Poop Cuisine

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
PIECE OF CRAP WARNING!
This page is a piece of crap. The author(s) acknowledge this.
BIG DOODY ALERT!
This article is a big doody. It is your doody to edit this article until it is no longer a big doody.

“If Gandhi can drink his own urine, why can't I eat my own poop?!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Poop

"...in taking the excreta delectus, my loins are renewed with great vigor. Henceforth nary a dame shall withstand my charms"

~ Eduardo the Goth

“I can't believe its not butter.”

~ Paul S on Poo

“Tastes like crap(NO SHIT).”

~ Captain Obvious

“...like chocolate, with a rich and creamy texture and a turdy aftertaste.”

~ Dick O. Retard

“Poo candy is just like a poopoo blowjob.”

~ Crazy nigger
For some genuine bigotry, the wikiphiles at Freakypedia have written a propaganda the official version of Poop Cuisine. Fuck Miley!
The novel How to cook poop cuisine is also available in paperback.


Contents

[edit] Food from Poop?

There are many lovely dishes that can be made exclusively with poop. During the Great Poo War, people discovered the great advantages of eating their excrements thanks to the (often failed) experiments in the new science of Random Crap. Successful poop cuisine preparation depends a great deal on the quality of the poop, as well as detailed attention spent in the presentation of the dish. Displayed below are several examples of popular poop dishes. And my sister ate her poop, but, luckily, and happily, she died. i lol'd. i also spit and pee-pee on her grave. Dr.Phil, as you all know, ate his own poop.

Square Turd surrounded by Poop Mousse
Square Turd surrounded by Poop Mousse
Hot Poop Pudding
Hot Poop Pudding

[edit] Ingredients: Varieties of Poop

Of course, not every single dish can have any kind of poop, that would just be a load of shit and crap. Every poop must be carefully selected before preparation, and divided into one of the following categories:

Poop Cuisine for the Culinarily Challenged
Poop Cuisine for the Culinarily Challenged

[edit] Soft and easy

Of course, this one's the all time favorite, and every chef loves it when he can use it on his special dishes. It's usually used to make the most astounding desserts, like Moose Mousse, Poopsicles and Crappe Frappe.

[edit] Dur et Dur: Constipated Fecoliths

A bit on the savory side, this poop variety is more commonly incorporated into the main course. It is rarely used in a dessert. Occasionally, for breakfast, it may be served as a side item in the same manner one might serve sausage or bacon.

[edit] Geesh: Quasi-diarrheic/Diarrhea

Quality geesh makes a divine ganache, and goes well with ice cream, cake, tortes, along with a number of other dessert items. It can also be used as a sauce for Hard and hard based meals. Legend has it that geesh possesses powerful aphrodisiac qualities, though the author is unaware of any scientific studies substantiating these claims.

[edit] "I can't believe it's not Poop"

Faux rubber poops, often sold in novelty shops. These poops should be discarded as they are inappropriate for food preparation.

Delicious turdcake with diarrhea on the side
Delicious turdcake with diarrhea on the side

[edit] Poop Emerges in the Commercial Food Industry

[edit] Schnering's Baby Ruth

In addition to the many Poop dishes commonly prepared in the home, there a number of commercially prepared poop food items available in the food industry today, the most ubiquitous being the Baby Ruth candy bar. The percentage of actual poop content in this venerable brand has fluctuated a great deal since it was first introduced to consumers almost a century ago. Otto Schnering, founder of Curtiss Fine Candies and creator of the Baby Ruth candy bar, demanded that all bars bearing the Curtiss name contain at least 75% genuine organic poop if they were to go to market. In the mid 1920’s Schnering went on a great publicity blitz; flying over major U.S. cities and dropping candy bars from the sky. Throughout the remainder of his life, rather than referring to him by his Christian name, people simply called Schnering The Flying Dookie.

In 1981, when Curtiss Candy was acquired by the Nestlé company, the poop content in the bars dropped to down into the 2-3 % range. The primary reason was that in relocating the factory, laying off a majority of Curtiss employees or forcing them into early retirement, nobody was able or willing to share the Baby Ruth Candy Bar recipe with their new parent company. Nestlé reverse engineered the bar, but decided to leave out much of the valuable poop that made this candy bar so unique. Sales plummeted, and it wasn’t until a huge outcry from consumers that Nestlé agreed to raise the poop content up to an acceptable level: 51%. Sadly Nestlé never did adopt the 75% poop content standard originally set by Otto Schnering.

51% Poop
51% Poop

[edit] Taco Bell's "Bean Burrito"

In today's fast food industry the most well known food item made from poop is Taco Bell's bean burrito. Taco Bell, following the Nestlé standard, states that all of their bean burritos must contain at least 51% poop if they are to be sold to the public. [The remaining 49% of the burrito is made up of a variety of filler items including pinto beans, onions, guar gum, and mouse fur.] Though Taco Bell's product doesn't have the same history behind it as the Baby Ruth candy bar, it is yet another example of successful commercially produced Poop Cuisine.

[edit] Eating Poop: The Health Benefits

Elijah Wood's Shit-Eating Grin
Elijah Wood's Shit-Eating Grin
It's healthy and it tastes good.!
It's healthy and it tastes good.!

One of the most exciting developments, in modern times, is the scientific validation of what poop eaters have known for millennia: eating poop makes you happy. Independent double-blind studies, performed in the United States, Germany and the Philippines, have provided evidence that consumed fecal matter acts as a powerful selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor with comparable efficacy rates to prescription medications such as Prozac or Paxil. This, combined with a remarkably low incidence of harmful side-effects, led to a significant increase in poop consumption worldwide starting in the late 20th century, continuing up to the present day. Consuming Poop can also cause random fits and/or sudden sexual urges.

When consumed in large quantities on a daily basis over an extended period of time, poop can elevate ones mood to the point that one enters a state of undifferentiated bliss. It is fairly easy to determine when someone attains this level of poop consciousness due to the telltale shit-eating grin.

[edit] Coprophageous Quotations

  • Poop is french for yum! ~ A french guy
  • "That poop is yummy in my tummy!!" ~ Carman
  • "Its delicous. My wife makes the best to date" ~ Mozart
  • "Dude! I've got a serious shit buzz right now." ~ Elijah Wood
  • "You have to do it Rose to save the earth, it's the only way - Only your desert can bring harmony" ~ Dr Who

[edit] External Links

[edit] See Also

The makers of the Hot Pocket have long been a staple of the poop cuisine market.
The makers of the Hot Pocket have long been a staple of the poop cuisine market.



190px-Featured.png

Featured Article Featured version: 14 December 2005
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
Template:FA/14 December 2005Template:FA/2005

Note to anyone who read this page: Please do not eat what you make form the recipies abouve becuaes you will get midnight poo infection. That means the infection will wear off at midnight.

Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Poop_Cuisine"
Personal tools
In other languages
projects
Stillwaterschronarion.org