t-shirts
• Burger King is just McDonald's wrapped up in different packaging
• JFK headbutted bullets for fun
• Bill Gates is watching everything you're looking at right now on the internet and is setting your homepage to microsoft.com
• Most female porn stars are in fact men who have had sex changed operations
• Clag Glue is not made from horses. It is made from horse poo. Thus why kids enjoy eating it.
• Gary Sinise from Forrest Gump really has no legs. They were cut off for authenticity.
• Taco Bell is people!!! PEOPLE!!!

[edit] Conspiracy Theories Whose Factual Accuracy is Disputed by the Wardens at the Mental Institution

• Armenian Conspiracy
• Monkey Conspiracy
• American Hetrosexual Hegemony Conspiracy
• FARK
• The Hummingbird Conspiracy
• Liberal media conspiracy
• The calculator conspiracy
• The Tiger Lion Conspiracy
• Paper
• Leetkey
• Fnord
• LIES!
• Jewish-communist unamerican league
• Phase II
• Norton Duck Pond Conspiracy
• Porn & Peanuts
• AWD
• Jewish Media
• Elvis is Dead Conspiracy
• The Pen Island Conspiracy

[edit] People "they" have gotten to...

• Lyndon LaRouche
• Rose Fucking West
• Conspiracy Theorists
• David Icke
• Richard C. Hoagland
• Art Bell
• This Guy
• Jeff Rense
• You
• Snow ninja
• Arnold from Different Strokes
• Both Arnolds from Happy Days (the chinese one and the honky)
• Tom Arnold
• Arnold Schhwaerzttzyenager - how the hell do you spell that guys name???

[edit] How to create a conspiracy

• 1. Find 8 unrelated facts.
• 2. Find 4 events that lack full explanation.
• 3. Use your imagination to play 6 degrees of separation to link above.
• 4. Find some way to mix in censorship, rigged elections, and the government.
• 5. Blame the jews for everything
• 6. Find reasons why nobody has done this before.
• 7. You have your conspiracy - now find a publisher.
• 8. Blame the jews for EVERYTHING

[edit] A PSA

We would like to make it clear to all Uncyclopedians that there is no such thing as The Uncyclopedia Conspiracy Please stop spreading rumors. All rumor-spreaders' accounts, IP addresses, names, and social security numbers, and all other information deemed necessary for correction will be turned over to UC Cognitive Corrections department A-101.

[edit] See also

• A page that doesn't exist yet
• Hoax
• The Bible Code
• Cabal
• toblerONE and its related conspiracies
• ...Nevermind, You will not believe it.
• See also my pants

[edit] External links

• The Paranoia Files
• World's Stupidest Conspiracies
• International Jewish Conspiracy
• The Monkey Conspiracy
• The Pigeon Conspiracy
• DJ Dan: shutting down the man!
• Nothing of Note