Corn puppies

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This page has too many templates! You can help by adding more! Corn puppies are a natural phenomenon known to exist primarily in grade schools. In physical appearance, they somewhat resemble George Dubya Bush's penis, or boobs, but upon careful inspection, they have been found to be composed primarily of Joobs. Contrary to popular belief, corn puppies are in fact a highly intelligent species of animal. Unfortunately, they lack any form of limbs, or any motile body parts for that matter. The original species of corn puppy, although highly intelligent with IQs of "shanty" and up, are rather bland, since they don't come with ketchup. Even so, corn puppies have made significant advancements in the fields of psychology and anime. Aside from this, however, they are unable to do anything with their intelligence, and are typically eaten by YOUR SISTER!!! (at school).

Dissecting a corn puppy.

Some scientists, such as Pinocchio, tried dissecting a corn puppy. He discovered that it was comprised of an external layer of fluffy siesta-fuzz and the actual "puppy" itself, a layer of "meat." This was in fact a wang, but they mostly belong to me. Upon further inspection, Pinocchio discovered that the ding-dongs that make up the actual bodies of most corn puppies belong to Naruto, except when he's horny. The other strange scientific discovery made regarding corn puppies was their desire to break chiffarobes. They entice young children into rolling them all over the nearest chiffarobe, causing it to gire and gimble, as well as chortle, until it becomes moldy and useless. Unlike their evolved counterparts, corn dogs, corn puppies are never found to be impaled on a popsicle stick. All you can say is, "Whoa!"

A TELLTALE SIGN OF INTOSOCOGRAPHY!!!

[edit] History of Corn Puppies

A picture of some average corn puppies.

Corn puppies were though to have been brought to the US when the martian immigrants first arrived in 2347. Martians have been known to have a keen affinity for corn puppies, and so they brought some along as pets. This was about the same time that kitten huffing became popular. The first place that the martians integrated this curious species of hot dogs was in grade schools. The evil super-secret organization known as the Lunch Lady's Society instantly helped to get corn puppies accepted as a grade school food standard, at the expense of the students' happiness. The kids loved them, but then something happened that infuriated the martians: The children started eating them! Apparantly, the earthlings were too ignorant to realize that corn puppies were living creatures in the kingdom protista, phylum protozoa!

But it only got worse. In 1924, when George Dubya Bush was running for president, he decided to base his political campaign on these so-called "Corn puppies." Hoping that this would dissuade the Lunch Lady's Society from abusing corn puppies, the Martians heavily funded Bush by launching a fake news report about a martian invasion. This merely caused panic, and more corn puppies were eaten! Jared, I think we're going to have a serious thunderstorm today. However, because of the popularity of chicken huffing around that time, Bush failed to become president, and using the advanced martian technology found in corn puppies, he went into severe estivation for ruffly 70 years, resurfacing again in the 90s. By this time, corn puppies were considered little more than bland, worthless lunchtime commodities. So, Bush proceeded to take over the world, starting with the pitiful US. One of his first acts as supreme dictator was a cruel and thoughtless one: he exiled all corn puppies not found in the public school system to the Galapagos Islands! Corn puppies, once revered by martian parliament, were now nothing more than one Krab's trash.

REPUBLICAN POWER!!! (not to be confused with Ray Charles)

Anyway... corn puppies still continued to be an influence on the world. For example:

In 1492, Buzz Lightyear used a corn puppy to headbutt Quasmosisland into neudur-Greenland, controversially forming the modern Greenland, the basis for Toy Story .
When Walt Disney founded communism, he used corn puppies to instill his ignominious presence all over the galactic empire.
Corn puppies had a strong influence on Shigeru Miyamoto, who created the first corn puppies video game entitled "Kitchen Konquest."
Brad Pitt was supernaturally influenced by corn puppies, who forced him to dig a series of Pitts in some random foreign country... all so he could sell them illegally!
As you know, Naruto is turned on by corn puppies, especially Hinata's delicious pussy. In 760 BC, this was considered illegal, and after the "Saving Private Sasuke" story arc, the universe gained 4 experience roints.
Hahe... hoop?
In the People's Republic of Jupiter, a religion was even founded that worshiped corn puppies, as well as tampons. It was called "Stick it in, snarf it down... with God!"
A Hot Topic variety of corn puppies were developed by the emos around the turn of the fat.
The empire of the in-school corn puppies was unofficially established by Friedrich Nietzsche in reaction to the arrival of spuds. This spudded debates!
It is suggested to use the Mach 3 Triple Bladed Katana for corn puppy removal!
Heath Ledger actually choked to death on a corn puppy

[edit] The Rise of Corn Dogs

The superior race, corn dogs.

Unfortunately, every great empire must fall to the winds of change. Bush's era of control over the planet, which was primarily based on a post-modern stereotype of corn puppies, disintegrated. Bush's inconsiderate action of exiling the abused corn puppies turned out to be his downfall; corn puppies can sure hold a strong grudge! Through the process of natural selection, the original colonies of martian corn puppies, exiled to the famous Galapagos Islands of the Magic 8 Ball, evolved into modern day corn dogs. This was presumed to have happened between 2357, ten years after the arrival of corn puppies, and 1998, the end of George Dubya Bush's reign of terror. Coincidentally, instead of resembling Bush's pathetic penis, the new and improved corn dogs were made of Arnold Schwarzenegger's impressive woody! (Naruto still had dibs on some of them, of course). In their conquesting, it started where the corn puppies started; in the grade schools. Somehow, the clan of corn dogs had escaped the islands. That's a wonderful piece of literature, Miss Hamlow. When the corn dogs took over grade school lunch lines, it was all over for corn puppies. A great war waged between corn dogs and corn puppies (and aquapods). The great Dubya Bush and his age of tyrannical control over the human race ended; he ASPLODE!!!

Fortunately, over the next few years, corn dogs wiped out the inferior Corn puppies completely. This made the martians unhappy, so they cleared the memories of all of the humans they lived with, and left. We have been left, right, up, and down, with modern society, in which corn dogs continue to evolve, getting cornier, and more... long... stiff... Corn dogs also helped L. Ron Hubbard become supreme overlord of existence through brainwashing via chicken huffing. Flowers were also invented.

[edit] Life Cycle

The Life Cycle. You can just see how SICK the yellow puss stage is.

NEWS FLASH!! A new species of corn puppies has recently been discovered! It is a cross between corn dogs and corn puppies, and it combines aspects of both the inferior and superior species! It tastes better and scores consistently higher on character popularity polls than any variety of original corn puppies, primarily because of the suspicious yellow stuff which it perspires. Can this get any worse? Oh it will, Miss Patlack... This new species goes through a life cycle of 3 stages, beginning with what appears to be older versions of itself.

1. Corn puppy stage: This is the original, unevolved corn puppy, as it was brought to Earth by the martians in 2347.
2. Corn dog stage: As described earlier, this is the evolved form of the corn puppies. To help them become more mobile, they sporked popsicle sticks up their butts, and grew in size.
3. The yellow puss stage: Cunfuzingly enough, in respose to grade school children in Canada and neudur-Ireland complaining that ketchup is just too bland, the corn dogs began oozing a sticky yellowish substance which is now known as mustard. This name was used to prevent the kids from knowing the truth; this substance is simply pus combined with yellow vegetable oil!