Corgi

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The Corgi is a special breed of animal closely resembling a dog. These adorable fat sons of bitches are often used best as ottomans, feetwarmers, and modes of transportation. This has been proven over the course of years.

[edit] Appearance

Corgis have no legs, but rather tank treads

A Corgi weighs between 25 - 30 pounds (10-12 kg.) It is about 3 - 4 inches tall (2-4 cm.) They do not appear to have legs. They have the average life span of 12 to 15 years, we think, but no one, including the Queen, has yet managed to let one live out its natural life-span without kicking it to death for yapping.

[edit] Profile

The Corgi loves to be with its family, and will kill to do so. Watch out.

The Corgi's temperament is one of idiocy, very interested in the world around and the people in it, crazy like a bat, never shy or vicious. If it could reach, this dog would most likely stick its head in either your crotch or rear end.

Corgis eat cornish hens. Interestingly enough, while hibernating, the corgi will only consume frozen cornish hens.

Corgis have the natural instinct to attack the poor, which has been emphasized by the Queen's staff intentionally inbreeding Corgis with aggressive tendencies to create a stealthy Elite Squad of Corgis as a last line of defence in case MI-5 would fail at their task of protecting Her Majesty.

[edit] History

Though often disputed, the exact history of the Corgi deals with the caves and fairies of the country of the Netherlands. The Corgis were originally magically produced by the fairies of the Netherlands in an attempt to combat the souless cats that wandered the streets and feasted upon the weaker fairies. The cats were a product of the kitten huffing movement, which swept across Europe in the late 1200's. The Corgi was successful as a cat-killer, and was used in the fight against kitten huffing.

The Corgi claims illegitimate ancestry from the Swedish Vallhund. The Vikings who invaded Wales in the 900's likely dropped off the most annoying members of that breed when the wife wasn't watching, and then rowed away quickly. Adam of Bremen recounts this fable in "Tale of the Corgi."

• Hej Sven? Er det alt avskyvärd litten hund irriterer du? Hey Sven! Is that annoying little son-of-a-bitch pissing you off, too?
• Jag er klar till kasta honom bort båten! I'm ready to throw him off the goddamn boat!
• Plaska! Splash!
• Rad hurtigare, han er smittande upp! Row faster, row faster! The little bastard is catching up!

The Corgi, through the help of the anti-kitten huffing reformers, was brough to Wales in order to battle the epidemic. It was there in Wales that Tony Blair saw the animal and decided to introduce it to the English royals.

Nowadays, the royal corgis are employed at Buckingham Palace to repair and maintain the 300,000 gas boilers of the household. They work long hours for less than the minimum wage.

[edit] Other Uses

Besides being used as ottoman, feet warmers, or modes of transportation, corgis may also be used for other purposes, such as:

• vacuums
• dance partners
• croquet balls
• decorative rugs
• main course in a five part dinner (don't forget the apple!)
• playing a minor comic relief role in an anime
• using as ammo in lieu of harpoons
• rounding up Her Royal Highness the Princess Camilla when she gets out of pasture, tramples the shrubbery and shits in the dahlias.
• evolving it to its more powerful form, Tankorgi, complete with Hyper Beam and Frito's dispenser
• pillows
• digging up Princess Di for new Scotland Yard inquiry
• combat with other small yappy dogs (in this role, the Corgi should charge in and try to run over the opposing yapping mutt)
• advising the Queen on who to appoint as Governor General of Canada