Cooperistan

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Cooperistan, formerly known as Nirvanistan, is a landlocked country in the Middle East. It shares borders with Laziboistan to the west, Periskopistan to the north, Kalifornistan to the east, and Meidupkuntristan to the south. Its capital is Bacterichi.

[edit] History

The country was first founded in 3,000 B.C. as Nirvanistan by ancient Muslims who wished to create a land in which all fans of heavy metal could gather and live. Unfortunately, there was growing dissent at the complete lack of talent coming out of the country, and exactly 3,000 years later, a revolution was lead by the charismatic peasant, Abdul bin Cooperia, which overthrew the ruling government into the Cobain River (now known as the Bacti River) to drown. Abdul became King of the country, and promptly renamed it to Cooperistan, in honor of himself and his family. Cobainchi, the capital, was also renamed to Bacterichi. This became known as the Sell-Out Revolution. Because of an Elixer of Life that Abdul drank before the Revolution, he has lived ever since then, with no chances of dying in sight - which really sucks when you think about it.

[edit] Policies

One of Cooperistan's most well-known and most controversial policies is its policy of capital punishment. If a person is convicted of any crime, said person will be punished in a manner the government feels fitting of the crime. The individual methods of punishment are documented in the Constitution of Cooperia, and features methods of punishment for a wide variety of crimes. A fraction of the punishment list includes:

Stealing: Tossing of the convicted into a pool filled with marshmallows.
Drug dealing: Forceful appearance of the convicted on Cooperia's Funniest Home Videos.
Assault and battery: Tickling of the convicted's feet with a feather.
Fornication: Forceful cameo appearance of the convicted in an Austin Powers movie.
Heresy: Forceful seating of the convicted in a comfy chair.
Prostitution: Forcing of the convicted to step on a rake.
Speaking French: Forceful reeducation of the convicted to speak German instead.
Sodomy: Forceful meeting of the convicted with Carson Kressley about their fashion sense.
Hit and run: Forceful installation of whistle tips on the muffler of the convicted's car.
Starring in pornography: Varies between sexes. If the convicted is male, it is forceful dressing of the convicted in a thong, which he must wear as his only piece of clothing in public for three weeks. If the convicted is female, it is forceful smearing of make-up on the convicted's face which must remain there for the same amount of time.
Laughing in the presence of King Abdul: Decapitation.

Most human rights groups have deemed Cooperistan's policies as ludicrous and despicable. Abdul bin Cooperia himself has deemed the accusations "ridiculous," saying, "Man, you people are, like, so ill-tempered, dude. Allahu akbar!"

It is also fundamental to note that Guitar Ninjas are forbidden in Cooperistan. As Richard Z. Kruspe-Bernstein is a Whitebelt Guitar Ninja, this may provide a good explanation for why Rammstein has never played there.